Tuesday, September 29, 2015

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday:
The Thousand-Yard Stare


Do not speak.

I am thinking  my
Important Thoughts.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Well-fed Once Again

I am warm and fed and not starving anymore.

I think I will take my baff now.

There's a dirty spot.

And look! Another.
Life is good again.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Kitties! I Almost Starved!

Do you see this HALF of a can? Do you? It is a mere morsel, I tell you, barely enough to keep a kitten alive from one day to the next, let alone a full-grown and robust manly ManCat such as myself!

But did the Human leave any kind of instructions for the Auntie? Like, "Make sure to give him BOTH halves of the can for dinner"?

No, of course she did not! So I got HALF A CAN! Oh Bast, the outrage of it all!

And worser, she told Auntie she did not need to "bother" coming this morning as she would be home "plenty early" to give me my breakfast herself!

Do you know what "plenty early" means in her book?  Do you know what time she rolled in from the Old Bat Slumber Party? Well, do you??

At NOON, Kitties, in fact after NOON.

And she said, "Oh look, Spitty, all your food plates are empty! You don't even have any crunchies left!"

"Well, d'oh! Feed me!" And so she did.

Om nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

Friday, September 25, 2015

I'm Sulky . . . So Sulky

As if it isn't BAD ENOUGH that the Human abandons me every day for her stoopy job, now the Old Bat tells me she is off to an Old Bat Slumber Pawty tomorrow.

Apparently, it's not enough to go play bridge in the East Bay for an afternoon. 

Oh noooooooooooooooooooooo

Now they are going to have a Bridge Slumber Pawty so they can play till all hours and drink martinis 'cause no one will have to drive home. To me. Like she should.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

I Vant to Be A-loan

For some unknown reason, the Human cannot resist a dangly foot.


Doesn't do much for me.


Sweet Grayce
Give Mr. Teeth and Clarkie 
a little bitey for us.

Monday, September 21, 2015

It's a Floorlover's Life for Me

Yo ho, Mee-yow, a floorlover's life for me.
I extort and pilfer, I filch and I sack.
Drink up me 'earties, Mee-yow.
Maraud and embezzle and even highjack.
Drink up me 'earties, Mee-yow!

There's a surprising lot to do down here, too.
I get the best shot at fresh bugs or dropped food
I come across forgotten toys.
I can strike out at a passing toe or ankle.
Plus, what little coolish air there is, is right here. 
Where I get first crack at it.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

(Muscial) ManCat Monday

Hot town, summer in the city
Alla my furs getting dirt and gritty
No purrs, isn't it a pity
Doesn't seem to be a fogbank in the city

All around, Kittehs looking half dead
Walkin' on windowsills, 
hotter than a match head

But at night it's a different game
Go out and find a dame
Come-on come-on and meow all night
Despite the heat it'll be all right

And Fluffy, don't you know it's a pity
That the days can't be like the nights
In the summer, in the city
In the summer, in the city

Saturday, September 19, 2015

A Day Late and a Doubloon Short

Oh fur hevvin's sake, it be too freakin' hot t' even pretend t' care about food or toys or anythin' fun a-tall. Even Talk Like a Pirate Day seems like too much effort. Really, if this weather does not change I be goin' t' make somebuddy walk t' plank!

Thursday, September 17, 2015

An Ode to the Human

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I love you to pet me
Until I am through

Tulips are yellow

Tree trunks are brown
I'll bite you and scratch you
Till you take your hand down

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Rain, Rain, Come and Stay

We want to see you every day

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Afternoon Delight in One-Two-Three

Step One:  Patient and polite waiting

Step Two:  Appearance of snack

Step Three:  Post-prandial baff

Monday, September 14, 2015

Happy Days Are Here Again!

I can has PLAYTIMES because we has the cools.

And we hadded some drizzle too:

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Don't Worry:

This is totally legit. I has my medical grass card.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Baffus Interruptus

Hello Kitties! Any other self-respecting blogger would consider this goofy picture an out-take (especially the Human of my sweet furiend Summer whose standards are impossibly high). But no, my Lazy Human giggled a little and said, Phfft! good enough! and just went ahead and used it. 

Oh, there were other, better versions of this same little scene, but in those my tongue was tucked decorously inside my little mouf where it belongs, and she said this one was "funnier." 

Thursday, September 10, 2015

And Now for Something Completely Different

Kitties, perhaps I have grown a bit tedious on the topic of the weather? Yes? Well, all right, fair's fair.

So today we will tell you the story of the Human's dear friend Linda who did the Stoopiest Thing In All the World last Monday!

She swam in this:

This is a race in which you are unceremoniously dumped out under the south tower of the Golden Gate Bridge and you must swim or drown! Well, okay, maybe there are plenty of rescue boats hovering about, but still.

Here they all are, splashing their desperate way toward dry land. They are probably about 1/3-1/2 of the way to the finish.

And here they are at last, clambering out of the water, having cleverly avoided being eaten by the hungry sharks.

And here is the heroine of the day, Linda, with her very relieved husband Tom. She swam the 1.8 miles in just under an hour. Bravo, Brave Swimmer! You are awesome . . . a little crazy, but awesome!

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Wake Me

when it's over.

Maybe next Tuesday would be good. Or Wednesday. Whenever the thermometer doesn't break 70°.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Preheat oven to 89°
Tuesday: 96°

Gently saute on both sides. Place kitty in roasting pan, fur side up. Bake for about 90,000 days.
Make that 90,001

Serve warm:

Sunday, September 6, 2015

I Has a Can'o'pee?

Oh, snap! A can-o-py

Well, shoot then. That's not much fun.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Evening in Felton

At first, Miss Lillibelle was content just to be the centerpiece

but then she was all

Friday, September 4, 2015

Pet Me, Human Servant

I'll let you know 
when you may stop.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015


As perhaps you can see for yourselves, I am being held here with great force, much against my will.

It is what you call 
and it is punishable 
by the most severe 
of measures.