Tuesday, August 21, 2012

We Have to Talk, Kitties

~ In happier times ~

Well, Kitties, you would never believe what happened to me at 3:30 p.m. today, Tuesday, August 21, 2012, a Day That Will Live in Infamy.

For the past few days, my left eye has been leaky and schmutzy and the Human decided that, although she has not been able to get me into a PTU since I was a wee lad of four or five months, there was nothing for it but a trip to the Ebil Vet, the Stabby Place, a place I had heard tell of, but of which my personal memory had faded into the dim mists of time.

Well, I was unceremoniously dumped into a big plastic and metal box, Kitties. ME! Spitty-the-Kitty! Into a BOX! A little metal door was slammed and I was whisked away against my will and shoved into an even bigger metal box that began to move.

I was so terrified I was SPEECHLESS. Can you even imagine???

Then I found myself in a Little Room alone with my Human, who foolishly graciously opened the door of my PTU. Well, Kitties, I exploded out of that thing! There's no other word for it. I leaped, I howled, I growled, I literally climbed the walls! I knew there had to be an escape route, or at least a hiding place, but NO. There was nothing! I finally settled, panting, on the counter where the Human attempted to subdue me calm me.

That lasted until Satan's Minion entered the Little Room. Oh yes, she spoke softly, she was easy on the eyes, but she was the Spawn of the Devil.

She and the Human conferred. Terrible actions were contemplated, and WORSE, carried out. 

The Ebil Vet and her Ebil Lackey could not get hold of me for an injection, so....I was GASSED !!!!!  To tell the truth, I am kind of proud of that. They had to take me down, Kitties. Spitty did not surrender!

My eye was medicated (conjunctivitis). My claws were clipped. I was injected with something called "booster" vaccines.

But that is not all, not by a long shot. There was WORSE.

Can you guess? Well, CAN YOU?

I, Spitty I, King of California and the Western Lands, was t-u-t-o-r-e-d.
To be honest, I'm not even quite sure what that means. So please, if you decide to tell me, break it to me gently.

You can reach me UTB for the foreseeable future.


  1. OMC! We cannot believe King Spitty was taken down and "tutored." (We're not gonna be the ones to break it to you what really happened to you. You'll discover soon enough.) But at least you didn't go down without a fight. And we hope you make your human pay...BIG time...for what she put you through.

  2. *Admiral glides weightlessly down a sparkling beam of light and settle next to Spitty UTB*

    Darling Spitty, my dear sweet mancat. You were treated for your eye problem and other needed things but your tutoring was in fact being neutered. Now you and your mom need not worry any longer that you may develop illnesses due to all of those unneeded hormones coursing through your handsome svelte and satiny body.

    Come closer and I will tell you why you should be glad you are not burdened with those un-needed accoutrements. Lay your head here in my neck ruff and close your eyes while I wash your face and ears. Can you hear my purr still? I have things to tell you that will make your smile and purr.Be still. Close your eyes. Now once upon a time long ago when Harrar was still alive..he was Tail Chaser you know....*and Admiral murmurs softly into King Spitty's ear and she whispers a tale about times long ago in cat lore before either of them were ever born. while Spitty drifts off to sleep*

  3. Oh my Dear Spitty, I can't imagine the hell you were put through (well, yes I CAN, so that's empathy right?) I am so proud of you my boy, I can't express how my ebil heart leaps! with veneration for you whom had to be subdued not by one mere mortal but MANY! You didn't happen to draw much bloods did you? Oh Cod I wish I coulda been there! I mean after all, hopefully they hadn't clipped your claws at that point.

    As for the tutoring... Well, at least now the pink beddy will make more sense.

    Ms. Stella O'Houligan

  4. Uhm, Spitty, before you scooted under the bed, did you happen to notice that when you walk, there was not quite as much, ummm, ...swing....to your back half?

    Sassy would be here to say hi, but she is off at a with a bunch of other lady cats having a memorial service...

  5. We have no idea what you are talking about. MOL

  6. You're our hero.

    Pee Ess - we hopes you feel better soon.

  7. Oh Spitty!
    hat was horrible! Now yous has joind the vast numbers of us cats who is tutored and spayed! Yous will no longer squirt your manly scent on things - just because. Lady cats might not seem quite so alluring (wes will still be interesting).
    Me can't comes and gives yous a massage, tonight or tomorrow, me has to takes care of my Daddy. Yous will has to find somebody else tonight and tomorrow.

  8. Oh no, Spitty! My paws got all sweaty just reading about this! (Do you know what the minions at my fix-it place put in my file? "WILL BOLT," so I can completely feel your freak out.)

    Well, I think you should demand that your human give you that package now. My sister sent you something special and it might make you feel just a tiny bit better.

  9. LET ME AT THEM!!!!! I shall join forces with you, King Spitty and I shall declare war on the Evil vet, her lackey and maybe give your human a quick bitey too. This is so not good.
    Tell me, have you noticed a couple of things missing ? Are you walking a bit more freely ? We need, as a matter of the greatest urgency, to get back to the evil vets and rescue a couple of quite valuable little (?) things. Then if we are really quick we might be able to stuff them back whence they were swiped. They might be a bit shrivelled by now, but maybe with a couple of fur balls added you can have your royal magnificent orbs back.
    And, dearest Spitty, how do you feel about the lady cats now ? We can tell you that even though the fountains of testosterone have been removed, it is still possible to be all lustful. Stran and Mirsku are very affectionate to some of the others, and I have also been seen getting emulating them, and my little nads were taken away even before I'd noticed they were there.
    Oh, and we hope the eye is getting better, and your poop hole is not too sore.

  10. OH, SPITTY!!! Words fail us.

    Taffy & my woman, Laura

    PS: Hope you feel all better very soon.

  11. Whoa! I am speechless. And that is saying quite a lot.

  12. Whoa! Spit, Buddy!!!! Welcome to my world! Ya know, it's not so bad being tutored. It just means you feel a bit lighter in your fundamentals and there are a few advantages to be being without your googlies, so I'm told! When I find out what they are, I'll let you know! Meanwhile, old pal, think pink and all will be well! >^..^<

  13. OMC! First, we can't imagine you speechless. Seriously.

    Second, AACCKK! Gassed?!? We're almost beyond words at your ordeal, frankly, but glad you didn't go down without a magnificent fight.

    Third, we had no idea you weren't "tutored" long ago! LOL!

  14. Oh dear Royal One, at least you are home and UTB. I would stay there for a while if I were you!

  15. Spitty você é impossível. Espero que você esteja melhor.

  16. I no cans imagine any sort of boxes you was inside nor the stuffies that you wented through but I is a rescue and has gone through lots of sufferings too
    Woofs (and me tries to meow) to our lovely homes

  17. Spitty, I'm a girlie so I think I need to send a mancat to talk with you UTB....

    xoxo Cory

    Hi there Spitty...Nigel here....say um...you know that when I was neutered it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes I was hissed off...yes they too had to take me down...but in the long run it's been awesome. No more smelly pee...no more well...no more worrying about fathering kittens (which is a bonus with the girls). If you want me to hang out with you while you recover, you got it.

    Manly headbutts,


  18. tooterd or nooterd? It makes a werld of diffrince, not that you will notiss wen I visits az I haz been paid, or spayd. Sumthin like that anyway. I can only imajin teh horrors an I iz rushing ovar with warm nipz tea an treetz to halp you rekuver. *softpaw* xoxox

  19. Oh Spitty.wot can wez say..The awful trauma youz went frough's...I am getting the pink blanket fing now though..bol :)xxooxx

  20. take a deep breath. Count to five. Exhale. Repeat often. Here's something that may cheer you: The Introoder may be paying you a visit in September. Isn't that the best news yet?

  21. Well, Spitty, it was the pink (eye) that brought you down. Your love for pink knew no bounds and you had to extend the pink into your eye. I'm proud of you for not surrendering and I hope you bit down hard on all of them, causing massive blood loss. Gassed? THAT is not part of the Geneva Convention and they should be arrested for that. Gitmo is too good for them. As far as the tutoring, I'll bet that evil v-e-t is wearing your man bits on a necklace around her neck proudly. She has quite a story to tell of brining down a King. She MUST be killed!

  22. OMC Spitty!!! GASSED???? WTF!!??? I am proud of ya though for putting up such a good fight, your day at the vet was even worse than mine (which I am blogging about Friday).......Wow Spitty!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Feelin' for ya pal!
    Love, Cody

  23. The deed's done! Oh Spitty...don't you feel a whole lot lighter now? Well, I did try to warn you about never turning your back to your Human...guess you got a little careless.
    We have to hand it to you. That gassing bit was perfect! We're so proud of you.
    Oh yeah, been meaning to ask your Human. Has her stone passed?

  24. I have never heard it called that but... well... it happens to the best of us, I'm afraid. May the purrs be with you.

  25. Congratulations on being neutered! Oh you won't believe how wonderful it is in the end.. Trust us.. I know it isn't much fun to go through but it really is worth it in the end.

    Sorry to hear about the eye, and the horrible time you had getting there.

  26. We can understand why they decided to make it an all-encompassing trip to the Vet, Spitty. Clearly you would not ever want to have to go back for a second time. I guess the gas was a blessing in the end. Makes a guy forget. Welcome to the tutored club!

  27. OMC! You did a great job of defending yourself. I am pretty sure the next time you have an appointment at the vet place, they are doing to be more scared of you than you are of them. That is as it should be. Never leave them laughing!

  28. My goodness, Spitty. We didn't know you weren't neutered. We hope you will feel much better after this major ordeal. Not all trips to the vet are as bad!

  29. Handsome Spitty, you are to be admired coz the way you held out to the furry last, nefer giving up to be caught. Of course, maybe the gassing helped in not 'membering how awful that ebil vet was.Even with your mancat things gone, you're still a stud. Iz the hooman gonna puts medicine in your little eye? Get well soon, King Spitty.
    xoxo Kassey

  30. Oh Spitty! You really are a drama King! It's all a matter of CATitude you know. The vet is only there to help, but you forced them to gas you with your obstinate resistance.

    Truly, I have no idea was t-u-t-o-r-e-d means in the context of a vet visit. Did something go up your bum, PURRhaps?

    If you want a lesson in how to conduct yourself at the vet, go and see my Domino who was there just yesterday. To her, it's just a social occasion.

  31. Now everybuddy was uplifting and gave you all the loves you deserve. Admiral came to see you and here I am as well. Transport over when you feel you can. The crack of the jar is waiting. xxoo

    PS the INTROODER IS COMING!? In SEPTEMBER!?? What about the brown blankie..the pink beddie? Is HE going to move them?

  32. Gasp! How could your oomans do that to you pal? You'll never be the same again! They've taken all your fun away too,. I never knew the vet man/lady stole those parts from you too. I guess mine was stolen a long time ago cuz I don;t remember it at all. I do remember tho when the vet stole all my toothies! They are evil!

  33. Oh Spitty! Poor poor Spitty!! Hang on... Star's coming around, Leo fetched the smelling salts for her.. Ok, she's ready to speak.

    Star: Spitty, Darling Spitty! I'm so very sorry you were trapped, transported, and treated so.. so.. terribly! Oh but you didn't go down without a fight! I've never been more proud to be one of your ladycats! I am so so so glad though, that you will now live longer and healthier! Oh my gosh, I was not a kitten when I had my um... lady version of your surgery.. And I am so so much happier now! Seriously!
    Now, you go ahead and snooze UTB and I'll be over with a strong bottle of nip brandy and a bucket of ice! The ice isn't for the nip brandy by the way.. I'll snuggle with you until you feel better! My poor darling..

  34. Oh how can any Ladycat be jellus of Star's offer. How dear was that?

  35. Great Cats!!!
    Spitty what an outrage! First of all the horible horribleness of it. Grabbed and whisked away to places unknown in the belly of a frightening beast! When mom was catching Zolies feral kittens if they got out of the carrier they would bolt into walls and try to climb them so we can just see you doing that!!!! Gassed! Well, all we can say is....wow. Your great fierceness prompted that and you should be proud. But the tutored part? We had no idea you were not tutored yet!!!! By the way its nootered and you can just go Ask Max all about it! Rest easy friend.

  36. Oh I'm so sorry Spitty, for your ordeal! But sounds like you fought very bravely. And being gassed...I've never heard such thing! Yes, you should be very proud!
    And I hope your eyes gets better soon!

  37. Spitty
    No matter the tiny matter of missing a few pieces here and there you are still the GREAT Spitty!!!

    ✿•*¨`*•. ♥Abby♥Boo♥Ping♥Jinx♥Grace♥✿•*¨`*•.

  38. Oh, nooooooooooo! How could she? And you left them alive there? (Good thing, we wouldn't want you to go to jail for life.)

  39. Oh my dearest Spitty...my SF Bay furriend!! I was dumbfounded by your experience...and ahem...I so relate...although, I don't have a problem once I am in the PTU...but getting me in it is a total trial..and for now...Mom does my nails...and I know they are plotting as to who will do the devious "snatch and grab" move...usually Dad does, then I avoid him for the rest of his life...but Mom is plotting to do it now...oh Cat...what a mess...paw pats, Savvy

  40. FaRADaY: First...let me just say...AUSTIN's comment was LAFF out LOUD funny. Not that I'm laffing at you. Cuz I'm not. *snicker*

    Maxwell: DUDE. *awed look* You actually put up such a fight they ... GASSED ... you?!? You da MANcat.
    Uh... Sounds like yer trying to play a game of charades there. "t-u-t-o-r-e-d": SOUNDS LIKE...

  41. Hmmm... King Spitty, let us put it THIS way. Do you now recall exactly WHY you loved to flirt with the lady cats so much?

  42. Holy Cat! You got TUTORED, Spitty? Seriously? It'll be alright, pal. You're the KING, no matter what!

  43. Oh my COD, Spitty!!!
    I can't believe what you've been through. I must say, I'm proud of your VET performance. I always try to put on a very similar show. They all have to wear those thick armpit-length gloves.

    I hope you're feeling better. Don't worry about the tutor thing. It will all be ok. You will always be a king.

    ; ) Katie

  44. OMC !
    They let the evil vet both gass AND tutore you ??!!
    What kind of servants do you have ??!! *shaking my head*

  45. Trifecta, speechless, gassed and nootered. You came back alive though dood.


Leave me a meow or a hiss; I don't mind a hiss or two. . . or even a bitey.