Monday, February 28, 2011


Surely, Human, you could see that I was deeply and comfortably asleep, could you not? 
Do you see that now I have had to open one eye to ascertain what the problem is?
What's that you say? There is no problem?
Am I to understand you just now poked me awake for no good reason at all?

There will be hell to pay for this, but not right now because I am going back to my nap.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Easy Like Sunday

Good Sunday morning, Kitties!
At first this morning, I was all....
...but then I needed a snack.

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Human's Night Out

Kitties, as you know we live in the urban jungle and have no garden, only cement. (Well, I do have my giant tree-plant, but that's it. And I am trying to consume that, leaf by leaf.) So unlike our more fortunate friends, we have no pretty flowers to show on Thursdays*, when I notice that many kitty blogs have garden tours.
*Yes, I know it's not Thursday, but I am not sure she does
We have been feeling a little left out, so we are instituting the occasional Not A Garden Tour feature, during which you will be subjected to snippets of my Human's life. Wednesday night she went to the symphony and heard Mozart's Requiem, which was transcendent, a good thing since her work remains so very sucky. (In fact, Requiem might even be an appropriate accompaniment to her days.)
She usually confines her photographic activity to taking pictures of ME, but Wednesday night she took her cheap a$$ trusty camera along for the ride.
The evening began at Opera Plaza, which sports this cheesy fountain and steps lined with year-round Krissymouse lights. She and her companion ate at Max's Opera Cafe, a reasonably-priced, one-step-above-a-diner restaurant close to Davies Symphony Hall.
Yeah, so on the way she took this shot of a random crane. Imagine it as a daffodil or something.

Before she met her friend for dinner, she stopped in at Books, Inc. a nice local chain bookstore, which, as you can sadly see, is perhaps not long for this world as it appears customer-free. She purchased a novel called Await Your Reply because she liked the first page and she felt bad that maybe the nice clerk hadn't sold a book all day.

Okay! Now we're getting somewhere. This is City Hall which gets all lit up at night, just like Disneyland! It is on the way from the restaurant to the symphony hall. This Beaux-Arts building replaced an even fancier version destroyed in 1906.
This is embarrassingly blurry, but it is the exterior of Davies Hall.  Does the Human need a new camera or does the Human need a new camera? Or maybe just some photographic skill. She hadn't even consumed an adult beverage. At least **I** never look this bad!
Here are some people walking around during the intermission. It's a beautiful building. Why didn't she take  a better picture? Wait--don't get me started.
Here are all the music peoples right before the second half of the program. See all the empty seats above the orchestra? Well, you know what? They all got filled up with the really good singers who sang the Requiem, yes they did, and it was really good, too, and loud.

So there you go, Kitties. Our first Not-A-Garden-Tour. Stay tuned!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Me, Awesome?

Ha ha ha ha!  Well, yes, of course I am! I've known that for years! Still, special thanks to Puddy and Clarissa for pointing it out to everyone. It's always nice to be appreciated, MOL! things about me. How to choose, how to choose?

1.  In the dark of the early morning, I sit attentively in the kitchen, gaze fixed upon the window of the flat just across the way. I am mesmerized by the Woman who lives there. She hasn't yet complained of being stalked, but I expect the restraining order any day now.
2.  I am afraid of the toilet flushing. Yes, I know it has been flushed like 15,000 times since I came to live here, and no, it has never done me any harm. But you can never really be sure, can you?
3.  Secretly, I like to be near my Human. Not on a lap, or even touching any part of her. But still....near.
4.  After nearly seven years, I almost always come out from UTB after Strangers have been in the house for about five minutes. But I need those five minutes to make sure they are not going to try to eat me.
5.  Scouty's StewPot story makes me tremble with dread.
6.  I want the Human to give me some green papers to buy stock in Gerbers.
7.  My favorite Pink Brushie? Right up there with the Holy Grail.

(I see that almost Everykitty has been Awesome-ized. If you haven't yet, please consider yourself so designated and grab the badge!)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Arms and Legs and Tails and Paws

Oh my.

Hi Kitties! Yes, this is yet another view of my limbs. Déjà vu all over again! Attractive as they are, I thought two days in a row bordered on overexposure, but the Human was too lazy (really? I'm shocked!) to take new pictures today, so there you go.

My Wednesdays are rarely wordless, are they? I'll have to work on that. 

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Lullaby and Good Night

Kitties! Who can resist The Paw? Certainly not my Human who, after taking this photo, stroked it gently, just enough to really annoy me and make me tuck it away again.

P.S. Fair is fair. The Human actually did do the vacuuming and the dusting and the washing and stuff yesterday. I should know: I had to race UTB to getawayquick from the Sucky Monster.

Monday, February 21, 2011

In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle

Why, Good Morning, Kitties! So nice of you to join me on this Monday Holiday-for-the-Humans!

Mine plans to do all sorts of useful things: laundry, vacuuming, dusting, and so on. My prediction? She will lollygag the day away, just like she did yesterday, and night will fall on a basketful of dirty clothing, fur-dotted rugs, and dusty tables.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Easy Like Sunday

It is sunny and cold outside. I had Fancy Feast liver & chicken flavor for breakfast. The Human did not make the bed yet. I am very comfortable. I'm really trying to think of something to complain about, but I got nothin'.

The earth must be wobbling on its axis.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

C'mon! I dare you!

Reach right on in here and gimme a good scritch! You know you want to.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Day of Reckoning

All righty, then!  I guess I should really begin with the shambles the Human made of the form itself. Her Photoshop skills are elementary at best. I guess I should be grateful, though, since her other alternative was to use Paint, and frankly she doesn't really understand how to use even that primitive tool with any efficiency. So right off the bat, she's losing points.

But on to the meat of the Purrfurmance Review itself.

#1) Quantity of Output:  Well, in 2010, she helped me blog on 203 days of the roughly 285 days available (our first post was on April 14). Not great, but not terrible either. 2 Paws

#2) Quality of Output:  Her photographic skills suck. Her translation of my deepest inner thoughts is barely adequate. She gets sidetracked. Her priorities are often misplaced. She posts embarrassing photos without permission. Pfft!  2 Swats

#3) Pawticipation, Part I: I ask you, Kitties: Do you see any contact information on my blog? Yeah, right, I thought not. 0, Zero, Fail

#4) Pawticipation, Part II:  Disgraceful! I don't get to send Krissymouse cards, or enter contests, or do any of the other fun stuff I see the other Kitties doing. I don't think she even understands what half the stuff is, like "Blog Hop" -- now, that sounds like fun, right? But does she learn what it is or how to do it? Hah! In my dreams, Kitties, in my dreams! Worse, she lacks even a hint of motivation to do better. She gets a Zero, Zilch, Nada, Nothing: A Big, Fat Goose Egg

#5) Client Satisfaction: Well, Kitties, this one is really up to you. I was generous in my grade on this section, because she has done a passable enough job that I have made lots of new friends and gotten to know you and--for better or worse--your Humans. I've even met a woofie or two ::shudder::  Your comments have warmed my flinty little heart.  2 Paws

#6)  Overall:  At least this year I am not on the outside, pressing my wet little nose against the screen, reading other kittehs' blogs and envying them. I'll give my Human credit (grudgingly) for getting on board with the blog, even if it is neither as frequent nor as fantabulous as some others.  So, while there's plenty of room for improvement, I award my Human  1 Paw 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Oh My Cod: Snow!

So, Kitties! the Human was at her dentist's office today (on the 7th floor of a giant building full of dentists and other kinds of Human v-e-t-s). She and one other Human were in the waiting room when it began to hail hard. They got up and went to watch out the little window. But guess what? After a few minutes, the hail turned to giant soft flakes and it was snowing in downtown San Francisco! Now, okay, there were not a LOT of flakes, and they probably melted before they hit the ground, but still! Snow!

By the time she extracted her camera from her giant messy purse, it was mostly over, but look! Here are two actual flakes streaking by (note the red arrows)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Play Misty for Me

It's a lovely cool, gray day--the very best kind after the summer-in-winter of the past six weeks.  Oh pleasepleaseplease: We can has rain?

Monday, February 14, 2011

For all my LadyCats

Getting all spiffed up just for you!

Yes, you, my dearest!
Yes, my sweet one, you know who you are!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Seasons in the Sun

Yeah, seasons like autumn and winter, which seem to have passed us over with nary a trace!  Still, here I am bathing my nice paw in the brilliant sunshine; by the way, you might think to ask: "Spitty, was it you who scratched up that wood?" to which I would reply, "So what if I did?"

So I have had an unsatisfactory couple of days during which the Human's priorities have been tragically misplaced. She worked Caturday morning and then attended a work event Caturday night and I did not get my dinner after ten o'clock, Kitties, after ten o'clock! I haven't seen my favorite pink brush in days! We have not had laptime at all! (Now, I know you all know I don't even like or allow laptime, but it's just wrong that she hasn't even tried. C'mon!)

I can't wait for her Purrformance Review. She doesn't know what's coming, Kitties, doesn't even have a clue.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Mind-Altering Substances

Hello, Kitties!  Well, here I am scoping out my Nippy Plant, which miraculously survived the Human's reckless treatment a while back. Frankly, I've become a little ho-hum about the whole Nip thing.That really irritates you-know-who.

If you look carefully, you can see the Human's Adult Beverages (which, of course, serve a similar purpose) cozied up side-by-side with The Green Stuff.

Anyone for a sprig or two with a Bourbon chaser?

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Feline Groovy

Hi Kitties! Well, it is several whiskers past nine o'clock and my Human left for her job today at 6:15 in the good old a.of m.  I guess I should feel all grateful or something that she is letting me post this blog entry, even though she says I can't visit all my loyal friends till tomorrow night. I guess this is what she considers good service. I say her standards are pretty low.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Hi Kitties!  I'm usually pretty much of a ground-kitty. Except for my tower and my cozy tent, I mostly like life on the down-low. However, once in awhile the Human encourages me to explore some off-the-floor nooks and crannies.
Today, I come to you from what passes for counter space in our kitchen. We reside in a building constructed in 1907 (which gives rise to the question: What happened to the building that was here in 1906? Hmmmmmm, but I digress).  You'd think, wouldn't you, that such an old kitchen would have extensive counter space? I mean, they didn't have KFC or Taco Bell back then. People cooked! But evidently they did so in tiny, cramped areas.

My Human owns more cups and dishes and platters and bowls than she could use in three lifetimes (a story for another time). Here I am on the other end of the tiny counter. Can you see tantalizing deliciousness there, right at the end?
Yes, my Friends, it's the elixir of life, my Gerbers! I haven't had a jar in quite awhile now, but I have to say I enjoyed just getting up close and personal with them. A boy can dream, can't he? If only. . . if only I had thumbs.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Hi, Kitties!  I am still extremely suspicious of this thing, but at the same time, I am strangely drawn to it. The Human put my Land Octopus deep inside and if I want to play with it.....

...I have to figure out some way to extract it from the Belly of the Beast.

Well, I've got my furry little head inside, and so far nothing untoward has happened, although of course...

...that proves nothing, and it could still Eat Me Right Up.

The Human says if I don't get with the Tube program pretty soon, she's going to pack it up and deliver it to Aggie and Wally. Hey--better them get eaten than me, right?

Monday, February 7, 2011

Sizzlin' Super Bowl Sunday

Kitties!  Do you know what? No? Well, then, I will tell you:  It was 80 freaking degrees in the City by the Bay yesterday! 80! And unless my calendar deceives me, it is still mid-winter.

Do you see how droopy and snake-like I appear?  The Lounge Ladies requested a full-length, tummy-up shot, but this is about the best I could do in my heat-induced stupor. Do you see my rear paw fetchingly posed atop the tower? I hope that makes up for the temporary absence of a visible tum.
Now, I understand that my friends who are buried up to their tail-tips in snow and ice cannot really be expected to sympathize with my plight--but c'mon! This.Is.Not.Natural, Kitties!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sunday Visitors: How Are Aggie and Wally?

Well, Kitties, glad you asked! Today we are catching up with our furry best friends! As you can see, Aggie is quite the grown-up girl. If you look closely, you will see her little tum has not yet completely furred in after her ladygardenectomy. Um, maybe I misspoke when I called the tum "little." Aggie has become a tad chubbified from the excellent noms her indulgent Dad provides. 
She is skittish around my Human now. The Human is quite put out by this:  "Hey, Aggie, remember all those days when I came over there--twice a day--to feed you? How 'bout that? Have you forgotten that?"
Yes, well, evidently Aggie's memory is short. I think if the Human wants back in Aggie's good graces, she'd best come armed with toonas.

And here's our cherryblossom  buttercup sweetie pie Giant Grown-Up Wally! Ah, the Human sighs, "What a handsome Mancat he has become!"

Eh, whatever.

What **I** love about Wally is his status as King of the Destruct-o Derby at Chez A&W. Plants, curtains, ceramic pots, small bureau items, shower curtains--well, you name it, he's eaten it/broken it/shredded it/batted it into submission.

He's my Idol and my Inspiration.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

I'm Baaaaaaaack!

No, Kitties, I have not been in Egypt (though they might be better off if I had been)!  No, I have been here at home, suffering from every kind of neglect imaginable from my irresponsible and inattentive Human.

Really, you don't want to get me started on this topic! I was left alone for 15 (fifteen!) hours straight both Wednesday and Thursday--no blogging! no scritches! no playtimes! no food! (Oh, well, yeah, okay, that last one is a lie. But it could have been true--I was beginning to despair of new fudz appearing in my bowl!)

And then Friday, she actually came home on time for a change! I was excited: Toy time! Scritches! Blogging! Visiting! Early dinner! Yay!

Alas, what transpired was this:  She took a nap instead. A NAP, Kitties! Can you believe the callous indifference she displayed toward all my feline needs?

Yeah, I've heard it all now: The explanations, the apologies, the promises of better behavior in the future. But I dunno. This was pretty bad. I'll have to think about it. Or maybe take a nap. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Fun Times, Domestic Division (Not in Egypt)

Well, Kitties, as you can see I have not yet departed for points East. The Human convinced me to reconsider my plans and wait until I am summoned by whatever incompetent Human ends up in charge. They will appreciate me all the more if it is their idea, correct?

And meanwhile, I have this nice tunnel to be afraid of play around because I'm afraid to really be inside it I enjoy poking at the sides and sniffing the ends.

Also, I have my most favorite pink fevver toy and my other weird stringy raffia toy that I love beyond all reason.

Yeah, things are pretty good here. And Fuzzy and Zoe got me a little worried about the availability of the high-quality noms in a country with other things to worry about.