Tuesday Toy Time

I have had this toy since I was a wee boy; in fact, it is 

the first toy the Human ever really got me to play with.

I still lubs it sometimes.

Perhaps you'll enjoy this Close Up 

of my Mighty Claws?

A King's Work Is Never Done: The Viceroys, Chapter 7

Kozmo ~ Telegraph Hill (1) A very fine view--maybe he can even see Nellie's Realm
Queen Katie Isabella ~ Financial District (2) The Trustworthy Queen deserves to rule the Finances of my fair city!
Shaggy & Scout ~ Portola Shaggy & Scout may also romp in McLaren Park, adjacent to their territory.
Neytiri & her Ducky ~ Ocean View (3)  Ducky will have regular access to ocean swims, though Neytiri may prefer digging in the sand.
Quint ~ Visitacion Valley  Vis Valley could use a good artist to teach the grafitti'ers a thing or six.
Leo ~ The Dumbarton Bridge* See below

Swami Zoe, Kuruk, Nalle & Apollo ~ Co-Viceroys of Noe Valley They will share dominion over Noe Valley, which includes the Human's school & so must be well-protected!

Derby and Ducky ~ South Beach/SOMA (South Of MArket)  D&D will bring some much-needed class to this Hipster Doofus neighborhood.
The LadyCats of Jacqueline's Cat House ~ Union Square (4)  Though small, the Union Square area is home to SF's chi-chi'est retail establishments. Who better to govern Tiffany's than Halle, Calle and Sukki?

* The Dumbarton Bridge is about 30 miles south of the city, but we think it wise to have it guarded 24/7 by a semi-responsible Viceroy to prevent sneak attacks by Silicon Valley Felines. Leo will have quite an area to govern and defend:

N.B.  Various of the Viceroys have raised questions concerning salaries (as if!), the collection of taxes (hmmmmm), and such things as outfits and weapons. The King must cogitate further upon these topics (well, except for the whole salary dealio. In a word: No.)

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Well, the Human did not, of course, but she went today and somehow she decided that was more interesting than me. We'll see, Kitties, won't we?

The only winning part of the day came with the introduction
of four of the Oracle crew. They looked happy
and handsome and stuff. But watching
the America's Cup is still like watching paint dry.

Here is the third (or perhaps the fourth)--it was hard to keep track--

hapless Giants pitcher of the afternoon. He looks like he's

doing a good job, doesn't he? Alas, no.

Late in the game, the players lined up along the dugout railing to--
what? show they weren't afraid to watch? pray? use the Vulcan
mind-meld? Too little, too late.

                                   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

At least the sign in the parking lot was
sufficiently ungrammatical to amuse the Human.

Spitty and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Barftacular Very Bad Day

Hello Kitties, especially all my longer-furred Brethren and Sistren:

Let me tell you about yesterday. When the Human came home from work, she noticed I had disdained most of my breakfast (while this used to be commonplace, since The Great Outrage of August, 2012, I have grown considerably fonder of my foods).  

She decided I'd not had a treat in a while, so she cracked open a jar of the Good Stuff: Gerber's Chick-hen. In case you're wondering, Spitty chowed down, consuming about 80% of that jar in short order, and then I went and gobbled up some of my crunchies.

But about 30 minutes later, I began to rue my gluttony.

I meowed the legendary Bomiting Meows of My People, and up it all came!

It went everywhere! I managed four different spots on two different rugs.

The Human was huffin' and puffin' and scurryin' to keep up,

following me with spray bottles and a whole roll of paper towels.

She noticed as she went about the drudgery that there was no large, tell-tale

fur torpedo to be found amongst the various bomits she cleaned up.

Until today, my furiends, until today:

All together now:

These three words mean you're gettin' busy

Whoomp there it is

Whoomp there it is

Every Picture Tells a Story

Yes, I can. I can see that just fine.

But as you can see, I'm busy now and have No Comment.

Perhaps if you come back another time? 

What? It's Nice and Warm!

I am perfectly comfortable here, thank you very much, 

and I have no interest in getting off the keyboard.

You have a Chromebook. Go get it! 

I'll probably be moving later on. When I feel like it.

OMC! I'd Forgotten All About This!

Why, it's PLAYTIME! 

Hi Kitties, I'm baaaaaaaaack! And the Human said 

we'll catch up on commenting over the next few days. 

I've missed you!

And honestly, I have not been played with 

in years. Or maybe three or four days.

Or something.

Easy Sunday (Not)

Hello, Kitties! I am the bearer of irritating news today. The Human is enmeshed until Monday night in not one, not two, but three "huuuuuuuuge" work projects, involving such things as deficiency notices, paper correcting and (the killer) 14 letters of recommendation. Ouch! Even *I* feel a little sorry for her (though no one else needs to, as she feels plenty sorry for herself).

Anyway, this means I am on an enforced Blogcation for about 72 hours, and all you Viceroys-in-Waiting will just have to hold your horses. Do not fret, though, because Spitty does know who you are, even you mind-changers and complainers, Savan-- uh, cough, cough. Ahem. Alrighty then.

So be good to your Peeps, Kitties, and don't do anything I wouldn't do--heh, heh. And for any of you who are interested? That enchanting blob of white fur did NOT get frowed up. I think I'm keeping it ;-)

Center of Attention

I was a good boy when Savannah's Pawrents visited. Okay, possibly after they left.

And why the different hue when the pictures were taken 30 seconds apart? 

Why, Human ineptitude, of course!

A Love Story in Three (Blurry) Pictures

So, my Furiends, we got our calendar today. As you can see, Truffle and Brulee fulfilled my request to "fur it up a little," ha ha meow. 
This is a little embarrassing to admit, but I, um, ate the fur they sent. The Human tried to pull it out of my mouth, but she was too slow.
I dunno--is that weird? I thought it was delightful!

Gasp! How Could She Publish This Picture?

More breaking Viceroy news this weekend....Stay tuned!

(Please join me for Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day @ Katie Isabella's, where I demonstrate the proper Gentlemancatly Behavior when there is work to be done on a sailing vessel....)

Burn, Baffs, Burn

The Human met some friends at the Cliff House, a notable tourist trap, 

but still not bad for an early weeknight dinner. While they ate, I lounged

about outside and kept my eye on the ruins of the Sutro Baffs, 

which burned down in 1966, almost fifty years ago. 

How can baffs burn down? I don't get it. Well, no loss, surely. 

They can't have been any use to Kitties.

The Viceroys, Chapter 6:(Almost) Full House

      

      

Sleeping Boy with ToeHawks

Original sleeping kitty on striped upholstered chair, using natural light and table lamp. Unframed and unmounted (heh, heh).  Approximately 8" x 22". Not for sale.

Viceroys, Chapter 5

Angel Abby (Ping, Boo, Jinx & Gracie have visitation rights): Lake Merced, Harding Park
Stran (The God Emporer): Fisherman's Wharf (chock full'o'fishies!)
Mahoney & Two-Two:  Lake Shore & Park Merced (Perhaps they can visit Handsome 
                                                                                           Fritzie in the Western Realm sometimes....)
Tonk's Tail:  North Beach (Viceroy-in-Chief ~ Allie, a sophisticated Lady for a 
                                                      sophisticated neighborhood)
Nellie:  Diamond Heights (because, really, what's more purrfect for a Queen?)
Oui Oui:  Glen Park (and just for now, maybe she can keep a sharp eye on Bernal Heights 
                                          as well)

Kitties, the map is starting to look very good. I am pleased that so many you have stepped up to represent me throughout my Fair City, and of course, protect my Castle  from all enemies Foreign & Domestic, short-hair and long-hair, angry brothers and boyfriends, and so on; well, you get the picture.

Callie and Swami Zoe, You are up next (and sorry about the whole Sammy thing, Swami Zoe--we can work this out amicably, I am sure!)

Surveying the Kingdom of Onyx

Onyx is the Beauteous House Panther next door. She is not allowed

outside, so I can only gaze upon her when she perches 

on her window sill. This is still her backyard, though,

even if she's not allowed to play in it. Onyx's Moms take care of me

when the Human abandons me for some silly reason or another.

I like them, and I don't run UTB when they come in,

but, still, they are never allowed to touch me and they respect that, 

which makes them A-OK in my book.

Loot x 2

So Kitties, I had a pretty exciting day on Tuesday. Frankly, most of the day seemed pretty ordinary, but when the Human came home she had two small parcels in her school bag just for me!

One of them bore an exotic U.K. postmark and the unmistakable writing of the Beauteous Blond Woofie, Mollie! She sent me a note, and some Catnip Drops (score!) and two floofalicious fev-ver balls! Thanks, Mollie! You're a doll . . . even if you are a woofie.  

The other package contained two miniature 'Nip-scented tennis balls purchased just for ME by the Principal of the Human's school! Since she said she was inspired by Wimbledon, I guess this second gift has a U.K. connection as well.

Do you know what the Human did after she took these pictures? I'll bet you do! Yep, that's right, Kitties, she scooped all *my* presents up and put them away for "later." Just another outrage. Really, what's wrong with her?

The Viceroys Ride Again

Lord High Emperor Rumblepurr:  Nob Hill (very uppercrust, just like Rumbles)
Tutu:  Chinatown (and Queen of all Chinatowns throughout the World)
CK:  Bayview~Hunter's Point (Da Hood)
Moosey, Gracie, & Zoe + Prancer Pie, Princeton & Precious:  Twin Peaks  
                                                                                                           (One Peak per Household)
Austin: Forest Hill  (nearby to serve as Official Bodyguard)
Nerissa:  The Marina (northern, near water, easy to rule remotely)
Sammy:  Sunny Potrero Hill, right next to CK who will protect him!
Timmy:  Laurel Heights (lovely and tree-lined)
Raven:  Hayes Valley (the chi-chi & happening Arts Center of the City)
* :  To Be Announced

Finally today, looking out for my Royal Interests in Nevada:

NB:  Tonks Kitties, Nellie, OuiOui and Stran: You are up next! Impawtant strategic territory remains Viceroy-less, just waiting for a Leader. Any other kitties who want a ticket on the Viceroy train, just let me know. S-t-K

Sweet Purry Boy

Our little movie this evening is dark, shadowy and boring, 

but if you turn up your sound really, really, really loud, 

you can hear me being a Sweet Purry Boy for the Human. 

NB: I am ashamed of her, but the Human is , uh, growing more elderly by the day and tonight she is exhausted and planning to Hit the Hay* very early. She knows we have been remiss, Kitties, oh yes we have, and you have been furry patient with us her. We will have further Viceroy news tomorrow and I will make her visit SOON.
* Pricilla, Do you know what this means?

♫ ♫ O Tailio, O Tailio . . .♫

Much pleasure can'st thou give me
O Tailio, O Tailio
How richly Cod has decked thee! ♫



And now for the Guantanamo San Francisco Baywatch:

New Viceroys
Flynn:  Cow Hollow
Savannah:  Bay Bridge (East)
Island Cats:  Bay Bridge (West)
Kitties Blue:  Treasure Island
Oliver: Alcatraz and surrounding waters (on Probation per Ms. Stella)
Jura, Javaa & Sampo:  Golden Gate Bridge (under strict supervision of Punapippuri)
Binga: Tenderloin (nominated by Sparkle)

Nerissa, Sammy, Timmy Tomcat, Raven, Austin and the LoungeCats are all currently awaiting remote assignments. Stay tuned!
Have I missed anyone? Remember: This is your chance to get in on the ground floor of Viceroydom. Hurry or all the best neighborhoods will be taken! Upper Market and Twin Peaks are of great strategic importance!

Petting Is Nice . . .

 . . . but brushies are awesome

Ahhhhhhh, just purrfect.

P.S. Lots more kitties (and non-kitties?) wish to become Viceroys. Don't worry--your territories will be assigned soon. We will try to ensure Local Kitties receive the territory of their choice. We will probably do another post next weekend. As the Human's father used to say, Now just hold your horses! We're gettin' to it!

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack!

As you may have noticed, I've been sulking for a couple of days,

hot and harried by the 90-degree temperatures and my Human's 

irritating-though-unsurprising failure to provide consistent service.

On Thursday, there was "Back-to-School-Night" during which

patient adults had to endure the decidedly unsnappy patter

to which ordinarily only their air-headed teenage offspring are subjected. 

Honestly, it's so hot I don't know what her excuse was yesterday.

However, I have not been completely unproductive. 

I have been appointing Viceroys! Last Thursday, 

I wrote of my chief Viceroy, Fritzie, which apparently

encouraged other friendly Kitties to step up

and volunteer themselves as additional Viceroys.

As you can see above, the Richmond District, north of Golden Gate Park

has been assigned to Emma and Buster (their Mom likes the restaurants there), and

the Haight Ashbury will be governed remotely by the Tabbies of Trout Towne.

Glogirly's Katie offered Waffles up, so he's been (virtually) stationed

in the Western Addition, and cousins Aggie, Wally and Miss Madie Mitten Kitten

will defend Noe Valley and the Castro.
Update:  Pricilla has maaa'ed that she would accept the Viceroyship
of the Mission District, chock full of history, murals, excellent food,
tacquerias and more Hipster doofuses than you can shake your tail at.

Other kitties volunteered themselves as well, and there are plenty more

neighborhoods to go around, Kitties, plenty! Surely somekitty will want

to become the Viceroy of the New Bay Bridge! And what kitty wouldn't want

to govern from the lofty heights of Twin Peaks? 

So stay tuned for further appointments to come.

Also, my long-ago offer to conduct a coronation or two in Maryland

has at last been accepted. Negotiations have been initiated, and if all goes well, 

you may expect a ceremony by Halloween

It's Thankless Thursday 'Cause It's Too Darn . . .

                         But when the thermometer goes way up
                                 And the weather is sizzling hot
                                 Mister God, for his squad
                                 A marine for a queen

                                 A G I for his cutie pie, is not
                                 'Cause it's too, too, too darn hot
                                 It's too darn hot
                        It's too darn hot

P.S. The Human says: Thanks for the Birthday Wishes, everyone, but I was not the birthday girl at this soiree! Clockwise from 6 o'clock: Mouthwatering home-cooked ribs, garlic bread, tomato and pepper salad, deviled eggs, quinoa salad, macaroni salad . . . and there was MORE, including an ice-cream cake AND a homemade apple pie. Tell the truth: how many of you want to change your vote now?

Dinner or Me? Me or Dinner? Your Choice

~ OR ~

Now you can be honest, Kitties and Humans. 

*I* certainly wouldn't dream of getting out my spellbook 

to make your warts grow back.

Faced with this sumptuous birthday repast

or a few extra hours spent cuddling with yours truly, 

which would you choose?

In answering, you might take note of the fact that *I* was not allowed

to post yesterday. That might be a little hint to the alert reader

about which foolish choice the Human made.

We.Are.Not.Amused.

I must address those cruel and unkind suggestions Thursday that I have now grown too zaftig for my chair-hammick. 

Kitties, I am wounded to the very core.

It is the incompetence of the Human

in fastening those complicated straps,

coupled with my joy in unwrapping them,

that has brought this hammick low.

Tomorrow, or next week, or surely 

sometime, the Human will attempt to re-attach the straps and I will resume my efforts to undo them.  All will be well.



Five hours later . . .

Now, see, the Stoopy Human 

re-hung it (crookedly). 

Soon, I will undo the straps again.