X-Rated Playtimes

Good thing I have all this black fur, isn't it, LadyCats? Or perhaps you'd have preferred a less furry view? 
I hear PlayGirl, Kitty Edition is looking for Mr. September. 

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?

It is the west, and Miss Onyx is the moon. 

HMS Bountiful Pulls into Port Spitty

OMC, Kitties! Now I'm not sayin' you should all sign up to have your teefs yanked (I really can't recommend it), but if you ever has to, I hope you get a Toof Fairy as fantastic as mine!

Ellen and all the Kitties at 15 and Meowing (Phoebe and all the others--there are so many!) really outdid themselves.
Just lookie:

It's Christmas in July, Kitties! Look at this FAT envelope full of things just for me! Stay away, Human! Did I tell you you could touch my stuff?

Well, I did let her open the envelope for me, and there, amidst the bounteous collection of freshly-baked toys, was the most exciting little box I ever saw!

I mean, could there *be* a box anywhere in all the realm as purrfect as this one? I told the Human we will keep my very finest possessions (i.e., my Nip and Silvervine) inside. None of her crap will be allowed to defile the innards of My Precious.

Now, you may notice that I am still playing with the Blue Ball of Enchantment. The Human has offered me some of the other toys, but so far? Well, so far I am obsessed with this thing. I know soon enough I will choose the orange fishie or the delightful Chick-hen leg, but for now? Well for now, it's just Me and Big Blue. You other toys will has to wait your turn.

                              T · H · A · N · K     Y · O · U !

The Toof Fairy Came! The Toof Fairy Came!

If you want to know who my Toof Fairy is, and what else she leaved for me, you'll have to come back tomorrow. And you know it wasn't the Human!!!

Cuddling with Spitty

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hah!

Me? No, I'm Not Doing Anything. Just Hangin' Here with My Kicker.

I was kicking it,too. And having a real good time.

Too bad you missed it.

I Never Cared for Candid Camera

         and the Human's version is not changing my opinion.

Pining Away for the Human

Oh, wait--no. You're home again.

How will I have time to drum up sympathy from all the beauteous LadyCats if you're back already?

Couldn't you have stayed away for a couple more days?

She Had Water Without Me

Perhaps the outer edge of Hurricane Dolores reached California's desperately parched Central Valley. Of course, no one bothered to consider that *I* might have enjoyed seeing this rain, too. They got wet in a thunderstorm, and all I got was this stupid video.

Sunny Side Up

The weekend is here and the Human has gone away! Yes, yes, I know she has been a devoted and attentive nursemaid during my recent affliction, but her hovering and constant interruptions of my naps have taken their toll on my patience. She gave up her little July 4th adventure to stay home and coddle me so I am pleased she will enjoy a blistering few days in the scenic Central Valley, where the air is super-heated and the grass is brown. Meanwhile, I will rest up and do what I can to sharpen my tiny swords.

Thankful Thursday: The Last Action Hero

I want to thank all my loyal furiends, Kitties and Humans alike, and perhaps even a woofie or two, for their kind support during my recent, um, Escapades.

In gratitude, I have gone to great pains to produce this action-packed (mini)Summer Blockbuster for your enjoyment!

Wordy-ish Wednesday: Toy Time

Hello Kitties,
The Human was pitifully pleased this evening when I deigned to play a bit with a favored toy from Feline'o'Mine (William's store).

You will notice, please, the cunning little orange arrow that points to my hideously shaved leg where an intrusive needle was placed ::shudder:: during my euphemistically named "Dental."

Game of Thrones, SF Edition

She thinks she's Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, but in fact she's poor, deluded Catelyn Stark. I am Tywin Lannister and don't you forget it.

Oh, and the picture? Well, that's where about 40% of this morning's antibiotic dose landed.

Heh, heh. Got some crunchies, too. Life is good in the kingdom today.

Machiavellian Mancat Monday

I rest and I plot, and I plot and I rest, as the unheedful planet spins on its axis.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

I have Had It with my Human and her Evil Squeezy Syringes of Doom.

I Do. Not. Like. having medicine forcibly squirted into my mouth (or any other tender bodily orifice), thank you very much.

Yes, yes, for a day or two I was too weak and addled to Fight Back. But no more.

The battles today have been Epic, my Furiends. Think Thermopylae. Hastings. Waterloo. Gettysburg. Normandy.

The score stands at 1 all. The struggle continues.

The Good Kitty

I have 12 fewer teefs (bye-bye, you bad boys!), but in their place I have some stunningly good drugs. 

Yes, I am higher than a kite on some quality meds, my friends! I am, as they say, feelin' no pain. I stare out the windows in a blissed-out trance. 

It's a good thing these little pre-filled syringes are calibrated for a kitty my size, or she'd be squirtin' those things into her own mouf.

I guess these are what the Toof Fairy left me, eh? Good job, Tinkerbell!

So What's This I Hear About a Toof Fairy?

I'm not really much interested in quarters or dollar bills.

What do you think she leaves for us Kitties?

NB from The Human:  Spitty has several no-good, very-bad teefs that must be extracted. When it comes to these horrible teefs, better out than in sayeth the 
v-e-t, and the sooner, the better. He will have them out Thursday and expects an excellent present from the Toof Fairy.

Sunday Selfie: Sleepless in San Francisco Edition

Please, she's driving me crazy, Kitties. Yes, I am a bit under the weather, but understand: She is hovering. Petting me when I am trying to sleep. Putting food under my nose before I am interested in eating. Did you even know there was such a thing as Humans who brush too much? I need my nap now.

Oh Woe Is I

Good morning, Kitties, and Happy Fourth of July! *I* am not having a Happy Fourth of July, or Happy-Anything-Else, either. Phfft.

After a most unfortunate trip to the Stabby Place on Thursday* I have been grumpy and out of sorts. This has not been made better by the dearth of applicants for the position I posted Thursday. I think the Human is rejecting them before I have even had the opportunity to conduct interviews.

I really need my own phone number. Or maybe thumbs.

Oh, and wouldn't you think that, given my delicate recuperation from the traumas of the Stabby Place, that she would at least spare me from the intrusive lens of the flashy box?

But, no; evidently my suffering is naught to her but fodder for the blog.

Insensitive old bag.






* I am scheduled to return July 21 for dental procedures, including a couple of "extractions." I do not like to ponder the meaning of that word. The last time something was "extracted" from my person, it was from the other end and it not only hurt like a %#@%^, but afterwards I wasn't a real boy anymore. ::sulking::

Help Wanted: Domestic Servant

Position immediately available: Live-in valet/chef

Qualifications: In charge of food purchasing, meal planning & service & clean-up, private servant duties, including regular brushing and fur maintenance, twice-a-day playtimes, box scooping; daily secretarial duties required: familiarity with Photoshop a plus. Must be willing to fire current Staff before assuming position.

Compensation:  Generous

Start date:  ASAP

References required

NB: Must be willing to follow precise orders regarding further visits to Park Animal Hospital™ for ::shudder:: extractions. Those orders will be: NOT.GOING.ANYWHERE.