Thursday, February 28, 2013

King of All I Survey

I am waiting for my Minions to gather. 
I may need Minions if tensions with Finland worsen.
I am feeling on edge.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Sometimes a Cigar

is *just* what a boy needs at the end of a long day.

N.B. Even though these are crummy pictures, the Human was so excited to see me playing with my Nip Cigar that she decided to post them anyway. Since bad photography does not reflect poorly on *me*, I am fine with it.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Fritzie, Lord Chancellor of the Western Realm

On the heels of this weekend's Coronation,
I wish to introduce a longtime and
most Highly Valued Member of my Court:

My dear furiend is directly descended from the Noble Chester of Chelsea, loyal housecat of Sir Thomas More, the noted Roamin' Catlick Felinist and Lord Chancellor to King Henry VIII, best remembered for his Catting Around.   
Sir Thomas was the author of UtoPeea, that timeless volume of fiction wherein Humans are imagined as capable of living in purrfect Harmony with one another. It is, of course, a farce.

Fritzie's Human, alas, does not maintain a blog, but Fritzie and I have engaged in near-daily correspondence for about five years. We are in purrfect accord in every particular regarding the needs of the Realm.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Recovery Mode

Kitties, I am too old for so much excitement! When I was just a young lad of six or seven, I could hold my own with the hard-partying crowd. Now that I am eight, I need my restorative beauty sleep, and you can bet that's what I'll be doing for the next 20 hours or so.

Also, I like how the tiny sunstripe highlights my earsie, don't you?

Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Coronation of Katie Isabella, Queen of Tennessee & Neighboring Lands

And the Admiral spake:
Let the Coronation begin
with my gracious blessing upon this Grand Occasion

Yesterday, the Most Lovely and Beauteous
Queen of Tennessee

The Gracious Katie  will be crowned by Punapippuri, King Kitty Cat of Finland (N)
and myself, Spitty-the-Kitty, King of California (N) & the Western Lands

Katie-Isabella is escorted on this Momentous Occasion
by her Dear Friend


The Coronation Oath

Spitty R: Will you solemnly promise and swear to govern the Peoples of Tennessee and any other parts of the Neighboring States that seem to need your Guiding Paw, and the other Territories to any of them belonging or pertaining, according to their respective laws and customs?

Katie Isabella: I solemnly promise so to do.

Spitty R:  Will you with your Mighty Claws cause Law and Justice, in Mercy, to be executed in all your judgments?

Katie Isabella: I will.

Spitty R:  Will you to the utmost of your power maintain the Laws of Ceiling Cat? Will you maintain and preserve inviolably the rights of all Kittehs in your charge, ensuring all rights and privileges, as by law do or shall pertain to them or any of them?

Katie Isabella: All this I promise to do.

Then Katie Isabella, arising up from Her Cushion, supported as before by Boomie, the Great Toys of State being carried before Her, went unto the Mighty Catnip Plant, to make Her solemn Oath in the sight of all the Kittehs present: Laying Her right Paw upon the Book of Purina (which was before carried in the procession and is now brought from the Catnip Plant by Spitty and tendered to Her as She reclines upon the steps), She pronounces these words:

Katie Isabella: The things which I have here before promised, I will perform and keep. So help me Ceiling Cat.

At this time, King Spitty & King Punapippuri, assisted by the Gracious Boomie, place the Royal Crown of Tennessee upon the Furry Head of Katie-Isabella, thereby sealing her Coronation as Queen:

Queen Katie Isabella's Official Coat of Arms
The Coat of Arms features
several natural and man-made wonders
of the Queen's Homeland, Tennessee,
including a stretch of the Appalachian Trail
and, of course, everyone's friend Jack. 


Guests are cordially invited to partake of Celebratory Noms, including

Smoked Salmon                         Caviar                                  Crab Legs

And to toast the New Queen with Clampagne and Niptinis

Saturday, February 23, 2013

La Di Da La Di Da La La . . .

Oh, hi.

Just hanging around, nothing special to think about, nothing to plan, just a regular boring old day.  
What? You thought Spitty might spill the beans a day early? 

Ha! As if!

Spitty is a vault
I tell you, 
a vault.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Don't You Love a Good Mystery?

Noon Sunday, Pacific Standard Time, GMT -8
No worries.  No one's getting "hitched," Max.
By the way, that's not moi in yesterday's post.

Okay, everyone up to speed now? Good. I gotta get back to my busy schedule.
P.S. No new kitties [or ::shudder:: woofies] [or ::double shudder:: Humans] 
are coming to live here, either!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

. . . or vice-versa, perhaps, mes amies?

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

What? No LadyCats?

Kitties, I have just been apprised of some appalling news: The College of Cardinals does not admit LadyCats!
This has thrown quite the wrench into my burgeoning plans to become Spittimus I. It might even be a deal-breaker.
No LadyCats at all? No Pillow Talk? No Furrari rides? No UTB games? 
I would have to put the kibosh on the up-close-and-purrsonal cuddles I love so well?

I am thunderstruck. I need a Niptini and a Nap.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Petco Paradise

Several weeks ago, Iza Lambie and I discussed taking a trip
to the Glorious Temple of Petco.
I contemplated picking her up in the Furrari
but she'd already seen that.
So instead, I found a couple of friendly horsies and they obliged.
We arrived in style at the nearest branch. You know
both Iza and I are very fond of our noms, so we were pretty excited!
In fact, we were so overcome after our little carriage ride 
that we succumbed to our need for a nappy
right in the center aisle. It was comfier than it looks. . .
let me tell you, Iza-Lambie's floofy tum is softer than a fev-ver pillow! 
After our nap, Iza-Lambie was hunnnn-greeeez!
She thought these Georges looked pretty tasty 
but I had some qualms as they looked at me
so pleadingly.
I am fainter of heart than the Mighty Huntress... I persuaded her to accept a delicious can of Duck instead.
Then we teleported home for a well-deserved cuddle
before I headed back to the City by the Bay.
 All-in-all, a purrfect Sunday with my Lambie-Chop.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

♫ Oh, CeeeeKaaay... ♫ ♫

A Blue Pillow has been reserved just for you
It's Tunnel Time
Come to where the air is cool and light, 
where the sun shines warmly on your gleaming furs, 
where there's a dish of tasty noms with your name on it!

Saturday, February 16, 2013

I Am Weak, Kitties, Weak

I tried to stay mad, really I did, but then there were scritches, and pettings, and soothing words, and the warm sun, and I caved.
I'll do better next time.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Caturday Catnap

Yes, Kitties, it's me showing the BoD to the Human a second time in as many days. 
She has barely been home with me this week and frankly I am tired of being last on her list. I am not a doormat, dammit!  This calls for the SPOD, or DTTC, or possibly BTW.
I haven't even been well-brushed since last week!  Can you tell? 
I'm ashamed of my unruly furs, and yet she insists on taking pictures and posting them for all to see. Just another outrage here in the City by the Bay.

Thursday, February 14, 2013


This Boy is a-sleeping. He is All.Tuckered.Out.
Please shut the door and turn out the lights as you leave. Thanks.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Spitty's Miscellany

I am not Pope YET, so I brought a beauteous bouquet 
for my Beauteous Savannah
Since the Valentine's Ball is the social event of the Season, I decided it was time to get the Furrari out of dry dock and take her for a spin. The Lovely Savannah and I took a leisurely drive down an English country lane on our way to Mollie and Alfie's Grand Ball! Savannah nearly lost one of her nine lives as I sort of forgot about that whole driving on the left dealio. 
I love my STRING soooooooooo much!
The Human earned the BoD for her many failures over the past week, particularly in the area of helping me visit my furiends. Due to unspecified reasons "beyond her control" (Her: Work, Spitty; Me: Lazy, Human), we have fallen horribly behind on visiting. She says we will be back in gear after Friday, but she's a big ole liar a lot of the time, so I'm not holding my fishie breff.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Take Me Out to the Ball Ga--

Wait--what do you mean no ball game? Hmmmm, well there better be a Pretty LadyCat then! Oh good! There is
Yeah, well, about that whole Pope dealio from yesterday...Yeah, I think I'm gonna have to devote some more thought to that.
This week, I have a Ball to attend with the BeauteousSavannah. I wonder if I can dance well enough for the occasion? Maybe I could get her to BART on over and teach me a few steps so I don't embarrass her at the Ball?

Monday, February 11, 2013

Habemus Cattum

What? I'm just trying it on for size.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

An Irregular Not-A-Garden Tour

The Presidio Avenue gate announces
the Dominion of our Finnish friend,
who made a purrsonal appearance to greet visitors
on Super Bowl Sunday.
Green lawns dot the large swath of wilds 
that compose the Presidio. 
King Punapippuri, however, is rarely seen 
along the roadways,
preferring to lurk in the more out-of-the-way areas.
Stands of eucalyptus trees filter the mid-afternoon light.
The non-native species will probably go up like tinder one day
and the Presidio will have to start over from scratch! 
Punapippuri keeps watch outside
one of the grander officers' residences
--now renting for about $15,000/month--
on the former army base that is now a privately-financed
part of the National Parks system.
A tiny glimpse of the Bay from atop a low rise.
Lucasfilm and Industrial Light and Magic
are located near the northwestern edge
of Punapippuri's holdings.
The Lombard Gate funnels traffic into the Marina District,
an upscale neighborhood filled with self-involved Yuppies
and their yappy canines. More LA than SF really.

N.B. I hasten to assure my Dear Readers that much of the Presidio is given over to the wild forests King P prefers, but these pictures, alas, were taken on the fly as the Human drove through on her way to that doomed Super Bowl gathering last Sunday.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

A Kitty's Essential Dictionary of Acronyms

BFF    Big Felines Fighting   (Sparky Spitfire)
BIOTD   Blame It on the Dog  (Manx Mnews)
BOD     Back of Disrespect  (Island Cats) 

BOD     Bottom of Disrespect (Pikku Punapippuri)
BOTN Bring on the Nip  (Nerissa's Life)

BRAT   Bring Round a Toy  (CATachresis) 
BTM    Blame the Mutt (It's Rhyme Time)
BTW   Bite the Woman (Sparky Spitfire)

CAM    Caught a Mouse  (Sparky Spitfire)
COD     Cats Over Dogs   (Cat from Hell's Blog)
CRAP    Cats Run and Play 
CRDD   Cats Rule, Dogs Drool (Milo's Mad Life) 
CTASMNP     Crazier Than A Squirrel Makin' Nut Pies (Nerissa's Life)

DAICOIP    Do As I Command Or I Pee   (Oui-Oui)
DBMIE    Don't Bother Me, I'm Eating    (Mark's Mews)
DGAW2OM    Don't Go All Waffles 2 on Me   (Glogirly) 
DTTC    Don't Touch the Cat    (Glogirly)

FMN Feed Me Now  (Cat Chat & Oui-Oui)

GA    Go Away (Oui-Oui)
GMD    Guarding my dish   (Glogirly)
GMT    Give Me Tuna!   (Cat from Hell's Blog) 
GMTN    Give Me Tuna Now!     (Cat from Hell's Blog) 
GMTTANOGH     Give Me The Treats And No One Gets Hurt  (Celestial Kitties)
GROTD      Get Rid Of The Dog  (Cat Chat) 
GUN    Get Up Now (Oui-Oui)

HARVB  He's a Real Vegetable-Breath  (Mark's Mews)

IDGAFFF     I Don't Give A Fat Furry Fart   (Celestial Kitties)
IGTOWNMB     I'll Get the One Who Nicked My B*lls  (Mollie & Alfie)
IKN    I Know Nothing  (Oui-Oui)
IWBYHO   I Will Bite Your Head Off  (World's Most Stunning Cat)
IWMFB     I Want My Furballs Back     (Celestial Kitties) 
IDRBWWILDS  If De Raven BURDS Win We Iz Leevin De Statez (Trout Talkin' Tabbies) 
     JCTIB     Just 'Coz They IZ  Burds (Trout Talkin' Tabbies) 

KISSES    Keep It Short, Simple & Extra Sweet  (The Cat from Hell's Blog) 
KMGFA    Kiss My Gray Furry A$$  (The World's Most Stunning Cat)
KMFB    Kiss My Furry Butt  (Derby & Ducky)
KOA    Kitten on Attack   (Glogirly)
KSSOGFN King Spitty Signing Off, Going for Nap    (Mollie & Alfie)

LBNC    Litter Box Needs Cleaning  (Mark's Mews)
LMA    Leave Me Alone  (Marg's Animals) 
LMFBO    Laughing My Furry Butt Off    (Savannah's Paw Tracks)
LMTO     Laughing My Tail Off     (World's Most Stunning Cat/Savannah's Paw Tracks) 
LWTYH    Lady with the Yellow Hair [aka The Mom]  (The Island Cats)

MMWGU   Makes My Whiskers Grin Up (Brian's Home)
MYLIN   Meow You Later I'm Nappin'  (The Maaa of Pricilla)
MO     Mitts Off   (Glogirly) 

NJH   No Jazz Hands   (Glogirly) 

NMFB    No More Flashy Box   (Oui-Oui) 
NVFM   No Vet for Me  (Cat Chat)

OMC  Oh My CAT (A Tonk's Tail) 

PFCC    Purrs from Colehaus Cats   (Colehaus Cats)

PN   Pets NOW    (Colehaus Cats)
PPP   Privacy Please, Pawparazzi   (GoroGoro & NikoNiko)
PTBOY Putting the Bitey on You (CATachresis) 
PUTW   Pee Up the Wall  (PikkuPunapippuri)

SAM   Stop Annoying Me  (Oui- Oui)
SDD    Stupid Dumb Dog   (Kten) 
SOIS    Sod Off,  I'm Sleeping   (Mollie & Alfie)
SPITTY - Silvervine Party In The Townhouse, Yo!  (Whisppy)
SPOD - Smacky Paws Of Doom (Sparkle the Designer Cat)

TDDI   The Dog Did It  (Milo's Mad Life) 

TMT    Too Much Touching   (Sparky Spitfire)
TMT   Twitching My Tail  (Prancer Pie)
TTTP    Talk to the Paw (Mr. Puddy)
T2TP  Talk to the Paw   (Milo's Mad Life) 
TTTT    Talk to the Tail  (Derby & Ducky) 
T2S     Time to Sleep  (Oui-Oui)
T3P    [Our Version of]  Talk To The Paw (The Island Cats) 
T4P     Time for Pets  (Colehaus Cats) 

UTB     Under the bed   (The Admiral, via Katie Isabella's Blog) 
UTP   Under the Paw  (PikkuPunapippuri)

WMC    Where's my Cheez-It?  (WilliamtheCat)

WMNN    Where's my Nip Nanner?    (Simba's Antics) 
WMT     Where's my Tiara?    (The Cat from Hell's Blog) 
WTFRULA What the "F" Are You Looking At? [Re: being photographed]  (Cat Chat) 
WTM    What the Mouses?   (Nerissa's Life) 
WTT     Where's the Tuna?   (Tails from the Foster Kittens) 
WTWD   What's That Wally Doing?   (The Island Cats)
WWNND - What Would Nip Nanner Do?   (Colehaus Cats)

YOLNT   You Only Live Nine Times (A Tonk's Tail)

ZIP  Zoom In Place (The Katnip Lounge)


I want to add a special Honorable Mention for inspiring this little contest to Julia Williams at Responsible Pet Ownership. On Friday, December 7, a post called "Text Abbreviations for Tech-Savvy Felines" appeared on her blog. 

I thought it was very funny and clever and I saved some of the examples because I thought they would provide the basis for a good contest (of course, in the intervening 7 weeks, my Human I forgot from whose blog they had come)!

Anyway, I think everykitty would enjoy going back and checking out the original--there's some terrific reading there!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Hamlet II, ii: A dream itself is just a shadow

Mmmmmmmmmm, maybe someone will send me a fish bouquet.....Purrrrrr

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Guess Who's Coming to Cuddle?

My Darling Katie Isabella stopped by for a quick cuddle this afternoon 
on a little break from her nursing duties. 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013


What am I looking at?
 Nothing that concerns you, Human.
I'll be going back to sleep now, but thanks for asking. 
I'll let you know if I need anything.