Monday, June 3, 2013
Seeking Board-Certified Cat Servant (San Francisco)
Spitty, Inc. is interviewing for a part-time, temporary position available immediately. Suitable candidates are welcome to apply as soon as possible!
If you are passionate about serving your Betters and want to get in on this exciting opportunity, now's the time!
You are an ideal candidate if you are subservient, patient, persistent, creative, not-too-intelligent, and flexible. Please email your resume, three feline references, and a photo of your brush collection. Non-hemophiliacs only need apply.
• Direct contact with and servitude to Superior Being (always avert your eyes when approaching Kitty)
• Help Kitty achieve correct level of brushing-induced pleasure coma
• Thorough scooping and sniff-testing of litter box, including replenishing as necessary
• Suggest and administer exactly correct number of pets and scritches, but no more or less than required, a number which changes day to day, and sometimes hour to hour
• Refill two water stations, leaving some old water in one station
• Evaluation, implementation, and maintenance of proper feeding program (open and serve as many cans as it takes to find the perfect flavor for the day)
• Ensure availability of ample beddy and toy selections
• Remain focused and willing to acquire additional knowledge to improve your Kitty-serving skills
Salary commensurate with whatever Kitty decides you're worth, which for most Humans, is not much. Maybe you'll be the exception?
Spitty, Inc. is an equal-opportunity employer.