Thursday, July 2, 2015

Help Wanted: Domestic Servant


Position immediately available: Live-in valet/chef

Qualifications: In charge of food purchasing, meal planning & service & clean-up, private servant duties, including regular brushing and fur maintenance, twice-a-day playtimes, box scooping; daily secretarial duties required: familiarity with Photoshop a plus. Must be willing to fire current Staff before assuming position.

Compensation:  Generous

Start date:  ASAP

References required

NB: Must be willing to follow precise orders regarding further visits to Park Animal Hospital™ for ::shudder:: extractions. Those orders will be: NOT.GOING.ANYWHERE. 
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30 comments:

  1. MeganJuly 2, 2015 at 6:15 PM

    Oh Spitty. So, it's come to this. You must have been pushed right to the end of your tether to find yourself having to seek replacement staff. I'm so sorry that you've suffered in this way. But, give yourself credit for sticking with the training for so long. I know you've tried many different approaches. I hold out a faint hope that when your human sees the advertisement, it might just be the jolt to the system that she needs and she'll seek expert counselling and intensive remedial tutoring in a desperate bid to improve the quality of her services before a replacement is appointed. My advice is - as desperate as you are - that you take your time recruiting a new staff member. You don't wanna make the same kind of mistake again. Good luck.

    Megan
    Sydney, Australia

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cathy KeishaJuly 2, 2015 at 7:26 PM

    Oh no! Say it ain’t so! Spitty, you poor poor dear. Come over here if you feel up to it to cuddles and lovings. I’m afraid TW is lacking in many of those qualifications but I’m here for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Island CatsJuly 2, 2015 at 7:39 PM

    OMC, Spitty! What are you doing in there? Do we need to come spring you? The mom doesn't sound much better than your servant, so don't even bother with her if she applies for the job.

    ReplyDelete
  4. SakuJuly 2, 2015 at 8:23 PM

    Well Spitty, we gotta say our mom bean would be totally useless to you so you'll want to keep looking. We is so sorry you has to go to the ebil v e t. Purrs!

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lone Star CatsJuly 2, 2015 at 8:53 PM

    Good luck wif dat one Spitty. And extractions??? Dat don't sound good.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mark's Mews (Marley, Lori, Taz, and Binq)July 2, 2015 at 9:09 PM

    Ah, ahem, er, you could move here. IZA-LAMBIE

    ReplyDelete
  7. Summer at sparklecat.comJuly 2, 2015 at 9:10 PM

    Ugh! Well, I have to say, my human does not qualify for the job because she'd probably do the same thing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ivan from WMDJuly 2, 2015 at 9:14 PM

    Maybe we need to do Celebrity Cat Swap!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Angel Prancer PieJuly 2, 2015 at 9:15 PM

    Spitster, it pains us to see you behind bars like this! Unfortunately our servant is just as useless (and traitorous) as yours. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Catio TalesJuly 2, 2015 at 9:41 PM

    Uh oh. This is not looking good.
    And no, Äiti is not willing to fire your Human and take over. Thank goodness.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Photo CacheJuly 2, 2015 at 10:07 PM

    Oh sweetie pie, what can we do to ease your annoyance at the betrayal done to you by your human?

    Take care.

    Emma and Buster

    ReplyDelete
  12. Memories of Eric and FlynnJuly 3, 2015 at 12:40 AM

    Oh no! I recognise the view of bars like that so my human would be of no use to you. I hope all goes well, and when you get back from the evil vet you have some serious retraining to do.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Andrea and the Celestial KittiesJuly 3, 2015 at 1:58 AM

    Oh Spitty! My poor sweetheart! We are purring that you feel ok!! Glitter and Cashmere are hopping in the teleporter to rush to your side, er, sides, to make sure you have a fluffy warm place to lay your poor little head while you recover from your ordeal, they promise ear washies and double snuggles!

    ReplyDelete
  14. PL KeenorJuly 3, 2015 at 2:06 AM

    Good luck, Spitty! No wonder you are looking for new staff. I hope your search is successful.....

    ReplyDelete
  15. Katie IsabellaJuly 3, 2015 at 3:50 AM

    OH! And I was not informed until it was too late. I could have exerted my Queenly authority! However, you WILL feel better, my love. Much better. <3 I will be right over. I can make it better.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Brian's Home BlogJuly 3, 2015 at 5:57 AM

    Dang Spitty, that doesn't sound good at all pal.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Bev and PurrlJuly 3, 2015 at 7:18 AM

    Extractions? From which end?

    ReplyDelete
  18. TerriJuly 3, 2015 at 9:03 AM

    Good help is so hard to get, Spitty. Jenna's first extraction was removal of a fang!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Stacy HurtJuly 3, 2015 at 10:13 AM

    Looks like the CGB has made you man! Holy cat treats I never thought they'd go so far as extracting you to Moscow! Dude day strong and resist their methods to turn you. Help is on the way from the CBSS. We've hired TCruise and his team to extract you right back. As for your turncoat staff, she will be remanded to the proper authorities for immediate retraining and debriefing.
    Yours Truly
    VIP Oliver

    ReplyDelete
  20. Stacy HurtJuly 3, 2015 at 10:13 AM

    Looks like the CGB has made you man! Holy cat treats I never thought they'd go so far as extracting you to Moscow! Dude day strong and resist their methods to turn you. Help is on the way from the CBSS. We've hired TCruise and his team to extract you right back. As for your turncoat staff, she will be remanded to the proper authorities for immediate retraining and debriefing.
    Yours Truly
    VIP Oliver

    ReplyDelete
  21. Stacy HurtJuly 3, 2015 at 10:13 AM

    Looks like the CGB has made you man! Holy cat treats I never thought they'd go so far as extracting you to Moscow! Dude day strong and resist their methods to turn you. Help is on the way from the CBSS. We've hired TCruise and his team to extract you right back. As for your turncoat staff, she will be remanded to the proper authorities for immediate retraining and debriefing.
    Yours Truly
    VIP Oliver

    ReplyDelete
  22. pilch92July 3, 2015 at 1:28 PM

    I hope your vet trip goes well without too many extractions, unless of course you are doing the extracting :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Cat and DOG Chat With CarenJuly 3, 2015 at 5:15 PM

    If you find one, please see if they have a twin. I have been looking for one (with little success), for a LONG time! Love, Cody

    ReplyDelete
  24. Eastside CatsJuly 3, 2015 at 7:25 PM

    Time for some blood-letting, Spitty! Bite a human or two...

    ReplyDelete
  25. UnknownJuly 3, 2015 at 7:26 PM

    Hey Spitty
    Mes been looking for a long time. Alas, most of the applicants has not been up to the standards that my current stadd is, if you gets any good applicants that yous can't use, please send their names along to mes. BTW, they has to bes as good as the current cartoon Monkey for the Finish the Sentence Game.
    Loes yous Spitty, mes should comes for a visit!
    Kisses
    Nellie

    ReplyDelete
  26. Cathy KeishaJuly 3, 2015 at 8:23 PM

    Hope your feeling better, Spitman.

    ReplyDelete
  27. When the cat is awayJuly 4, 2015 at 6:12 AM

    Humans are cruel!! We're feeling so sorry for you! Our stupid Mom wants to know what the vet said, but we choose to ignore his opinion.

    ReplyDelete
  28. brokenteepeeJuly 4, 2015 at 10:25 AM

    Poor Spitty. But you will feel so much better when those rotten teefs are gone. I had to go to the dentist this week too. I agree. It is not fun.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Kitties BlueJuly 11, 2015 at 11:36 AM

    Did you get any applicants, Speedy? We are hopelessly behind in visiting. Sorry. Seems as if things haven't been going so well for you. Sending purrs and prayers. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

    ReplyDelete

Leave me a meow or a hiss; I don't mind a hiss or two. . . or even a bitey.