Sunday, May 10, 2015

The PurrFurMance Review:
I Cannot Tell a Lie

Review of:            The Human
Date:                        May 10, 2015 (by coincidence, Mother's Day)
Reviewed by:     King Spitty I, Lord of All He Surveys

Quantity of Output:  Has your purrson posted to your blog daily to give you maximum exposure worldwide and make you famous?

Since her last review in February of 2011, we have posted 1177 times. However, in all but one year (2012) we missed several days. There's really no good reason that she should not help me post every day.  TWO PAWS

Quality of Output Are you, as snoopervisor, satisfied with your purrson’s choice of photos, words, creativity, imagination, truth, fun and general interest in your postings?

Well, I am of two minds here. Overall, she does a decent job of conveying my catitude toward her and the world in general, and she focuses mostly on issues of great concern to me (food, brushies, naps, beddies, toys, and so on). Still, I have noticed a disturbing trend this year: It seems that she randomly and without warning usurps my blog--MINE, Kitties--with silly postings of her own that are of no conceivable interest to me. This needs to stop. TWO PAWS

Client Pawticipation:  Does your purrson provide sufficient ways for your fans to contact you and for you to contact them?

Yes, I'll give her a good mark here. FOUR PAWS

Pawticipation (Part II):  Does your purrson allow you to take part in fun blog-world special events, pawties, contests, and more?

No! She is terrible at this! Worse than terrible! Is there a mark for WORSE than terrible?

Client Satisfaction:  Are your friends purringly contented with what they see and read on your blog?

This is a bit hard to judge, but my loyal readers are kind and hilarious in their comments so I will grant a good score even though it is not on the rubric. THREE PAWS

Overall rating and comments and suggestions for improvement (in your own words):

The Human has earned 11 PAWS in a total of five categories, but I am going to subtract one for her abject failure in Pawticipation (Part II). 

So 10 PAWS divided by 5 categories equals an average of TWO PAWS by any kind of calculation: Old Maff, New Maff, Integrated Maff, Common Core Maff, PolyMaff, or AfterMaff.

                                                                (  )  High                                   Four paws
                                                             ( X )  Medium  Two paws
                                                                (  )  Low                                   One paw
                                                                (  )  Worse than low           Claw swipe
                                                                (  )  Pawful                              0 (zero)


  1. I think you're being a bit harsh, bud. I think she posts non-Spitty stuff every now and then to give you more time to nap! That's certainly worth another paw.

    1. Oh, and Pee Ess. The stair project has hit yet another snag. This is what happens when she gets ideas from the interwebs. On the plus side, we can hold off being further poisoned by polyurethane fumes!

  2. My momma don't wanna see her review.

  3. I think since your Human gotted her new camera, the photos have been Spittilicious!! TW’s review will be coming and she’s NOT looking forward to it.

  4. Much room for improvement. Happy mum's day.

  5. I think you were fair, and even generous, in your review, Spitty.

  6. DANG Spitty! I need to do Mommy's again! And I may indeed do so.

    Glad to see you finally dragged yerself over to see me. Sheesh!

  7. I disagree with William May - this review seems very fair to me. Mind you, Cathy Keisha has made a good point: the quality of the camera work has been much improved in recent times, so perhaps you could give her a lick or something of encouragement in that department. As for your Human's increasing use of non-Spitty subject matter and pics: hmmmmm. Not good, not good at all King Spitty. I'm wondering whether you might set her up with her own blog - 'The Humble Human' perhaps?. You could be generous and link it to this one so that she gathers at least SOME readers. Once her own blog is up and running, make a point of invading it every now and then with Spitty posts, featuring Spitty news, Spitty comments and lots and lots of Spitty pics - and then she how she likes it.

    I hope your Human accepts your feedback in the spirit in which it was given and, after she's overcome her shame and humiliation, she focuses on lifting her game. I think it's wise to schedule more frequent performance reviews going forward so that she isn't able to develop any more bad habits without your constructive criticism and hints and tips.

    Sydney, Australia

  8. Well, that's not a totally bad review.
    She is only human ya know ;)
    Happy Mother to furbabies Day to your human "mom"!
    Purrs Georgia and Julie,
    Treasure and JJ

  9. Well, that was certainly a well thought out review, Spitty.

  10. Claw swipe + Zero?????


    Spitty, we'd welcome your review of OUR Mommy...we fear our capacity for conveying her nadir is beyond us.

  11. One well thought out review Spitty! Your Peep is doing better than any of the other's we have seen. We aren't rating our's because she is a big fat FAILURE!!!!! Maybe next year......

  12. That's a tough, but we believe fair, purrformance review, Spitty. There's always room for improvement, right?

  13. Seems fair enough, Spitster.
    Happy Mother's Day to your Mom!

  14. An excellent review, Spitty. Seems very fair.

  15. A bit harsh, but then again, you are a difficult master to please, King Spitty. Still, at least the score was non-zero.

  16. that's the purrfect gift for mom's day, two paws are not bad :o)
    easy rider

  17. Spitty I think you have been more than generous in your assessment! At least your human does post almost every day. The Staff says that will happen here when I start doing something interesting and she can be bothered to get here finger out!!! Sheesh!!

    There was retribution from the snivelling menial. I think all will be revealed next post :((((

  18. Spitty we think your human does a pawesome job! Wait til you see mine (probably next week!) Love, Cody

  19. I think you were more than fair. I agree you need to participate more, we miss you at Cat Scouts.

  20. Spitty, yous so furry kind to your human. Does yous thinks mes was too harsh with mone? Do you think her bad review will affect the quality of my care?
    Anyways, yous looks marvelous darling.

  21. Spitster, I know for sure that you "calls 'em as you sees 'em" so if you feel you've fairly graded your human who are we to question your judgement?? I do think that you could manage SOMEHOW to visit Scouts more often - we miss ya buddy.

    Hugs, Sammy

  22. Maybe you should give her some treats to stimulate an outstanding purrformance, whaddja think?

    Emma and Buster

  23. Spitty, that is the best score any A.T. has received from what we have seen. Good for you, on not being so hard on Mom Mary. Mau says he wishes you could get to Scouts more 'cause you are so much fun. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

  24. Not a bad score, considering humans.
    Did I tell you your header is overwhelming, dear Spitty. That face is such a ladycat-killer! (In a VERY good way for us ladycats!)

  25. I think you have been more than generous in your scoring Spitty. My human would score far lower. I must look up her old reviews because I am sure she won't have improved.

  26. We hope yer Bein improves after that very Not-Top-Score!


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