Monday, March 19, 2018

Who Knew a Simple Exorcism Could Be So Exhausting?

Well, apparently an exorcism really takes it out of a kitty. I'll have to remember that for the next time. My friend, the Mom of Elliott, Izzy, Ivan and Sweet Caroline,* says that once the Human retires--an imminent occurrence-- this and other types of misbehavior could occur with increasing frequency.

I don't think I have the strength for that on my own. I may have to call together a volunteer squad of my fellow felines to help carry out cleansing rituals after too many strange Humans end up sitting--or worse, passing out--on my furniture. ::shudder::

*Well, I think she's sweet. She does have some brothers who might possibly disagree.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Sunday Selfie: A Shameful Exhibition

No, not me, Sillies. If you look carefully, and ignore my adorable kittenish playfulness (nearly impossible, I know), you might see some evidence of three Old Bats having an impromptu drunken pre-St. Patrick's par-tay last night (don't you worry about Spitty, though; he stayed safely UTB for hours). What an embarrassing debacle that ended with a 74-year-old neighbor passed out snoring in this very chair. As you can see, I am performing an exorcism this evening with my sacred fevvers.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

You Be the Judge

A. Imagine if you will a winsome and endearing kitty seeking only a spot of relaxation and warmth in his day:

B. and a group of Young Lady yoofs at the Human's school braving the rain to have their say:

A or B? or B or A? Who's the Fairest of them all?

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

The WatchCat

I had to argue long and hard to convince the Human that this photo was not too unseemly for use on my very own blog.

After all, I consider it my sworn duty to stand guard over the Human when she is, um, busy in the Human Litterbox Room.

She felt that perhaps this topic might be somewhat undignified, but I told her there was absolutely nothing undignified in a fine ManCat ensuring the comfort and safety of his Human in her time of need.

Right? Right.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Sunday Selfie: Come to Papa, Little Birdie

There, that's good.You know I wouldn't hurt you.


'Cause I'll want to play again soon, right?

There, there, no need to scream.

Friday, March 9, 2018

The Human Likes to Sit Here

Sometimes, that's  allowed
But not tonight.

Tonight, I was here first.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

                Zee Ack-reddit-tay-shun, She Eez O-vair

And can't you see how thrilled I am?
Why, I have even opened one eye.

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Sunny Sunday Selfie

There were sunpuddles today so I wasn't as mad as I might have been that the Human spent the day at school. This was the first day of their "ack-reddit-tay-shun" visit. Whatever that means. She says it'll all be over Wednesday. But I dunno. I don't find her the most honest person.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Since some of you inquired about what a "soft story" is (and believe me when I say we didn't used to know either), herewith is Wikipedia's explanation:
A soft story building is a multi-story building in which one or more floors have windows, wide doors, large unobstructed commercial spaces, or other openings in places where a shear wall would normally be required for stability as a matter of earthquake engineering design. A typical soft story building is an apartment building of three or more stories located over a ground level with large openings, such as a parking garage.
This was the picture that accompanied the little article. Maybe we'll stop complaining about the retrofit now:

Friday, March 2, 2018

Once Upon a Seismic Upgrade

The last time the Human parked in her garage was July 31, 2017. 
On that day, Anthony Scarramucci, The Mooch, spent his last day at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Prince Harry was still footloose and fancy free, & Elon Musk's Tesla was still on Terra Firma.
In all its infinite wisdom, the city of San Francisco issued a decree that all residential buildings with 6 units or more and a "soft story" must be retrofitted. Worst case, three months they said.
                              Tick    Tick    Tick    Tick.
So, as we embark on our eighth month of Honda displacement, yesterday appeared this Thing just outside our front door, looming like the portal to a distant and dangerous universe. Or maybe just a particularly ominous port-a-potty covering.

How will it all end? we ask. But no one replies.

Obligatory picture of The Kitty, so you can tell how much he's fretting about the Human's parking difficulties:

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

                    A Boy Needs His Leafy Greens

In the One True Sign that spring is 
finally almost sprung, I give you 
this fine film. It's a travesty that it 
wasn't nom-inated, you know?

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

                                     Howdy Pardner

This ole city slicker's 'bout to wet his whistle with some moonshine and then find Stampo and rustle us up a plan to skedaddle and find us a new spread somewhere right nice. 
Mebbe a dude ranch?

Monday, February 26, 2018


Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm dragging around 
a couple of Pomeranians.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Sunday Selfie with Stampo

My beloved Stampo (What big eyes you have, Little Buddy!) was sent to live with me by the Late, Great Punapippuri, King Kitty Cat of Finland(N), a great friend and Fellow Royal. We still misses him something fierce. But Stampo comforts me. He's a fun little guy.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Big Boy Bafftime

Well, would you look at me. Getting all clean and shiny. Could I be expecting a Lovely LadyCat visitor? I don't know. You tell me.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

         Sunday Selfie: Purrfect Circle

There's really never been anything like my purple beddy. Such a perfect fit. Such a delightfully royal color. So round and firm and fully-packed.

Friday, February 16, 2018

Lullaby and Good Night

So . . . the Human bought this nice, soft, velvety blanket for herself. But honestly, did she think The King was going to sit idly by while she enjoyed it?  It is to laugh!
This delightfully soft and flattering backdrop was designed to show off my best feature, my ebony furs--plus, it allows me to sink right into to the fleecy, fluffy, cushy goodness.

Ahhhh, now that's better. She can find her own place to sleep.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

     No Kittens Allowed: The Easiest Contest I Ever Won

So there I was, Kitties, innocently napping. When next to me appeared a . . . a . . . well, let's just call it a Thing. The Thing was rather oddly shaped, ahem, but it smelled divine (to me, anyway). The Human just held her nose and said, "P.U."

So, a while back, we posted a picture to the Facebook page for Putting the Cat on the Table, a podcast created by two Humans: Karin of CatioTales and MomKat Trish, formerly of the Katnip Lounge and currently a denizen of Facebook (and honestly, who knows where else?) And apparently that was enough to cause, Thing to appear on my doorstep, fresh from MomKat's crochet needles (hooks? sorry--I don't know from crocheting).

I must say it did cause me great joy, though now I have gone back to sleep in the sun. Perhaps there will be another No Kittens Allowed chapter in a while, when I have become more, um, intimate with my new friend.
Honestly, Kitties, you should listen to the podcast. They might tell some 
embarrassing stories about their feline companions, but they are pretty funny.
And between them, they have like seven hundred cats.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

                 Sunday Selfie: I Like to Nap Here

Under the calming steady gaze of My Whitester. 
Perhaps it is Nellie or The Baby come to watch over me?

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Happy Boy Playtimes

Now, don't get me wrong. This was fun! A peacock fevver is a fine plaything indeed. But just once I'd like to get my paws on the whole peacock. That would make for a fine time, don't you think?

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Cud- Cud- Cuddletimes

Despite the fact you have abandoned me far too many times for work in the last two weeks, and despite the fact that you have failed abysmally to do anything about the HOTS , and despite the fact that satisfying playtimes have been sadly lacking, and despite the fact that we have not posted since elebenty days ago, or maybe it was two, I will still give you a nice cuddle for coming home on time and asking so nicely.

But it will be a quick one.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Sunday Selfie: We Has Da Hots

When the temp gets into the 70s in early February, I gets into a pouty rage.

How dare the HOTS come before we've even reached mid-winter? 

I do not like my foods or my toys or even playtimes much when the weather turns like this. Instead, I mope, and droop, and go limp.

I like to blame the Human.

Saturday, February 3, 2018

               (Not) Just Another Day at the Beach

Hey! This is our trash--you get your own!

There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby

And moi? Why home on my throne, of course.
(And you just put it right out of your silly heads that those girls were cleaning up after ME!)

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Theepy Thurthday

I am nearly always theepy and the Human says that is the best picture-taking time. I think so too because I do not have to pay any attentions to that clickety box in my really adorable face. 

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

The Human Says She Has Career Advice for Me

She wants me to be a . . .  



I don't find that very amusingDo you?                                                                                                                                                                               

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Sunday Selfie: Call Me Winky

Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no toonas in my bowl, and nothing particular to interest me in the Human, I thought I would sail about a little and see the 
. . . world. It is a way I have of driving off the jimjams . . . Whenever I find myself growing grim about the whiskers; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses . . . it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically scratching people's skins off - then, I account it high time to get some catnip as soon as I can.

With apologies to . . . can you guess? The Human took a whole course on this writer in college . . . you know, back when she still had brain cells and all.

Friday, January 26, 2018

Oh Hammy, My Hammy!

You have returned to me! I won't even ask you where you have been hiding, because I know the stoopy Human stashed you somewhere like two freaking years ago and forgot about you but *I* never did and you can't imagine how exciting it is to see you again.

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Sunday Selfie: Peaceable Kingdom

I am resting now, after a long and blissful time of making biscuits on the Human before she even was completely awake. When she did struggle out of her deep slumber, she was afraid to move even, lest I stop this new and charming behavior. I just don't know what's come over me lately: Laps, stalking, biscuits.  

Will I soon completely lose my gritty, urban feral edge, and become a soppy boy?

Where will it all end?

Friday, January 19, 2018

The Stalkeratti

I didn't use to blink an eye when the Human left me for her j-o-b at dark o'clock in the morning. But now? Well, now I sort of stalk her down the hallway and cock my furry little head as if to say, "Et tu, Human?" as she abandons me. I try to make her feel guilllllty. 

Mission accomplished.

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Spitty Sitting Pretty

Look at me, will you, upright and independent, beholden to no Human to satisfy my emotional needs.

What? You thought maybe I was turning into some kind of softie-boy, carousing with the Human at all hours?

As if! A certain New Joisey LadyCat should not worry her furry gray-and-white noggin about Spitty abandoning his feral roots.

And I still have a blue-pillow vacancy, just so's she knows.

Monday, January 15, 2018

I Don't Want to Break the Internet

or anything, but this very morning, after 13.5 years of proud aloofness, Yours Truly wandered all uninvited . . .
right smack-dab into the Human's lap, for the very first time ever. Hey, what can I say? It was cold in here. It's not like I'm turning into a big ole softie or anything. Nope.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Pretty Paws & a Tale of Woe & a Miracle

The Old Bat experienced a miracle.

About a week ago, she dropped her phone in the toilet bowl at school (not disgusting, fortunately, but still: water). Its future looked grim.

With almost no expectation of success, she gave it a decent burial in a bowl of rice and went about her phoneless days. Time for the stoopy Human to pony up the cash for a new one, I guess. And not leave it in the back pocket of her jeans to go splash.

After the futile rice bowl treatment, the old phone got plugged into the charger and . . . nothing. So the Human tossed it in a drawer, bit the bullet and ponied up the cash--and a lot of it too--for a new Google Pixel 2 phone, which arrived a couple of days ago. It is shiny and sleek and delightful. 

As she plugged it in to charge Thursday night, she saw her old charger and thought: Oh, what the heck. It's been a week. Let's plug the old one in more time and . . .
Suddenly, there on the dark screen, appeared the familiar charging icon. And didn't it just charge right up like nuffing ever happened! And now it seems to be working fine (except no data plan or phone service because she had already transferred all that to the new one).

Well, as a friend said in an attempt to console her, it still hooks up to the wifi, so it can have a new life as the world's smallest iPad, ha ha meow. The Human thinks she could probably have returned the new one, but she decided not to since she is not totally convinced that the old phone is going to continue to work purrfectly after its four-day sojourn in the drawer.

Humans and their silly machines.

Oh! and what has all this to do with these adorable paws, you may ask? She tested out the Pixel's camera today. My dangly feets look purrfectly kissable, do they not?

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Impawtant Questions

1.  When can I expect the warms to start coming out?
2.  Were you planning ever to put the Sucky Monster away?
3.  The shelf? It's embarrassing. (Well, that was kind of a question.)

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Dereliction of Duty x 2

Well, Kitties, because the Human was neglectful in the extreme about her schoolwork (i.e., correcting the final exams her very diligent students took the week before the long and lovely Christmas break), she now informs me that it is *I* who must pay the price. We are taking a week's hiatus so the Human can catch up on her duties and not be a disgrace to her profession. Me, I say just give them all an A and be done with it, but she says that would not be "ethical," whatever that means. ::sigh::

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

The Party's Over

So the Human returns to her j-o-b in the morning, to struggle through One Last Semester as retirement glimmers on the horizon like the rising of a long-awaited sun after an unimaginably long, dark night.

Oh geez, Human, enough with the drama. Just quit already!

Monday, January 1, 2018

                 Happy Mew Year, Kitties and Humans!

This is a rather unflattering photo but the Human thinks it a sign of good times because I am sleeping with my paws curled up, which is something I am ordinarily far too reserved and dignified to do. Well, whatever. Let her grasp at straws in her need to focus on something besides going back to work on Wednesday. 
Cheers, efurrybody! May 2018 bring better days to us all.