Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Dear Megan

As some of you noted, yesterday we received The Comment of the Year from our Loyal Reader Megan in Sydney, Australia. Both Spitty and I enjoyed her lengthy missive, though perhaps for different reasons . . .

Some Helpful Tips to be Going Along With 

(from an Avid Fan):

- You need to focus attention on your headlines, Spitty. "The Human and I Disagree" is hardly commentworthy, let alone a headline - it's the standard state of affairs, I would have thought, in your household. Headlines are meant to grab attention. More effort required please.

Spitty: Thank you! No kidding, right??? I had a much better headline in mind but the Human said, "Oh no, Spitty! You can't use those kind of HBO words on your family-friendly blog." *I* say, And just whose family is THAT?
The Human: When Spitty can write a clever headline and still keep a civil tongue in his head, then perhaps I'll let him write some better headlines. I will go so far as to agree that this one was . . . uninspired. So, how do you like *today's* headline?

- Now, you know that I'm on your side, 10000%, don't you? So, you've also got to know that when I provide constructive criticism, it is well intentioned - designed to help you continue to improve yourself and your reputation and your blog. So - are you ready? Here's the thing: in complaining about having these particular photographs published, you are, I'm afraid to say, being hypocritical. It wasn't all that many weeks ago that you complained about the fact that the Human had the temerity to post without including a pic of you. And I agreed. So, it's hardly fair or proper that you're now complaining that the Human has included pics of you in today's post. 

Spitty: Are you calling me hypocritical? ::incredulous:: So, like, I guess that your "10000%" is really only 9995%? Is that what you mean when you say 10000? 'Cause, now, how can I really trust you again???
The Human:  Exactly, Megan. Exactly. Thank you.

- You couldn't behave in an undignified way if your life depended on it. You are a King. It follows, by definition, that everything you do is regal - and dignified. You are worrying about the wrong stuff: today's pics are delightful.

Spitty: Why, thank you, Megan! I had not quite considered it from quite this angle! Perhaps it's like when Richard Nixon was being interviewed by David Frost and Frost asked him, "Would you say that there are certain situations - and the Huston Plan was one of them - where the president can decide that it's in the best interests of the nation, and do something illegal?" And Nixon answered, "Well, when the president does it, that means it is not illegal." So, no matter WHAT the heck I do, it's all good. In fact, it's Royal. And thereby both dignified and delightful.  Thanks, Megan!
The Human: Nice role model, Spitty.

- People do need things to cheer them up. And kitties are the things designed for exactly that purpose. Indeed, that's why the internet was invented: so that kitties would have much wider scope for getting themselves 'out there', cheering humans up no matter when in the world they were. Carry on the good work

Spitty: Will do. It's my mission.
The Human: Oh, please.

- Where did this entirely arbitrary goal of 300 posts per year come from? There are 365 days in the year and, to be honest, I think you've set the bar very very low if you're aiming for only 300 posts. 365 per year would be reasonable, and 400 a good 'stretch' target for 2017 - surely there's so much you want to share with your readers that trying to squeeze it all into 400 posts per year would be a struggle. Let it out, Spitty.

Spitty: Again, thank you! I look at 365 as the minimum acceptable number of times per year to vent my spleen instruct my People regarding the proper relationship between Royal Felines and Human peons. Really, without my daily reminders, some of those felines might do their Human's bidding, and frankly that's just appalling and dangerous.
The Human: When you are paying the rent, Spitty, and when you grow the thumbs, then (maybe) your opinion will count.

See ya tomorrow ('cos it's not too late to make a last-minute pitch to achieve 400 posts in 2016, you know).

Spitty: ::eyes light up::
The Human: ::dissolves in gales of hysterical laughter::

Sydney, Australia


Megan said...

Well, what can I say?

You probably know me well enough by now to know that I can - and will - say a lot!

HEADLINE: Today's is a beauty - it definitely caught MY attention. (Who cares about all the other readers? LOL) I guess that your Human has a point: probably best to keep it 'clean'. Focus on clever: everyone loves a clever headline.

HYPOCRISY: I'm going to assert that my support remains at the 10,000% level. But, my point is that if you're inconsistent in providing your Human with feedback, she'll just get confused. We've talked about this in the past: with staff of the calibre of yours, 'Keep It Simple, Stupid' has got to be your guiding principle. You might appreciate the nuances in her posting without including a pic of you and her posting with what you consider to be inappropriate or unflattering pics of you (and, they were neither, as it happened), but ... for a Human of smallish brain, those nuances are impossible to appreciate. My advice is to tell her: pics of me = good; no pics of me = unacceptable.

DIGNITY: you're as good it gets in this department, Spitty, and you're absolutely fabulous. So, everything you do is, by definition, wonderful. (Still thinking about the merits of your analogy, however.)

GOOD WORK: in fact, it's outstanding work from you and moderately satisfactory work from your Human, which averages out as 'good work'. (Any thought of replacing your current staff???) Looking forward to lots more of it.

BLOGGING FREQUENCY: Yikes! Has your Human got an attitude problem!! You owe it to yourself - and all your readers - to explain to her that it is her job to pay the rent, clean the litter box, bring home wonderful foods for you, play games with you, keep the joint clean and tidy and generally devote her every waking moment to your needs and desires. That includes blogging whenever you feel that you have a pearl of wisdom or another sensational pic to share. I'm sure that that happens at least three times a day, so even what I called my 'stretch target' of 400 posts per year was relatively modest. Your Human needs to wake up to herself: just because she has thumbs does not make her special - there are literally billions of others with thumbs roaming the planet! The good news is that you pushed her into exceeding the goal that she had privately set herself (of only 300 posts per year) with this post today. Between us, Spitty, perhaps we could keep provoking her for the rest of December, resulting in a small avalanche of new posts??

Sydney, Australia

Katnip Lounge said...

You know what WE want? We want Megan to critique our blog (everso eloquently, we must add) and put some gumption back into our lazy good-for-nuffin Mommy! Because Megan has obviously lit a FIRE of creativity heretofore never seen before in your Human, Spitty, and our Mommy needs her toes held to the flames, too.

Photo Cache said...

Well done Spitty and human.

Emma and Buster

Summer at sparklecat.com said...

Wow, even I don't post 400 times a year! I hope Megan doesn't think I'm a slack-off.

Catio Tales said...

Well done Megan! We are really enjoying these posts; Spitty does need taking in paw sometimes (remembering his near invasion of Finland(N) of course) but his Human is, well, not quite the 365/365 sort. But 400 - well, that is ambitious. We're not sure where we stand on that - maybe it's what the educators in England called an 'aspirational target'. But hurrah for Megan! And if the Wondrous Commenter would like to visit our blog and whip Ă„iti into shape, you are most welcome.

'just because she has thumbs doesn't make her special'.....hehehehe quote of the year!

Eastside Cats said...

Spitty = Richard Nixon? "The Human: Nice role model, Spitty" Never before thought that Prez Nixon thought like a cat before...

Stacy Hurt said...

And you can start your bid for 400 posts by adding a weekly "Dear Megan" byline. Miss Esme suggests a simple Q&A would be great. And it would further strengthen the bridge with our frline copatriots down under. We approve.

Gigi said...

What a great idea. We'll have to investigate.

Cathy Keisha said...

Does this "Megan" (is that her REAL name?) consider herself a fan and then pick your wonderful blog apart like that?? I'm glad she isn't a fan of mine. I'd consider 200 as a number for my blog since TW is so lazy. There's nothing wrong with 300. TW wouldn't let me visit more than once a day so there would be posts we'd miss. Nice to see you and PEOTUS have the same role model. Maybe you'll get a cabinet position.

meowmeowmans said...

Yikes! Megan is tough, Spitty. 400 posts in a year? Our human is hiding under the bed at the thought!

Megan said...

Hey - hang on everyone. I'm not being critical of Spitty and 300 posts in a year. I'm being supportive of him because his Human has aspired to only 300 per year when he would like to post at least 365. My point is that it's Spitty's blog and Spitty is the King, so it should be Spitty's will that prevails here. If he wants to post three times per day, then it's up to the Human to facilitate that. If he only wants to post once a week, that's fine. It's whatever HE wants that's the standard.

Sydney, Australia

PS. And yes, Megan is my real name. And no, I'm not picking Spitty's blog apart. I'm giving him constructive feedback and a bit of a boost to help him derive better value from his resident Human.

Millie said...

Hey Spitty, I'VE MET THE REAL MEGAN IN PERSON!!!! She came to my HOUSE to visit ME!! You want to talk about SPECIAL! She is seriously cool, and for my mind, right on the money. It's a shame your human isn't as supportive of you as she should be. It does take work on our part to get them up to snuff.

Millie, in New Hampstser USA

Anonymous said...

Fans........ya gotta love 'em right Spitty?

Love, Angel Sammy

Marvelous Marv said...

Spitty, mes only comes for their pith, saucy repartee and, most importantly , your beauteous self!!
Your ardent! As alaways,
Nellie Bellie
Ps3 many kisses

Connie - Tails from the Foster Kittens said...

Way to keep Spitty on his toes Megan!

Kitties Blue said...

Wow, Megan is certainly opinionated. She says Megan is her real name, but we want to know if she is human or cat. It seems to us she might be angling to take over Mom Mary's job of typing your posts for you so you can increase your output. Our mom stinks at headlines too. The only one worse at them is our dad when Mom asks him for suggestions. Spitty, no matter what you post or how often you post, we love you. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo