Do you see this HALF of a can? Do you? It is a mere morsel, I tell you, barely enough to keep a kitten alive from one day to the next, let alone a full-grown and robust manly ManCat such as myself! But did the Human leave any kind of instructions for the Auntie? Like, "Make sure to give him BOTH halves of the can for dinner"? No, of course she did not! So I got HALF A CAN! Oh Bast, the outrage of it all! And worser, she told Auntie she did not need to "bother" coming this morning as she would be home "plenty early" to give me my breakfast herself! Do you know what "plenty early" means in her book? Do you know what time she rolled in from the Old Bat Slumber Party? Well, do you?? At NOON, Kitties, in fact after NOON.
And she said, "Oh look, Spitty, all your food plates are empty! You don't even have any crunchies left!" "Well, d'oh! Feed me!" And so she did. Om nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
As if it isn't BAD ENOUGH that the Human abandons me every day for her stoopy job, now the Old Bat tells me she is off to an Old Bat Slumber Pawty tomorrow. Apparently, it's not enough to go play bridge in the East Bay for an afternoon. Oh noooooooooooooooooooooo. Now they are going to have a Bridge Slumber Pawty so they can play till all hours and drink martinis 'cause no one will have to drive home. To me. Like she should.
Oh fur hevvin's sake, it be too freakin' hot t' even pretend t' care about food or toys or anythin' fun a-tall. Even Talk Like a Pirate Day seems like too much effort. Really, if this weather does not change I be goin' t' make somebuddy walk t' plank!
Hello Kitties! Any other self-respecting blogger would consider this goofy picture an out-take (especially the Human of my sweet furiend Summer whose standards are impossibly high). But no, my Lazy Human giggled a little and said, Phfft! good enough! and just went ahead and used it. Oh, there were other, better versions of this same little scene, but in those my tongue was tucked decorously inside my little mouf where it belongs, and she said this one was "funnier." Fine.
Kitties, perhaps I have grown a bit tedious on the topic of the weather? Yes? Well, all right, fair's fair. So today we will tell you the story of the Human's dear friend Linda who did the Stoopiest Thing In All the World last Monday! She swam in this:
This is a race in which you are unceremoniously dumped out under the south tower of the Golden Gate Bridge and you must swim or drown! Well, okay, maybe there are plenty of rescue boats hovering about, but still.
Here they all are, splashing their desperate way toward dry land. They are probably about 1/3-1/2 of the way to the finish.
And here they are at last, clambering out of the water, having cleverly avoided being eaten by the hungry sharks.
And here is the heroine of the day, Linda, with her very relieved husband Tom. She swam the 1.8 miles in just under an hour. Bravo, Brave Swimmer! You are awesome . . . a little crazy, but awesome!