Saturday, September 22, 2018

Sunday Selfie: The Conversation




























THE HUMAN:     Spitty, do you have time for a little talk?
ME:                       Well, I was getting ready for my mid-morning nap. Is it important?
THE HUMAN:     I wanted to talk about your choice of receptacle last night when you, uh, barfed.
ME:                      Yes, I dimly remember that. It was kind of late, wasn't it?
THE HUMAN:     Yes, yes it was. In fact, you woke me.
ME:                       Oh. Sorry, I guess. I mean, excuuuuse me for upchucking and all.
THE HUMAN:     It's not so much the barfing, as where it occurred.
ME:                       And where was that again?
THE HUMAN:     In my good shoes. BOTH of them. I mean, I could overlook one as accidental, but . . .
ME:                      Well, the first one was starting to smell awful, so I switched mid-heave.
THE HUMAN:     ::crickets::         

UPDATE: After frowing up twice over the past few days, about an hour ago I finally rid myself of a large and lustrous furball. Today I chose to make my deposit on the rug you can see above. Not as good as a shoe, I suppose, but my fur *is* black and it looked quite spectacular. You-Know-Who didn't say anything except, "Poor kitty. I bet you're glad to be rid of it finally." I guess she gets a few points for that.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

                                     My New Statue


I was very surprised when the Human brought home this fine picture of my statue outside the Legion of Honor art museum after her visit this morning. It's so large and, well, downright noble. Yes, the El Cid Campéador statue was impressive, but surely I'm more relatable, right? Don't you think?

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

              Multiple-Choice Moment

                      A)  Kon’nichi wa.
                      B)  Why, thank you, Your Highness.
                      C)  Take my wallet--it's right under my tummy fluff!
                      D)  Please forgive me.
                      E)  Halp me, Human!
                       F)  One to Beam Up, Scotty!*
                       G)  All these curtains are mine.**

* With thanks to meowmeowmans for the inspiration
**  With thanks to William's Mom

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

                                   Twofer Tuesday

Oh, she thinks she's soooooooo funny all the time. I say, There's a big difference between hiding from the Clickety-Clickety Brigade and having a house fall on you 'cause you're wicked.

So the Human was strolling up the Embarcadero the other evening with a friend when she whipped out her phone to take a random picture (because she can't seem to help herself). Although there were plenty of people and cars around, she happened to clickety-click at the split second when for a moment none of them were visible. She'd like to claim credit for that, but dumb luck is a better explanation.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Smoldering Sunday Selfie

I know I'd be cuter with *two* ears. But even a one-eared Spitty is still in the top 10% of Good Lookin' ManCats. Right? 

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Little Boxes























Oh yes, I could have a bigger box. In fact, I *do* have bigger boxes. But sometimes, on chilly nights, I like my tiny box near the ancient radiator. It is snug and warm, and I feel secure against the elements. 

Sometimes, I permit the Human to pick me up, box and all, and put us in her lap. Really, I prefer the floor and the radiator. But she says, 'Sometimes, you have to pay the rent, Spitty.'

Thursday, September 13, 2018

                It Calls to Me, but I Do Not Answer

I had the deepest sleepies. I did not even twitch or bat an eyelash 
when the paparazzi approached. 

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Expanding My Horizons?

So earlier, the Human left the front door open and invited me into the hallway of our building. With great caution, I approached the open door and sniffed and sniffed and sniffed some more. Then I put one paw delicately onto the carpeting out there, but "Oh no!" the floor was lava and I dashed away. Then a few minutes later I poked my head out again and this time I briefly got all four paws onto the lava. Now I am in my favorite purple beddy thinking over this intriguing but frightening turn of events.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

                             (Appalling) Sunday Selfie

"Oh Spiiiiiiittty! It's time for you to take your selfie."
"Wait! Just wait a minute! I'm not done
with my baff yet. I want to look nice for all
the LadyCats today!"
"Okay, I'm ready for my close-up now.
Let me just trigger that remote . . .
hey, wait! You sneaked some pictures
before I was ready! This won't end well for you, Human."

Saturday, September 8, 2018

My Belly Trap in Its Most Enticing Form

Don't you just want to bury your little faces in it?

Form a line to the right.

You pays your money and you takes your chances, Humans!

Let the games begin.

Thursday, September 6, 2018

The Great Explorer Patrols His Territory












































See those little succulents? She killed them dead except for one. I had nuffing to do with it.

Monday, September 3, 2018

I'm Just a Tiny Curled Up Kitten

who wouldn't hurt a fly, and who certainly would not rake my razor-sharp claws across the back of the Human's hand and make her bleed for the second time in a week.
And for heaven's sake, can someone tell me what these three ridiculous sprouts rising from my lustrous back furs might be?


Saturday, September 1, 2018

Sunday Selfie: C'mon Now, Tell Spitty All About It

I can see you're troubled by your lapses in constant attentiveness to me.

However, your guilty feelings mean nothing without the performance of proper penance and commitment to change your behavior--did you retain nuffing from 16+ years of Caffolick edumacation?

I was under the impression guilt was their Best Thing!

I don't think you're really trying your best.

Thursday, August 30, 2018

                                            Dalliance

So, the Human had a brief but torrid affair 
with this sweet doggo last weekend. 
Okay, she's cute and all, even I admit that.
I'll even allow as how she was fun to play with. 
But I ask you, my friends, if you had ME 
waiting at home for you, would you be playing 
slobbery tug-o-war with a woofie?
Wait--maybe I don't want you to answer that.

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

                      Oh Hi. Want to Play with Me?

Don't be scared. I hardly ever make people bleed
We was just foolin' you yesterday. Ketchup! Swear.

Monday, August 27, 2018

I Didn't Mean To


  We were just playing a nice game of     Whappy  Paws, and I was getting kind of   excited, and I really wanted to win, and . . . well . . . I'm sorry, Human.

Sunday, August 26, 2018

Thursday, August 23, 2018

KillIt|KillIt|KillIt

This guy just won't STAY dead!

I do my best several times a week, but he keeps turning up good as new.

Honestly, I suspect the Human
might be some kind of

Necromancer
or something.

To tell you the troof, that kind of scares me.

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

             Almost Wordless Wednesday: Bug Off

How's a boy supposed to sleep with these things 
staring at him?
I mean, I was awake all day long!


Sunday, August 19, 2018

Sunday Selfie: All the Woes

Our Giants lost to the Reds today (11-4) so they languish under .500 in second-to-last-place in the NL West; the Human is on her way out to a friend's birfday dinner and she will probably not be bringing me nuffing; my Temptations (a very recent interest of mine) seem to be making me frow up, so now I don't get them anymore (which doesn't seem fair as I didn't mind the frow-up part after); it was cold and foggy with no sunpuddles at all today; I was lurking UTT and she tracked me down so I could take a selfie anyway--I get no privacy at all around here.

Saturday, August 18, 2018

Friday Was Black Cat Appreciation Day?






















Was it? Really? Huh. Not like there was a pawty around here or nuffing. As usual, a day late and several chick-hens short. Well, back to my nap, then.

Thursday, August 16, 2018

                                     Crocheted Aila

Yes, my Finnish LadyCat Aila (click to see her, center top) instructed her Aiti to make me a Aila that I could keep in my very own home (instead of 5000+ miles away, in Oulu, Finland). While she is not *quite* as glorious as the real deal, I do like to sniff and paw and rub her. And I purr loudly as I do. Do you think maybe she can hear me?

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

                                     Toofy Tuesday

With my FLH, but minus an ear.
Minus the  FLH, plus an ear.
What's going on here?

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Sunday Selfie: Me and My F.L.H.


























So, let me tell you the tale of the F.L.H. It all goes back to when I was just a little boy, and the Dad of Wally, Aggie and Maidie took a gander at yours truly and said, "Oh, he has a Freakishly Large Head." Surprisingly, the Human leaped to my defense and said, "He most certainly does not have any such thing!"
But then today she took *this* picture and she said, "Huh."

But c'mon, it's just a bad angle! Right? Right?

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Outside Lands Inside

What I currently look like:


















What I wish I looked like:























Each August, a dreadful & deafening delightful and dazzling three-day (very loud) music festival called Outside Lands comes to Golden Gate Park, very near Chez Spittola. It attracts in the neighborhood of 200,000 attendees, and honestly, we bear them no ill-will. The Human remembers (dimly) what it was like to be young and excited at the prospect of music in the park. 
Now that she is elderly and more than a little cranky, she silently shouts, "Get off my lawn, you dang whippersnappers!" But she puts on her game face and says, "Only three days...only three days...only three days."
Me, I nap. It takes more than 130 decibels to keep King Spitty out of slumberland.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Three!





















So, Three what? you may rightfully inquire. 
Three Spittys? Three pictures? Three French hens?
No, in fact, three posts in the first NINE days 
of August.
And heck, if I can get three more by the end of the
month, we might actually break 100.
Come to think of it, that's impressive . . . in golf,
maybe.

Monday, August 6, 2018

Remember Me?

Well, isn't this a fine kettle of fish! Apparently, she thinks she can just do whatever she wants and I will be here waiting patiently, claws sheathed, meower shut, waiting just like some little good boy until she gets around to helping me.

Now this is a fine little video, but she incompetently filmed me in portrait not landscape, so if you want to get a good look at me and my glorious floof, you'll need to biggify. Can't you tell how I've suffered?




Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Sunday, July 29, 2018

Sunday Selfie: Deja Vu All Over Again

   So, the Human is away. She left me here, alone and starving, with no help at all on my selfie. I don't even know where the camera is--I think she took it with her. And really, in my weakened state, can I be expected to *search* for it?
Imagine this is a nice, fresh, new picture, while I meow plaintively for my next meal, whenever that might appear.

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Gotta Love 'Next Door'

So, Next Door is a sort of semi-Facebookish neighborhood news feed, where people mostly complain about their neighbors' poor parking habits, Amazon drivers' poor delivery skills, and local coyotes' poor decision-making in wandering the streets of the Inner Sunset.

But we were pretty happy the other day when this was not our car, MOL!





















Obligatory Spitty beefcake, because honestly, it's not NextDoorSpeaks, now is it?

Friday, July 27, 2018

I Loves Me the Cozy Warms

The Human says EveryCat who has ever lived here, and I am the fifth, has discovered this spot on our entryway floor, which is perpetually warm. Even shoeless Humans, insensitive as they are compared to us, can feel the warms rise up from the soles of their pathetic excuse for feets. And what makes this spot so special? Well, Kitties, we live on the first floor (actually second as there is a ground floor of garages, etc.), directly above the building's main boiler (hot water, radiators). The boiler operates 24/7. And as you can see above, one front leg has melted right off.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Sunday, July 22, 2018

Sunday Selfie: You Rang?

Now look, you called me and I walked all the way over here, which I didn't *have* to do, to see what it was you wanted.

And as far as I can tell, it was a ploy to take a picture. Even worse, I saw you had my favorite brush in your hand (which, strictly speaking is the only reason I came), but there were no brushies on offer. Only the clicky machine. There was no treat. You ordered me to help take a Selfie. Yeah right. Pull out the Temptations and then maybe we'll talk about it.

You know, if you fake me out like that often enough, I just won't come anymore when you call. Yes, yes, I know: I rarely do now. But how about Never? Does Never work for you?

Thursday, July 19, 2018

I Am Floofy & Special, Just Like That Other Kitty
























*I* could drop my little heady into the Human's hand and curl up on her lap just like that Fritzie boy she keeps drooling over. But *I* have the dignity of a thousand generations of felines, marching proudly in formation since the Days of Bastet and I do not abase myself in front of the Humans. 

Much.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Sunday Selfie: A Shocking Display of Infidelity

So Lord Chancellor Fritzie was abandoned by his People and for the past few days MY Human has made twice-daily visits to his home (last night's lasted over three hours). While I have great respect for his stately age (18) and wisdom (considerable), I was unprepared for this appalling turn of events. Look, if you can bear it, upon his majestic furry head, snuggled comfortably in MY Human's hand, upon his furry orange legs flung with abandon over MY Human's arm, upon his casual ownership of MY Human's lap. No, no--this cannot stand. 
I mean, as Humans go, this one is no bargain. But she's MINE. Or so I thought.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

It's a Brand New Day


















What to do, what to do? So many possibilities.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

(Very Nearly) Wordless Wednesday




This morning was so very sunny, and my round purple bed so very comfortable, and my breakfast so delightfully digesting in my (non-pettable) tum, that I barely even noticed the Human and her clickety-clacker.

Sunday, July 8, 2018

                         Sunday Selfie: I Dare You

"You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"