Friday, December 30, 2016

Don't You Love Me Anymore?

Spitty, stop being so emo now. It's not very Kingly. You don't want your subjects to lose respect for you!

I'm sorry I have been gone so much lately. I promise it will get better, starting today.

In fact, instead of NO Human around, tomorrow night there'll be about 10 of them!  Isn't that grand?

Spitty? Spitty?  Where did you go?

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Door #3 and Secret Paws Teaser!

Here is Kitty #3, called Butterscotch. Those of you who are longtime readers will recognize this little Boycat Lothario who makes himself available to all and sundry.
Here, he scrutinizes the Human's red chips to make sure either (a) no one attempts to steal any, or (b) she does not attempt to cheat (which sadly is not out of the question, ha ha meow).

*          *          *          *          *

Oh, Kitties! Just look at my Christmas bounty! Click right here

Monday, December 26, 2016

             The Christmas Cats: Chronicles of Infidelity

This is Cooper. He is round & firm & fully-packed. A very good boy.

This is LillyBelle. She has the most unusual furs 
the Human has ever seen. With her furs unruffled, she looks black. 
But if you administer some pets, you see the bright silver undercoat. 
She's not as nice as Cooper, but that is not surprising 
as she is a girlcat.

You see, Kitties? *This* is what I am expected to put up with
 when she abandons me--not just the indignity 
of being left on my own to starve, but the additional humiliation of her infidelities.

There was another kitty, but he's a story for another day.

Friday, December 23, 2016

             Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah,
                               & Happy Holidays!

Wishing every Kitty and Human (and any other creature, too!) a Happy Holiday Season full of love and good cheer. The Human says we'll be back Monday or Tuesday!

Thursday, December 22, 2016

We Three Kings of Orient Are
Bearing Gifts, We Traverse Afar

They're not for Spitty
More's the pity!
He'll give us all a scar.

The Human hung these up last weekend, but frankly even if those gifts were for me, what the heck does a kitty do with myrrh?

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Even with My Eyes Squeezed Shut

I can tell those little spies are talking about me behind my back. It's not Right, Kitties.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Something Old, Something New,
Something Classic, Something Blue

So first of all, this post is a travesty, really, because there is No Kitty in either nativity set. The Human says I should be able to set that fact aside, and appreciate these for what they are. The one on top is from the Human's girlhood (you know, back in the nineteenth century) and the blue one she bought for way too much money about 10 years ago because (a) she liked it, and (b) she lost her mind when she found out Oregon had no sales tax.
Both of these are currently set up in our house (or, as I like to call it, Santa's Workshop). This evening we would like to take a poll:  Classic or Blue
Me, until one of them gets a kitty, I can't in good conscience cast a vote for either.

Monday, December 19, 2016

Sunday, December 18, 2016

       Monday, Monday: Can't Trust That Day
       Suspicious Sunday Selfie

              Monday, Monday
              Sometimes it just turns out that way

Saturday, December 17, 2016

         Meet My Mini-Me

How adorable is this ornament sculpture artistic tribute to my Kingly Self? (Do you see how cunningly the hanging attachment creates my crown in a miracle of practical design?!)

This fine addition to the Spitty Collection was a gift of the Human's lovely massage lady who endures listens patiently to many stories about Yours Truly. It will be on semi-permanent display in the Castle.

For those who wish to view this art in person: Visitors bearing toonas (plural) are welcome by appointment only. The subject of the artwork is not user-friendly, however, and visitors are encouraged to bring their own bandaids, as they are not included in the price of admission.

Friday, December 16, 2016


The brilliant and generous Miss Ellen from 15andmeowing remembered how much I LOVE the Sacred Dark Blue ball she made me a long time ago now.

Well! Yesterday a mysterious package arrived in our mailbox just for ME. And do you know what, Kitties? Well, do you? I bet you don't!

I will tell you though:  It contained a light blue ball, another dark blue ball, a gold ball, an orange ball and a bright pink ball! All for me!

And do you know what the Human did? Well, she gave me ONE ball and then she squirreled the other four away because she says I will not appreciate all five at once and I will lose some.

Phfft to all that, say I. I mean, okay, I *might* lose one. Unlikely, but possible. But where does she get off thinking I won't appreciate them all??? She's ridiculous sometimes, right?

Miss Ellen enclosed a note that said in part, "I remember you liked these fuzzy balls. I made a bunch for you to play with. I call them 'spit balls.' "  Ha ha ha meow!

I love her.

Now, as it happens the Human caught me in a moment of quiet reflection with my ball, but last night I was leaping and pouncing like a 12-week-old instead of a 12-year-old. But I stopped as soon as she got the camera out. You understand.

She's on vacation now, though, and so maybe she will capture a more, um, vigorous play session!

Thank you, Miss Ellen. You are just the BEST.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

                          It Is a Dark and Stormy Night

When I'd rather be in my beddie-cave
admiring the show my tailio is offering
than out there in the cold deserted streets 
where no one is dining al fresco at the tiny cafe.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Dear Megan

As some of you noted, yesterday we received The Comment of the Year from our Loyal Reader Megan in Sydney, Australia. Both Spitty and I enjoyed her lengthy missive, though perhaps for different reasons . . .

Some Helpful Tips to be Going Along With 

(from an Avid Fan):

- You need to focus attention on your headlines, Spitty. "The Human and I Disagree" is hardly commentworthy, let alone a headline - it's the standard state of affairs, I would have thought, in your household. Headlines are meant to grab attention. More effort required please.

Spitty: Thank you! No kidding, right??? I had a much better headline in mind but the Human said, "Oh no, Spitty! You can't use those kind of HBO words on your family-friendly blog." *I* say, And just whose family is THAT?
The Human: When Spitty can write a clever headline and still keep a civil tongue in his head, then perhaps I'll let him write some better headlines. I will go so far as to agree that this one was . . . uninspired. So, how do you like *today's* headline?

- Now, you know that I'm on your side, 10000%, don't you? So, you've also got to know that when I provide constructive criticism, it is well intentioned - designed to help you continue to improve yourself and your reputation and your blog. So - are you ready? Here's the thing: in complaining about having these particular photographs published, you are, I'm afraid to say, being hypocritical. It wasn't all that many weeks ago that you complained about the fact that the Human had the temerity to post without including a pic of you. And I agreed. So, it's hardly fair or proper that you're now complaining that the Human has included pics of you in today's post. 

Spitty: Are you calling me hypocritical? ::incredulous:: So, like, I guess that your "10000%" is really only 9995%? Is that what you mean when you say 10000? 'Cause, now, how can I really trust you again???
The Human:  Exactly, Megan. Exactly. Thank you.

- You couldn't behave in an undignified way if your life depended on it. You are a King. It follows, by definition, that everything you do is regal - and dignified. You are worrying about the wrong stuff: today's pics are delightful.

Spitty: Why, thank you, Megan! I had not quite considered it from quite this angle! Perhaps it's like when Richard Nixon was being interviewed by David Frost and Frost asked him, "Would you say that there are certain situations - and the Huston Plan was one of them - where the president can decide that it's in the best interests of the nation, and do something illegal?" And Nixon answered, "Well, when the president does it, that means it is not illegal." So, no matter WHAT the heck I do, it's all good. In fact, it's Royal. And thereby both dignified and delightful.  Thanks, Megan!
The Human: Nice role model, Spitty.

- People do need things to cheer them up. And kitties are the things designed for exactly that purpose. Indeed, that's why the internet was invented: so that kitties would have much wider scope for getting themselves 'out there', cheering humans up no matter when in the world they were. Carry on the good work

Spitty: Will do. It's my mission.
The Human: Oh, please.

- Where did this entirely arbitrary goal of 300 posts per year come from? There are 365 days in the year and, to be honest, I think you've set the bar very very low if you're aiming for only 300 posts. 365 per year would be reasonable, and 400 a good 'stretch' target for 2017 - surely there's so much you want to share with your readers that trying to squeeze it all into 400 posts per year would be a struggle. Let it out, Spitty.

Spitty: Again, thank you! I look at 365 as the minimum acceptable number of times per year to vent my spleen instruct my People regarding the proper relationship between Royal Felines and Human peons. Really, without my daily reminders, some of those felines might do their Human's bidding, and frankly that's just appalling and dangerous.
The Human: When you are paying the rent, Spitty, and when you grow the thumbs, then (maybe) your opinion will count.

See ya tomorrow ('cos it's not too late to make a last-minute pitch to achieve 400 posts in 2016, you know).

Spitty: ::eyes light up::
The Human: ::dissolves in gales of hysterical laughter::

Sydney, Australia

Monday, December 12, 2016

                             The Human and I Disagree

Now, here's the thing, Kitties. Yesterday was Post #299 for 2016. I say, We have 
19 days more to reach our 300-post goal for the year. What's the hurry? There will
be lots and lots of opportunities that don't involve pictures of Me, King Spitty I,
flailing about in a most undignified way on the dining room floor.
But, "Nooooooooo," says the Human. "We need to get #300 in the books 
and then I won't have fret about it or listen to you complain about it
every single day." Besides, she says, I look funny and people and kitties alike
need something to cheer them up in these stressful times, right?
Well, maybe she's right. But I think she just wants a good excuse to skip a lot 
of posting days. And please, don't laugh loud enough for me to hear. 
I do have feelings, you know.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Sunday Selfie: Did You Hear?

Grass is legal now!

What do you mean, It always was?

I'm practically sure that back in the day, some Humans and Kitties went to jail for it, right?

Now I don't have to grow mine in the closet anymore and hide from the PoPo, right?

C'mon now, don't lie to Spitty. I mean, I've been around the block! I didn't just fall off the turnip truck.


Friday, December 9, 2016

Oh! Oh! OH!

Look! Oh just Look! At what came for me in the mail today from the multi-talented Ms. Stacy!

Do I not look even *MORE* handsome and alluring than I am in real life? Is that not Raven herself perched on my own little heady?

This is the best thing that has come in my mail since . . . since . . . since . . . well, since EVER, that's when!

We just don't even know how to say Thank You
but we'll work on it. And believe it or not, this was not the *only* thing in the box. But tonight, this glorious image of Yours Truly must needs stand alone!

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Heat Worship

The Human ruthlessly cut the Radiator God (at right, just beyond the frame) out of this photo, as He is messily painted and the tray underneath quite dirty.

I hope it does not make the R.G. angry enough to withdraw his blessed warmth. I'm sure she meant no offense.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

          For Once, We Is Prepared for Secret Paws!

So she says. She still has the crucial Post Office step, and she doesn't like the Post Office much.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

               Tunnel of Desirable Objects

                                     You should *see* what I find in here sometimes. Mrrrrrow.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Calling David Copperfield!

Anybody got a

Wait--maybe I didn't really mean that.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

I See London
I See France
You See Cinnamon

I was warm and a-seeping very deeply, so she Took Advantage.
But really, I look so good, I don't mind at all.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Wishing My Friends Sammy, Easy & Fiona Safe Travels

Godspeed, my friends. We'll meet again on the other side. Love, Spitty

Friday, December 2, 2016

               Playtimes in Pink

Bast! I love chasing things! And killing them, too.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Spitty Is Mad

So, she had tried to grab me up off the bed when I was relaxing, and you all *know* how irritating that is, so I bolted. And then she chased me around for like 10 minutes. And then I took a little baff and she even filmed THAT. She needs to get a life. Seriously.
You can see how quickly I turned around and listened to her when she started talking to me, too.