Hello, my Furiends, I am here to talk with you this evening about what a terrible, terrible disappointment Humans can be. Oh sure, the noms are good, the brushiesare delightfully decadent, and I'm not sayin' it's not a good time when they get to waving a wand toy around. But when it comes to real commitment? Pfft. You might as well rely on a Labradoodle! See, several months ago when I asked her politely, the Human told me I could join up with the Cat Scouts. 'Sure,' she said expansively. 'Why not? Sounds like fun! Go ahead and join.' And so I did. And do you know what happened next, Kitties? Can you guess? Yep, I was pretty sure you could. That's right: Nuffing! No activities, no quests, not even a lousy yoga badge! N-U-F-F-I-N-G. I am a disgrace to my troop, which I won't even mention by name, and it is All The Human's Fault. And now next month there's a Real Quest, not just a practice one, and honestly, I don't know what I'm going to have to do to motivate her. It's keeping me awake nights. (=^oo^=)
Okay, how about 'Dangle a Leg,' then? Yes, there were some (cough, cough, Pricilla, cough) who thought I was a Lazy Player in my Pink Fev-ver video yesterday. And yes, it's true I don't go in for a lot of wasted motion when I play; I prefer to conserve my energy for emergencies (you know, like dashing away at the merest glimpse of a PTU and all). Anyway, sometimes when I nap in the Sun, I enjoy dangling a limb in the free and open warm air. It feels so comfortables!
Yes, Kitties, it's been a rough month and I will frankly be glad to wave good-bye to the third week of it. I was not feeling quite at my most artfully groomed when the Human stepped up with the flashy box and clickity-clicked before I could even find my left ear. You can also see that little fur-volcano erupting off to the left of the picture there. I don't even know what the hell that's about. I'm darn glad it's the weekend and the Human will have some time to spend with me, soothing my ruffled furs and feelings. Hope you all are looking forward to a Carefree Caturday!
Oh, wait, no, it's not. It's that Sammy, breaking my heart and ruining my whole day*. Oh sure, he *looks* like a nice guy, and he extends the paw of friendship like the fine Cat Scout he is, but deep down, Kitties, well, deep down . . . I dunno. I need a brewski,
that's what I need. With a nip chaser.
*Oh, are you puzzled? Well, yes, I thought you might be. The horrible truth is revealed in his Oh-so-innocent comment on my post from yesterday.
Sparkle--yes, that Sparkle--sent ME, yes ME, a Valentine. Oh, I know, she'll say I was just one of a score of random winners. But would Hello, Kitty lie? *I* was her favorite! And look, yes, just there, below her signature in the right-hand corner--look again. Carefully this time! What do you see? Yes! "XXOO" Now, she could have just used one XO, or even just her name with NO Xs or Os at all! So you tell me, Kitties: Do you think Sparkle likes me, even just the eensiest little bit?
Warning: Brief glances at the exposed Tum should be safe for all but the youngest of LadyKittens. It is best not to allow your gaze to linger too long on The Tumas sudden fainting spells may result in painful tumbling to the floor.
Hi Furiends, I am feeling pretty mentally healthy, thank you very much. I am back in my regular routine, visiting all my usual patrol spots (my tower, the dining room chest, the bedroom windows, the kitchen and back porch), eating my regular food without being reminded, and not racing away when the Human comes toward me, among other normal behaviors. Like napping. And being annoyed by the Flashy Box. As you can see. I have not gone UTB since Friday. I am actually almost sorry for scaring the Human so badly. I guess she thought she had traumatized me beyond repair. Bah! Pfft! I'm tougher than that! What we really thank you for are all your sweet comments even when we have not been visiting at all, a situation the Human swears will be remedied tonight and tomorrow. Thanks for listening to us rant and rave report calmly throughout my little breakdown.
Inch by inch, I am returning to my usual self, easing the Human's fretfulness about undoing nine years of trust-building in one miserable day! She was ridiculously happy this morning when I played with her; I think she had a better time than I did. It's not a very good picture, but she thinks it was a step in the right direction so we're using it (besides, most of her pictures aren't very good, so what's the difference? MOL!)
Last night I was kinda freaked out: I was pacing and racing and swishing my floofy tail like mad! But tonight I am chillaxing, staying out from UTB, curled up, and not pacing nor making the Human insane with concern. I am sooooooo much calmer. I think it's 'cause I napped for about 700 hours today. I do believe I will be ready for the Ball tomorrow, Fiona and Giulietta, so put on your dancing slippers! Thank you all for your sweet words--we will get back to visiting this weekend. The Human says she is almost as frazzled a wreck as I was . . . I mean, yes, I bellowed at her at 3:30 a.m., and again at 4:30 a.m. and disrupted her night's sleep. But c'mon! She sooooooo deserved it!
Yes, Kitties, I'm afraid the jig is up. I am being carted off after all.
I will file a report after tomorrow's Poutrage. Poutrage Update: Well, Kitties, I have been inspected and such, and I did not even have to be knocked out. But it wasn't pretty and I am soooooooooo, soooooooooo, soooooooooo mad! We are going to take a little rest and be back on the weekend. Thank you all so much for all your comfort and purrs and good wishes. Meanwhile, I can be reached via tunnel-phone UTB.
By the time the Human got home from work today, I had eaten all my daytime foods, including most of my crunchies, peed and pooped like a Good Boy, and scattered my toys to the four winds. I have engaged in only the most modest amount of lickities, no more than are normal for any well-groomed ManCat. The Human persists in Watching Me like a Hawk, but that is small price to pay for PTU-avoidance!
Well, Kitties, it's a miracle! My, uh, problem seems to have resolved itself and I am no longer doing lickity, lickity, lickity, lickity, lickity, lickity, lickity-licks. I am playful and friendly and apparently fine. I have convinced the Human to hold off on dragging me to the Stabby Place, where I always have to be knocked out cold and manhandled and for some reason, shaved. ::shudder:: She says she will keep a very watchful eye on me and if I appear to be in any distress, she will cart me off, kicking and screaming, to You-Know-Where before I even know what hit me. I think this is a fair deal.
Thanks, Kitties--okay, and your Humans, too--for all your fun and fantastic birfday present ideas. The Human has a wealth of ideas and a whole week to execute a plan. I hope you all get a good nap now--thinking is sooooooo exhausting; I'm just . . . drained!
Hello, Kitties! I am perched here in my best thinking spot, trying to help the Human out by coming up with an entertaining, funny-but-not-insulting present for a dear, longtime friend turning (gasp) 70. I am concentrating as hard as I can, but I sure could use some help, 'cause ordinarily, you know, I don't waste a lot of brainpower on Human problems.
Item One: See how the baffrobe almost matches my beddy? Item Two: I am soooooo comfertabuls being petted like this. Item Three: There is no stoopy football game on. Item Four: I will get my dinner soon. I wonder what it will be?