Friday, December 29, 2017

                   Guest Post by Butterscotch: Help Me

Please. Put me down. Oh please. Really. I'm asking nicely.

Context: The Human abandoned me a second time to go gallivanting once more to the Home of Lilybelle. This is Butters, Lily's brother, being manhandled by the Human, who is beyond slow to take a message.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Post-Christmas Action in the Castle--
and Elsewhere

So the Human came home this afternoon, and to her credit
 she did feel considerable guilt over having abandoned me 
to go off and cavort with other Humans

That guilt manifested itself in a good deal of playtimes 
with tissue paper and a backscratcher, a strange combination 
which actually turned out to make themselves into a pretty fun toy.

However . . . 
The Human has other sins to count, as you can see here in this compromising photo taken at about 2:00 a.m. on Christmas, as the Human welcomed new bedmate Lilybelle.
I mean, infidelity is never a pretty thing, but did she
have to take a freaking picture to flaunt on my blog?

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Merry Christmas, EveryKitty and EveryHuman!

The Human in kerchief, and I in my cap
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter

Ha ha ha -- Are you kidding me? I *never* spring from my beddie! And certainly not for no chubby guy in a red suit with eight antlered Bambis. Nosiree, once this boy's a-sleepin', he stays put. Have a wonderful holiday! Sweet dreams.

Friday, December 22, 2017

Master Cat Carefully Grows a New White Whisker

Can you see it there, just coming in on my left cheek? Soon I'll be balanced again.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

                           Ding-Dong, Intruder's Gone

Ah, peace reigns in the Palace. The sunpuddles abound, the clamor of voices falls silent, 
the constant comings and goings draw to a close. The Kingdom is secure.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Tree-Time Tuesday: Dawn to Dusk

So yesterday, the Human and the Intruder traveled north to Armstrong Redwoods State Natural Reserve in Guerneville, and then later (much, much later) they went out in search of Christmas lights to gawk at. I don't care nuffing at all for the lights, but I think I would really enjoy sharpening my little swords on those gigantic* trees.

*Bonus picture:

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Stressed-Out Sunday Selfie

Kitties, Can't you see how tense and unsafe I feel with the Intruder here for days and days and days? I'm a nervous wreck.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

                          Gimme That Here Right Now

I can kill this anytime I want to; it's a real wuss. 
Tastes just like victory to me!

Sunday, December 10, 2017

                          Sunday Selfie: Bliss in a Box

I achieve total rapture during my laptime/brushietime only if the Human allows both me and my Little Box of Peace and Harmony to be as One on her lap. See? That wasn't so much to ask, was it?

Saturday, December 9, 2017

     Random Caturday Weirdness at the Grocery Store

1  A soldier in a propeller beanie?
A crazed Casper Christmas Ghost?
3  All I want for Christmas is a scary Halloween forest?

4  Maybe Santa hasn't eaten since last Christmas?
5  Are the other two in that trash container do you think?

And (6) What the Sam Hill is this strange little diorama doing in the supermarket?

Friday, December 8, 2017

My Morning Routine

The Human gets up pretty early and usually she plays with me for awhile and then she visits the Innerwebs in case the world ended overnight (not out of the question in these troubled times.)  
This is where I sit when she surfs. Only because the computer makes the warms, of course. The fact that pretty often I get brushies and extra pets has nuffing to do with it, nuffing at all. All right! Yes, I purr. Loudly.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

(Semi-) Wordless Wednesday

I confess I am a little worried. They don't seem to listen to me like they used to, and I have grown fond of the Human over the years.

I had to Put Them Away till after the holidays so they can calm down.

I need some sleep. I've been a wreck.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

The Conference: Chapter Two

"Oh geez, guys, I know she's pretty annoying, but let's keep in mind that some of us need our cans opened.
"And you there, in the back--yes, you--I don't want to hear any more about tender human jugular veins."

Sunday, December 3, 2017

           Sunday Selfie: Morning Conference

Most of my mornings begin with a conference between His Majesty (moi, of course) and his panel of advisors (my Little Coven here). Their daily suggestions range from the merely mischievous to the outright nefarious. I try to navigate a delicate path that keeps the Human in line while avoiding any permanent harm to life or property, which might result in adverse effects on Yours Truly.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

        So, Is This Artsy-Fartsy Enough for You, Human?

Yes, I do know it's Art Caturday or some gol-durned thing, but you've made me look like 
a Perfectly Good Kitty that's been guillotined.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

           And Then God Said . . .

             "What a good Kitty you are."

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

(Far from) Wordless Wednesday: Deep Thoughts

So the Human stayed home with me all day today. She says used up a "personal day" because she was waiting for the maintenance people and she didn't want me to be scared all by myself, or risk them leaving a door open and letting me bolt from captivity. Neither of those things would happen, of course, but all the same I think it was actually pretty nice of her. I rewarded her by staying awake for most of the day and missing a few naps, and by letting her take this nice picture of me. It *is* a nice picture, isn't it? I am still handsome, even if one of my distinguished white whiskers fell out. She found it near my kitty grass, but I told her not to glue it back in--I would work on growing another.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Sunday Selfie: Day of Rest

The party's over . . . and the Human returns to the workaday world of stoopy school tomorrow. Thank Cod *I* do not have to go  ::shudder::

I shall be napping in kingly splendor here at the window, keeping my eye on the neighbors. And their possible shenanigans.

Yes, I can do both.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

        Spitty & The Human Say . . .

We really, really, really love you all loads and loads, and we are so thankful
you have not given up on us!
When the Stoopy Human retires in mid-2018, we will do our best
to make up for the past two years of being practically incommunicado.
The Human has discovered to her chagrin that at her age, 
working full-time means she has time for working full-time.
We hope you all get lots of turkey! Well, except for the 
Trout-Town Tabbies. We'll wish fishies for them  ©

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Why, Hello, Vacayshuns!

So, here we are on the very cusp of five (yes, five! Count them FIVE) pristine, 
untouched days off school. The Human is drinking a beer; me, I am resting up 
for what is sure to be a regular festival of feline fun & frolic.


Sunday, November 19, 2017

Sunday Selfie: The Sweet Sound-Stylings of Spitty

I think you've all suspected for some time that I am no longer the edgy ManCat in fighting trim that once I was, aloof and self-sufficient. The James Bond of the Kitty World. 

No, now I've become an embarrassing old softie with a hint of a paunch. I mean, just listen

Friday, November 17, 2017

Jailhouse Rock

I mean, right now I'm just practicing, but I think 
I'd look good in the outfit, don't you?

Thursday, November 16, 2017

                                  I'm Invited to a Rave

Honestly, I don't  know what that is, 
but apparently I can get all blissed out  
on the wicked disco biscuits and what-not. 
The Human says I'm not allowed to go, but
I am welcome to play with this thing.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

And Now for Something Completely Different

A few years ago, the Human found this on reddit and because she's pretty stoopy, it intrigued her for a Really. Long. Time. An.Embarrassingly.Long.Time.

Maybe you are smarter? Well, of course you are--you're 
a kitty! And, besides, it's a pretty low bar.

The task is easy: Find the Kitty

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

                                         I Feel Pretty

Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright
And I pity any kitty who isn't me tonight

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Saturday, November 11, 2017

11-11: Remembering

Lord, bid war’s trumpet cease; 
Fold the whole earth in peace.
--Oliver Wendell Holmes

The Human's Dad served his country in World War II and remained a peace-loving patriot for the rest of his life.

She thinks about him all the time, but especially on a day like today.

Friday, November 10, 2017

If Only, If Only . . .

She weren't so messy!
I'd look fantastic on a neater bed. Sigh.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

                         (Almost) Wordless Wednesday

  There's nuffing like a sunpuddle in the cold weather. Thanks for arranging it. 
I hope you can keep them coming on a regular basis. You can, right?

Monday, November 6, 2017

Sunshine Superman

Sunshine came softly through my a-window today
Could've tripped out easy a-but I've a-changed my ways*
*Not really.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

                                 I Has the Pom-Poms

The Human says I could be my own cheerleading squad if I could 
somehow detach my pom-poms to use in my dance routine.
She also says I look like an adorable kitten* in this box. For once, I completely agree.

* With a Freakishly Large Head [Ed.]

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Did You Get Fired Or Something?

Yes, Human, it is nice that you're home with me this morning and 
I've enjoyed our little chat. But I wonder: What are you doing here?

Well, okay, I can see this is not going to be interesting to the Kitty 
so I'll just excuse myself now, all right?

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

The Heartbreak of Infidelity

This is Jon Schnow, the 15-week-old puppy of one of the Human's colleagues. He came to school with his Dad today. He is a Mini-Schnauzer. He is adorable. He is friendly. And playful. And he doesn't has claws and he doesn't draw blood when he bites. The Human fell in lurve.

And where's the challenge in having him as a pet, I ask you? So boring and predictable. Phffft.

Monday, October 30, 2017

                         Happy Halloween, Kitties!

The Human says this is a pumpkin, but I don't think so. Do you? Well, I thought not. But I wish it would go away and let me nap.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

                 Sunday Selfie: My Favorite Day Cometh

The Human's colleagues are so clever. Unlike the Human.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

OK, I'm Waiting. Anytime Now, Fog.

I think I scared the Human today, when she found me all sprawled out on the floor like this! 

Hey, it's nearly Halloween, right?  

Time for a little scare.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

94° and Counting

What is wrong with this picture?

Cat on a Hot Dining Room Floor . . . 
with a blanket?

But wait . . . it actually feels kind of good. Ahhhh...(n)i-i-i-i-i-ce!

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Sunday Selfie: Box. Feather. Spitty.

This has turned out to be one heckuva box, Human. Thanks for not throwing it away.

But honestly, is the price for 10 minutes of playtime yet more photos to prove I don't sleep 24/7?

I mean, I almost do, but that's because you're so old and boring.