Seeking Board-Certified Cat Servant (San Francisco)
Spitty, Inc. is interviewing for a part-time, temporary position available immediately. Suitable candidates are welcome to apply as soon as possible!
If you are passionate about serving your Betters and want to get in on this exciting opportunity, now's the time!
You are an ideal candidate if you are subservient, patient, persistent, creative, not-too-intelligent, and flexible. Please email your resume, three feline references, and a photo of your brush collection. Non-hemophiliacs only need apply.
Job Description:
• Direct contact with and servitude to Superior Being (always avert your eyes when approaching Kitty)
• Help Kitty achieve correct level of brushing-induced pleasure coma
• Thorough scooping and sniff-testing of litter box, including replenishing as necessary
• Suggest and administer exactly correct number of pets and scritches, but no more or less than required, a number which changes day to day, and sometimes hour to hour
• Refill two water stations, leaving some old water in one station
• Evaluation, implementation, and maintenance of proper feeding program (open and serve as many cans as it takes to find the perfect flavor for the day)
• Ensure availability of ample beddy and toy selections
• Remain focused and willing to acquire additional knowledge to improve your Kitty-serving skills
Salary commensurate with whatever Kitty decides you're worth, which for most Humans, is not much. Maybe you'll be the exception?
BYOBandAids.
Spitty, Inc. is an equal-opportunity employer.
31 comments:
We can barely keep our servant at home to serve all of our needs so we don't think she'll be applying.
OH boy! If I lived there, that would be a great job! Bonus, I'm already used to bleeding for one pet too many from Star!
Star says: Don't listen to my mom, her attentions are already divided between me and Leo, she can't handle a third! Unless... She and I can come there, and we'll leave Leo at home and the two kitties my mom can serve will be you and me! Ok, that sounds like a plan, what do you think?
We have to firmly say that TBT is NOT available for the advertised position, even if he DOES apply. He CANNOT accept the position as we have hidden his car keys and credit card.
There is no one here qualified - I guess we will have to decline as fun as it sounds
Nobody living here qualifies for this position.
Does Board-Certified mean you'll be brandishing the board for that certification? MOL MOL MOL!
You'll probably starve here, Spitty. Mommy gives us our meals for just 10 mins then she clears it up. And if don't feel like eating what she served? Well, too bad, she says. She's mean.
Spitty, Inc.
I'm totally speechless.
It's short and snappy.
Maybe I should go with Ms. Stella O'Houligan LLC
kinda rolls of the tongue.
xoxo
Ms. Stella
Good luck in the search Spitty. My peeps are on a warning for keahing me alone last night. Perhaps I should start looking for new staff too...
No immigrants need apply - Äiti is not available for work. It's bad enough getting her to do stuff here.
We love the job ad though :) No GSOH needed
My mom wants to apply! I find that disconcerting and somewhat scandalous! I think I may need to issue a similar flyer and change staff!
Meanwhile if you come here to live, think of the possibilities!
We'd like you to write some of the job descriptions in our human's workplace.
As for your available position--we know our human certainly doesn't qualify!
Pat is on the damn computer waaaay too much, he is no good. but you can still have him lol
Good luck with that, Spitty!
Fun post, silly boy!!...Our Mommy stays very busy with 5 kitties, a full time job, a part time job and something she really hates called the gym, BUT you could always come here to live=she probably won't even notice 1 more kitty...Of course, we rule the house and she brushes us daily...And there's plenty of nip=what more do you really need, sexy Spitty??...kisses...Calle, Halle, Sukki, (Mommy Cat, Daddy Cat invite you to their garage apartment too)
DOOD !!!! we dinna noe ewe incorporated....we dinna noe we new that werd...anyway...dont forget ta shredd all tax documents.....hope ya find yur staff purrson nell quik...skewlz out sew it shuld knot bee a problem ~~~~~
WOW that is one heck of a LOOOOOOOOOONG list of job duties! My Mom meets the "not too intelligent" criteria PURRFECTLY! When can she start? She has always wanted to visit SF
Do we get to vote on the cwndidates Spitty?
Mom isn't too intelligent and she'd be a good servant. She only has a problem reading my mind when I walk into the room...mol Well, I'd be alone if I sent her, so I'll just keep her.
xoxo Kassey
OMC Spitty!! Take mine …. please!!! She's not even intelligent enough to know she's unintelligent!! She'd be purrfect!!!
MOL Thanks for the BIG laugh!!!
Spitty the Kitty, if my mom lived closer, she would SO apply for that job!!! I just wanted to stop in and say HI to my friend!! No, my blog is still not updated. No, I don't know if my lazy mom will EVER update it. But that doesn't mean that I don't still think about my friends!
Love, Zoe
Wow, that's going to be tough to fill, Spitty. We don't know any humans who fit all those criteria...
TW is lacking in all those categories so I guess she won't be applying. If she does, she lied on her resume.
Hey there! If you have any leftover 'suitable candidates' with whom you have no use, please consider sendin' some my way. Ol' peepers could do with the competition.
Purrs,
Nissy
Well our Mommie only qualifies on the not too intelligent item. Plus, while she is not ideal, she is all we have currently, so she can't move on.
Do not even consider our mom's resume. She fails on most levels.
Dearest Spitty,
The Cat From Hell Corporation would like to know if yous could pass along the most suitable candidates that did not meet your requirements (but came close). However we need someone who also can walk the hairy slobbery sisters and cook their suppers (they don't eats commercial foods). We will shower whom ever wes gets with with tons of slobbery doggy kisses.
Thanks yous for your prompt response in this pressing matter.
Kisses
Your Nellie
Our mum won't work out. She can't smell very well, so the litter box sniffing would be a problem.
well, can I send a DIS-recommendation? just in case Mrs. W. decides to apply, which she might, seeing as how she is hopelessly convinced you would finally come to lubs her if she brushed you long enuff. Pleeze contact me privately so i can whisper in your furry ear teh many horrors perpetrated by this Grabby-Handed Human. then contact teh Authorities. i can't have her inflicting her Outrages on teh rest of Society. So, BEWARES.
So, are you looking on trading your mom in for a newer model or are you just looking for a back-up? We wouldn't hold our breath if we were you waiting for the resumes to arrive. Your reputation proceeds you. Purrs and hugs from the kitties at The Cat on My Head, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette
honest to god, human, you are hilarious!! you must literally sit in front of that white box and giggle out loud (that's GOL not LOL since i know how much you-know-who is in to acronyms) the whole time you're putting those black spits on the screen. i could easily qualify for your position because i was one *in a hospital*!! so i don't have to worry about byobs!
i have to share some sad news with you though. our beloved little man became very sick and we had to send him to heaven on may 23rd. he sent me a message letting me know he was greeted by so many of his friends AND his dog mentor, Duffy.
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