Tuesday, August 20, 2019

The Troof, the Whole Troof
& Nuffing But the Troof


All right, all right! I confess. I did! I did do it!

But it was still ALL HER FAULT.

For some unfathomable reason, she picked me up like a sack of potatoes and started carting me around the house with her. By the time we got to the kitchen, I had had it with the sightseeing tour and made a break for it.

Can anyone blame me if I used the palm of her hand as my launch pad?

I rest my case.

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Sunday Selfie: The Fault Lies Not In Our Stars

And most certainly not in Yours Truly, my friends.
*I* had nuffing to do with it. 
Nope. It is All.Her.Own.Fault.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

(Not Very) Wordless Wednesday

 I do appreciate that she has moved one of my favorite things (my precious scratcher
onto the bed where I have easy access for my all-important sharpening needs, 
and also that she has given up even trying to make the pillows unavailable to me. 
It was a futile effort on her part, I assure you.
I may be getting ::ahem::  a little elderly, but please note the
excellent form and balance required for this efficient bathing pose.
Baffing is a serious pursuit for all of us, but sometimes events transpire outside the window that demand even the most crucial activities be interrupted for a good, long stare.

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Sunday Selfie:
I Am a Metaphor

I don't even know what she is blabbing on about.  Everything that comes out of her mouth is gibberish to me.

She says just as I am half-in/half-out of my favorite pink beddie, we are half-in/half-out of my blog. (And I say: Speak for yourself, Human!)

So I have made a Deal with the Devil: She says we can try posting three days a week and see how that goes. The next step in the negotiations is which days. I say Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. She says that's not three. But I say, Yes it is. 

Thursday, August 8, 2019

Hello, Friends: Long Time, No See

Well, isn't this another fine mess the Human's gotten me into? 

We are fine! Well, let me clarify: She is fine. I am, well, perhaps miffed is the word I seek. I admit I am well-fed, and played with, and cuddled and cooed to, and the recipient of a decent amount of laptime. 

But the blog, Kitties! My precious blog!

It has slipped precipitously on her list of priorities, further even than the Dow Jones on a bad day! Below YouYube, and going on walks, and seeing movies, and going out for adult beverages with her stoopy Human friends, and her volunteer gigs, and even freaking Netflix for Bast's sake.

So what's an overgrown kitten to do? So far, I sit on her lap and get brushies while she catches up with Orange Is the New Black.

But it is UNsatisfying. I need to, shall we say, motivate her. She has made a few spotty attempts to up our game, but they don't last and she doesn't help me visit.

I need a Plan.  Stay tuned.

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

See?

If I want to, I can be a most excellent boy and not rip up the chair at all; well, at least not anywhere she can see it right away.
Special thanks to Miss Megan, who pointed out that the colorful chair is mine to do with as I please, and to Teddy who pointed out that the Old Bat was teasing me into whapping her. 
And to think that the politicians complain about biased reporting!

Sunday, July 21, 2019

The Human Says, "This is why we can't has nice things"

And I say, "Oh pish-tosh, old bat. It's just a chair."

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Camouflage: I'm Doin' It Wrong

I think I blend in, like a nice throw pillow, but she only laughs and mocks me.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Catching Up

Well, Kitties, it has been forever! And this time there's an explanation in addition to laziness, which of course still played a role (surprise, surprise, surpriiiiise!)

Last week, our trusty 6-year-old Dell suffered a startling mental and physical collapse! So after recovering from the shock, the Human rolled out the elderly Chromebook and finally located a nearby guy who wonder-of-wonders believed in fixing things rather than simply landfilling them.

So after a week of fretting (her) and peacefully napping (me) we fetched it yesterday afternoon. And for less than $200, we has a clean, refreshed, repaired laptop with a new solid-state hard drive, restored data (ALL OF IT, and yay for that), and a bunch of other stuffs I don't understand. Also, Windows 10, which does not make her happy as she loved her Windows 7, which apparently Microsoft will no longer support after January, 2020.

The biggest casualty was Photoshop Elements, but the Human started practicing today with a free online version and so far she thinks it might work once she learns more. A lot more. I will let her figure all that out because for sure I know the problem is not with the always-handsome and photogenic subject of the photos.

Sometimes it's best to be the one without the thumbs, right, Kitties?

Friday, July 5, 2019

Remember Me?

I wouldn't blame you if the answer were a resounding "No."

I hardly even know myself these days.

She's fine, I'm fine, everything's fine. She just seems to have angst about lending me her fingers when I really, really need them.

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Sunday Selfie: Better Late Than Never

Thank Cod this week is visitorless. At least I think it is. She can't have more stray friends or cousins lurking about, can she? I mean, I need my rest and privacy if I am to focus on being so purrfectly furry and well-balanced, whisker-wise.

Friday, June 28, 2019

The Intruder Returns: I Think I Like Him Now


So Cousin Jim, the Intruder, was here this week. For whatever unknowable reasons, I decided that he's not so bad after all.

In fact, I played with him, hung out with him, even attempted to sleep with him. But he pushed me off the bed.

Twice.  

Still, mostly he was very nice and friendly to me.




After he left, I was all tuckered out, and even a little melancholy. But the Human petted me and told me what a very good boy I am, and then I took a nice nap and forgot all about him. 

Sunday, June 23, 2019

(Shared) Sunday Selfie: Two Floofsters

On the principle of Ladies First (and may I observe what a silly principle that is), here is Jane, the Canine Viceroy, ensconced on the lap of her beloved dad. The discerning may note that she is making lovey eyes at my Human at the same time.

Of course I have saved the Best for Last. Even though this is one of those objectionable "She-snuck-up-behind-me-while-I -was-napping" photos, I find the texture and abundance
of my floof most pleasing and so am inclined to overlook her intrusion into my personal space.


Saturday, June 22, 2019

A Gift from the Bitee

Apparently the Guest I Bit realizes that The Incident was all her fault, and so she sent me these wonderful scratchers. The Human says I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, however, and she had to forcibly grab me and smoosh my furry face into the plastic bristles. I enjoyed it (except the being manhandled part) but she says I have not *quite* got the hang of it yet.* To be fair, I think it was pretty darn nice of her to have sent me a present. She must have stopped bleeding.
* [He is evidently too stoopy to understand he can get the brushies all by himself. --Ed.]

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Examining My Conscience

The Human said my penance was to examine my conscience 
and then say six Hail Marys and promise not to bite the guests 
anymore. We'll see.
So yesterday, an animal-loving friend of the Human's came over for the first time. She had heard about me for many years, but had never actually met me (and frankly, I wasn't sure I was going to feel like showing myself until I had seen and heard and smelled her and decided *I* wanted to meet *her*).

Surprisingly, she looked and sounded and smelled okay, so I made an appearance. I even walked up and gave her some good
sniffs. She was enchanted with me (as who would not be?) and I with her (well, as enchanted as I get with Other Humans). 

My Human handed her my favorite brush, and I was ecstatic! Until I wasn't and, yes, I put the bitey on her. Evidently, the Human considered that very extremely naughty host behavior.  I drew blood too, though to be fair the visitor was, like the Human, rather an Old Lady and is it my fault they have paper-thin old-lady skin?

Our gracious visitor took it in stride and apologized to me for doing the brushies wrong. I magnanimously forgave her as the Human fetched the Bactine and a Band-Aid.

What a bunch of crybabies Humans are! 

Friday, June 14, 2019

Calm, Cool, Cozy & Cute

The *Human* thought this picture made me look all snuggly and adorable in our now-very-cool weather. *I* think it also makes me look rather ill-proportioned (which I assure you is far from the truth--I am purrfectly proportioned as you all know). In any event, Yours Truly is One Happy Boy today!

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Maybe the Corner Is Cooler?



Maybe.

But I really don't think so.

They *said* it would be cooler today.

But really? Well, they're bald-faced liars is what they are.

Monday, June 10, 2019

97°

11:00 a.m.
6:15 p.m.

Saturday, June 8, 2019

Thursday, June 6, 2019

So Apparently I Am Just Not Good Enough



to be the main attraction on my own blog anymore.

Apparently these long-necked burds are a better draw.


Hrumph.






Monday, June 3, 2019

Nah, I Don't Gots No Fleas

But the Human just can't stop being an English teacher even though she retired almost a year ago, and she thought Father of Fleas was nice and alliterative. 

I say, why couldn't it have been Father of Frogs, or Ferrets, or Foxes. Father of Falcons has a nice ring to it.

But no. Fleas came to mind and she was (surprise!) too lazy to think of something more refined and regal.

Honestly. What I have to put up with.

Sunday, June 2, 2019

Sunday Selfie: Allow Me to Present Myself



King Spitfire Parkborn of the House Francisco, the First of His Name, King of the Ferals, the Moggies and the First Felines, the Rightful King of the Western Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm, King of the Inner Sunset, Khal  of the Great Sand Sea, the Untamed, Breaker of China and Father of Fleas.*

Nice to see you.








*And thus concludes our Game of Thrones series**
**For now anyway

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Should I Be Worried?


The Human has a new kitchen appliance. I am pretty fond of the box that was offered to me.

But I have heard ugly rumors about what happens to things placed inside this mechanical demon.

She really wouldn't do that. Would she?

Will it blend?

Monday, May 27, 2019

All's Right In Spitty World

So I guess she realized how wrong she had been to oust me in favor of some silly geese. Anyway, she did devote considerable time to playing with me this weekend, so I guess that is a *start* to making it up to me.

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Sunday Selfie: Not Spitty

Kitties, the Human's been out and about taking pictures and she has decided, without even seeking my approval, that today's Sunday Selfie will feature -- well, not me is the crucial information. Still, without further ado, and with a certain trace of resentment, I present the Goose Family:

Mom and Dad are kinda scary big, but I think one-a them little ones might make a tasty snack.

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Shocking and Shameful Thursday Development



Besides her pasty white legs, I am sure you are able to identify what is shocking about this photograph, Kitties.

It is pretty outrageous that she dared to even post such a thing.

What will you think of me now?

I am ashamed.

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Really, wouldn't you be able to read between the lines and get the message?

Monday, May 20, 2019

TW3*

Whew. I can hardly wake up long enough to have my breakfast and snacks and dinner, Kitties.

This week has been the worst. First, the Human was gone at all sorts of unauthorized events, and then she had a birthday party here--HERE, Kitties!--on Caturday night, the nerve of her, and there were people. People I did not care for. People who smelled of Other Animals that were not me. 

I had to hide under the bed for hours and hours and I did not get to eat my dinner on time and it was all just an outrage.

And then that *%#^# tee-vee show came to its long, l-o-n-g awaited conclusion and Thank Bast for that because I have had more than enough of Jon and Dany and Drogon to last me the rest of my nine lives.

So today I had a peaceful nap. But things still smell funny around here.

* For those under a certain age: That Was The Week That Was

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Tuesday Addendum:

Hey Kitties and Peeps:  Lookie what the Human found when she was out and about in the neighborhood today:


It's a gosh-darn Game of Thrones house! I mean, the Human's a fan but these people are committed.

Monday, May 13, 2019

I'm Exhausted!


The Human kept me up till the wee small hours ranting and raving about Daenerys-this and Jaime-and-Cersei-that, and what is going to happen to Arya and Jon and Grey Worm now?

She's a nervous wreck, and frankly I am losing patience with all of this angst-ing over people who (::whispers::) aren't even real.

I think she knows that, right?

Friday, May 10, 2019

Sleepy Saturday



Hi Kitties,  Sometimes I am just so freaking adorable the Human cannot resist taking picture after picture of me nodding off into dreamland. (To be fair, it does happen quite often throughout my day.)

And no wonder! It must be hard to control herself when she gazes on the likes of this. I mean, the whisker curl alone must make her all fainty.


Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Wordyish Wednesday

So the Human came back (not before I'd suffered
 and suffered, though) and showed me these:

I didn't find them very entertaining

Yeah, wake me when they start telling jokes.

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Oh, You're Leaving Again?

Oh, never mind me. I mean, please don't worry about the kitty being lonely and starving. As long as you have a good time. That's what matters. Less than 24 hours, you say? Well, please don't worry about fires or floods or earthquakes or famine or anything. 
I'll be fine. By all means, go! Have a good time.
If you can.

Sunday, May 5, 2019

Sunday Selfie: Corner Snake Is Bendy
























Don't think I don't appreciate the versatility of my floofy tail.
I bet the Humans wish *they* had one.

Thursday, May 2, 2019

Squinty Spitty Throws Shade
at Your Nonsense

C'mon, now. You know you're up to some Stoopy Human Shenanigans. If your own kitties are too polite to call you out over it, I am more than happy to step up and offer my services.

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Almost Wordless Wordy Wednesday



Sometimes Stampo tells me stories about King P and the other Heroes of Finland(N).

I tell him stuff too, but honestly it's mostly just complaining about my Human and Humans in general and saying that we could do a much better job of running things. 

Much better.

Monday, April 29, 2019

*W*i*n*t*e*r* Has Come



Honestly, just what is with these grown-up Humans and this silly teevee show?

The Human was all gasping and wailing and thunderstruck and confounded and generally discombobulated at the strange doings of the Westerosi and their odd 
Neighbors to the North.

Me, I miss Ser Pounce. 

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Glorious Fourth! Happy Halloween!
Merry Christmas!


You know, just in case the Human forgets all about me again. It's a darn good thing Stampo (courtesy of my Loyal Furiends in Finland[N]) was here to keep me company as the Human hightailed it off the morning after Easter to visit Capistrano Beach in the southern part of our Golden State. 
Remember Stampo?























There was a beach, as the name of the place would suggest, and it was right across the street from the condo so the Humans could listen to the waves crashing:





















And the favorite cousin came along, too. This picture was at San Juan Capistrano Mission, where the swallows return each March 19. Guess they'd moved on, though: