Thursday, August 30, 2012

Curses! Clippy-Clawed Calamity!

Is there no end to the indignities I must suffer, Kitties
While I was unconscious and unable to defend myself, my claws -- my beautiful, long, shapely, needle-sharp claws--were brutally hacked away at the root gently and appropriately clipped.
When I mounted my Ess the next morning to get in some much-needed sharpening action, do you know what happened, Kitties? I slid right off! I did! I had no traction at all!
And do you know what made it worse? The Human laughed at me, right here in my own home. Just as loud as you please, and not a word of apology, either.
I'm told they'll grow back.

And I know just what I'm going to do with them when they do.


NB:  We 'pologizes for our minimal visiting today. The Human had the NERVE to bring work home. Hrrrumph. As if that could more impawtant than my needs!

37 comments:

Katnip Lounge said...

Your human is MEAN.
Take comfort in the fact that SHE will NEVER be able to clip them...and you will NEVER submit to the evil PTU, ever ever ever again.
Or Grayce will refuse to bitey you.

Summer at sparklecat.com said...

Y'know, Spitty, there are LOTS of things you can do while you are waiting for your claws to grow back!

Catio Tales said...

Your Majesty, this is good practice for when you come to Finland and have to ski and slide on ice. Claws don't help. So get used to no traction. Being a black cat is also advantageous as you will be easy to spot in snow drifts.
We are willing to help you deal with your invasive tendencies and offer you a patch of Finnish swamp, I mean soil. This is purely honorary and should it ever come to you Offending me or violating the feelings of any Finnish cats (especially the girls) then you will be booted out. You must also obey Finnish laws and customs, just as we do. You will of course be allowed to build a summer cottage (with sauna, of course) in your area and kill all the mosquitoes and squirrels you like. However we cannot guarantee the place free of bears or wolves or eagles, so you take your luck as it comes. If this is agreeable to you, and personally I think it is an incredibly generous offer, then I shall have another look at the map and decide on the place and official title.
Will that stop your paws and claws twitching ? Oh sorry, I just meant paws......

Catio Tales said...

Your Majesty, this is good practice for when you come to Finland and have to ski and slide on ice. Claws don't help. So get used to no traction. Being a black cat is also advantageous as you will be easy to spot in snow drifts.
We are willing to help you deal with your invasive tendencies and offer you a patch of Finnish swamp, I mean soil. This is purely honorary and should it ever come to you Offending me or violating the feelings of any Finnish cats (especially the girls) then you will be booted out. You must also obey Finnish laws and customs, just as we do. You will of course be allowed to build a summer cottage (with sauna, of course) in your area and kill all the mosquitoes and squirrels you like. However we cannot guarantee the place free of bears or wolves or eagles, so you take your luck as it comes. If this is agreeable to you, and personally I think it is an incredibly generous offer, then I shall have another look at the map and decide on the place and official title.
Will that stop your paws and claws twitching ? Oh sorry, I just meant paws......

Max said...

Dood..srsly...when I was out cold being nooterd THEY TOTALLY TOOK MY CLAWS! I hope yours get sharp again so you can do some shredding. Start with a pillow. Or toilet paper. And spread it allllll over the place...

Andrea and the Celestial Kitties said...

Oh poor Spitty! I am so so so sorry to say I would have laughed right along with your human! They will come back, especially if you keep at the ESS..

Star says: Spitty! And here I was hoping you'd help defend me because I have heard rumblings of my people coming after my claws this weekend! Leo's too, but who cares about the barbarian.. Please sharpen yours up fast so you can save me!

Angel Prancer Pie said...

Sounds like she's gonna get a claw socked in her asterik! MOL!

CATachresis said...

Spitty! Buddy! I am gutted that you’ve decided to throw your lot in with a couple of dubious dolls in the campaign! It hurts bigtime :(

But hey! What mancat can resist the power of the pink paw? ;)

We’re still ok mate. When this is all over, we can extract ourselves from the clutches of the ladycats, and still share a brew :)

Mollie said...

Oh Spitty, that's awful..and dem lauffin at youz too...Wez gonna have to fink of a wayz for youz to get ya own back...real good!:) xx00xx

The Furries of Whisppy said...

Hah! Your human had better enjoy her laugh NOW coz she won't be laughing in about a week. MOL!

dArtagnan Rumblepurr/Diego Hamlet Moonfur said...

Spitty m'man, you gotta move here. You and me could purr at the bootiful ladycat, nom on Hammy's treats and lord over the humans without fear of losing ANYTHING (mind you, what more could we lose at this point?)

Cotton said...

Oh Spitty! Too bad you was not a dog, cuz dogs would just bite your owner teehee
Woofs
Cotton

Cory said...

Awww Spitty, you know what we do the second we get our mani pedis? We run right to the scrathing post and get to work sharpening them again. We are eternal optimists!

purrrrr

Cory

Pandafur said...

Curses! There iz no end to they indiginitees. Herz been trying to clip mine fur days but I iz awake an vijilint. I sends *softpaw* an purrs to halp make yer claws grow back fast.

Katie Isabella said...

My mommy had MINE clipped while I was THERE a few weeks ago for the horrible shots and they didn't do a very good job mom said (teehee) because I still prickle a lot when opening and closing my toesies on her tender flesh. Hehehehe. MOL MOL.

XXXOOO

Katie Isabella said...

Um...what do you think of that offer from Punapippuri?

Ivan from WMD said...

I guess after these horrible stories all I can say is it's lucky she didn't have you shaved!

I don't know, Spitty. You might need to run away. Or at least hide real good so it's hours before she finds you.

Catio Tales said...

My dear King Spitty the First and Only and Last, I have noted your reply with some exasperation, dude.
Please understand we have no remit over things British and just because we are European, and may have once been to Liverpool (well, Äiti might) doesn't mean we can just get you a Beatle. You need some realism many - or are the painkillers you took making you hallucinate?! Castles are not our thing, but we can probably get you a POSTCARD of one. You can pin this up in your wooden mansion which you can build in your kingdom here. And of course you can pee in the snow wherever you want. You can even crap there (it dioes smell a bit in the spring). Heavens above, it is every cat's right to wander wherever, dip a paw in the lake and fish, and hunt. You can only hunt bears at certain times though - we can look those up for you. And if you want ships, then build a little boat to sail on the lake, as there is bound to be a lake in your kingdom. We have plenty of lakes to spare.
You would indeed be the only American feline with a title (except of course my queen, Maggie May and you keep your paws off of her or there will be WAR). And this offer of an honorary kingdom is not negotiable. It is extremely generous yet I feel you still want more! Oh, and by the way, we have our own recreational stuffs in the forest: the magic mushrooms grow freely. After all, this is why Santa's reindeer fly. And it is perfectly possible to plant nip each year and harvest it, keeping seed ready for the next season.
So we do not understand what you mean by 'counter offer' - unless of course you are wishing to reciprocate and bestow an honour on me. Which of course would be the right thing to do!

Catio Tales said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Unknown said...

Mommy needs to looks at my claws. One of the sheaths is not peeling back properly and me has been scratching like mad on EVERYTHING to try to fix it. When me does gets into her lap and she tries to looks at it, me whaps and leaves!
Me has lots to thinks about, me will not be sliding through the tunnel for a few days.
kisses
Nellie

Cat and DOG Chat With Caren said...

WHAT???!!!! A "sneak" attack and then she had the NERVE, the utter GALL to LAUGH at you! Ohhhh Spitty my friend....you need to come up with some revenge....and FAST!

GLOGIRLY said...

Oh Spitty, I sympathize with your plight. Just when I get mine perfectly shaped and sharpened, Glogirly grabs me and reaches for the bolt cutter. Ok, not really a bolt cutter, but it may as well be a bolt cutter as far as I'm concerned.

Hey, I heard you found something!
A couple of precious things that you recently lost! : )
xo, Katie

Tucker The Crestie said...

Aww, poor Spitty! Finn hates to have his claws trimmed too.

Julia Williams said...

The nerve of that human to clip your beautiful sharp claws! I can't wait to hear your tale of revenge. BUT ... I think I would have laughed at the Ess mishap, too. Just sayin'.

Pretinha said...

Spitty, it is proper to show compassion monarchs with his household, even with disrespectful.

Shaggy and Scout said...

Sheesh, what other dastardly things are in store?

Brian's Home Blog said...

Dad just clipped mine, and I loved it, but I'm right there sliding with you!

Mark's Mews (Marley, Lori, Loki, and Binq) said...

We don't have ours clipped, so we cant quite imagine what that is like. But we sure bellef you when ya say its awful!

meowmeowmans said...

Gasp! The indignity of it all, Spitty. How RUDE of your human to LAUGH at you. You still have your teefs, right? You could always put the bitey on if it comes down to it!

The Island Cats said...

Spitty! Hasn't she subjected you to enough already?? And to laugh at you. Oh, we sure hope you are planning an appropriate revenge.

Stacy Hurt said...

Hey SS; that woman gets a hold of us sometimes & we must all submit to the forcible removal of our so called 'offending objects'. Luckily she only does the front but it means she will play rough with us when we want & she does let us bitey her alla times we want! My small consolation is that with me she has one less to trim! HA!

xoxo
Ms. Stella O'Houlgian

GTnCo said...

I had this horribleness done too. I couldn't get on the bed or even the couch, and they laughed at me! They felt so bad after tho i don't think they'll ever get them cut that short again

ANGEL ABBYGRACE said...

Spitty
Mom has to clip mine one at a time when I distracted by treats.

purrs
>^,,^<
✿•*¨`*•. ♥Abby♥Boo♥Ping♥Jinx♥Grace♥✿•*¨`*•.

Callie (a.k.a. Trouble) said...

Mommie tries to keep ours clipped, but judging by the way the end of the couch looks, I don't think she is doing a good job at it!

A Tonk's Tail said...

Oh. My. Cat. She....laffed?!?!?! Revenge is a dish best served with cat hair, I always say!

Texas, a Cat in... Austin said...

Oh! They did?! They dared laugh?!
You should refuse to cuddle for a day!
Purrs

Anonymous said...

my day is coming...very very soon...I can hear them plotting the 'snatch and grab"...rats!