Don't You Love Me Anymore?

Spitty, stop being so emo now. It's not very Kingly. You don't want your subjects to lose respect for you!

I'm sorry I have been gone so much lately. I promise it will get better, starting today.

In fact, instead of NO Human around, tomorrow night there'll be about 10 of them!  Isn't that grand?

Spitty? Spitty?  Where did you go?

Door #3 and Secret Paws Teaser!

Here is Kitty #3, called Butterscotch. Those of you who are longtime readers will recognize this little Boycat Lothario who makes himself available to all and sundry.
Here, he scrutinizes the Human's red chips to make sure either (a) no one attempts to steal any, or (b) she does not attempt to cheat (which sadly is not out of the question, ha ha meow).

*          *          *          *          *

Oh, Kitties! Just look at my Christmas bounty! Click right here

The Christmas Cats: Chronicles of Infidelity

This is Cooper. He is round & firm & fully-packed. A very good boy.

This is LillyBelle. She has the most unusual furs 

the Human has ever seen. With her furs unruffled, she looks black. 

But if you administer some pets, you see the bright silver undercoat. 

She's not as nice as Cooper, but that is not surprising 

as she is a girlcat.

You see, Kitties? *This* is what I am expected to put up with

 when she abandons me--not just the indignity 

of being left on my own to starve, but the additional humiliation of her infidelities.

There was another kitty, but he's a story for another day.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, & Happy Holidays!

Wishing every Kitty and Human (and any other creature, too!) a Happy Holiday Season full of love and good cheer. The Human says we'll be back Monday or Tuesday!

We Three Kings of Orient AreBearing Gifts, We Traverse Afar

They're not for Spitty
More's the pity!
He'll give us all a scar.












The Human hung these up last weekend, but frankly even if those gifts were for me, what the heck does a kitty do with myrrh?

Even with My Eyes Squeezed Shut

I can tell those little spies are talking about me behind my back. It's not Right, Kitties.

Something Old, Something New, Something Classic, Something Blue

So first of all, this post is a travesty, really, because there is No Kitty in either nativity set. The Human says I should be able to set that fact aside, and appreciate these for what they are. The one on top is from the Human's girlhood (you know, back in the nineteenth century) and the blue one she bought for way too much money about 10 years ago because (a) she liked it, and (b) she lost her mind when she found out Oregon had no sales tax.
Both of these are currently set up in our house (or, as I like to call it, Santa's Workshop). This evening we would like to take a poll:  Classic or Blue? 
Me, until one of them gets a kitty, I can't in good conscience cast a vote for either.

Yes, Yes. Please, Continue.

I'm listening.

Monday, Monday: Can't Trust That Day Suspicious Sunday Selfie

              Monday, Monday
              Sometimes it just turns out that way

Meet My Mini-Me

How adorable is this ornament sculpture artistic tribute to my Kingly Self? (Do you see how cunningly the hanging attachment creates my crown in a miracle of practical design?!)

This fine addition to the Spitty Collection was a gift of the Human's lovely massage lady who endures listens patiently to many stories about Yours Truly. It will be on semi-permanent display in the Castle.

For those who wish to view this art in person: Visitors bearing toonas (plural) are welcome by appointment only. The subject of the artwork is not user-friendly, however, and visitors are encouraged to bring their own bandaids, as they are not included in the price of admission.

OMC! OMC! OMC!

The brilliant and generous Miss Ellen from 15andmeowing remembered how much I LOVE the Sacred Dark Blue ball she made me a long time ago now.

Well! Yesterday a mysterious package arrived in our mailbox just for ME. And do you know what, Kitties? Well, do you? I bet you don't!

I will tell you though:  It contained a light blue ball, another dark blue ball, a gold ball, an orange ball and a bright pink ball! All for me!

And do you know what the Human did? Well, she gave me ONE ball and then she squirreled the other four away because she says I will not appreciate all five at once and I will lose some.

Phfft to all that, say I. I mean, okay, I *might* lose one. Unlikely, but possible. But where does she get off thinking I won't appreciate them all??? She's ridiculous sometimes, right?

Miss Ellen enclosed a note that said in part, "I remember you liked these fuzzy balls. I made a bunch for you to play with. I call them 'spit balls.' "  Ha ha ha meow!

I love her.

Now, as it happens the Human caught me in a moment of quiet reflection with my ball, but last night I was leaping and pouncing like a 12-week-old instead of a 12-year-old. But I stopped as soon as she got the camera out. You understand.

She's on vacation now, though, and so maybe she will capture a more, um, vigorous play session!

Thank you, Miss Ellen. You are just the BEST.

It Is a Dark and Stormy Night

When I'd rather be in my beddie-cave, 

admiring the show my tailio is offering

than out there in the cold deserted streets 
where no one is dining al fresco at the tiny cafe.

Dear Megan

As some of you noted, yesterday we received The Comment of the Year from our Loyal Reader Megan in Sydney, Australia. Both Spitty and I enjoyed her lengthy missive, though perhaps for different reasons . . .

Some Helpful Tips to be Going Along With 

(from an Avid Fan):

- You need to focus attention on your headlines, Spitty. "The Human and I Disagree" is hardly commentworthy, let alone a headline - it's the standard state of affairs, I would have thought, in your household. Headlines are meant to grab attention. More effort required please.

Spitty: Thank you! No kidding, right??? I had a much better headline in mind but the Human said, "Oh no, Spitty! You can't use those kind of HBO words on your family-friendly blog." *I* say, And just whose family is THAT?

The Human: When Spitty can write a clever headline and still keep a civil tongue in his head, then perhaps I'll let him write some better headlines. I will go so far as to agree that this one was . . . uninspired. So, how do you like *today's* headline?

- Now, you know that I'm on your side, 10000%, don't you? So, you've also got to know that when I provide constructive criticism, it is well intentioned - designed to help you continue to improve yourself and your reputation and your blog. So - are you ready? Here's the thing: in complaining about having these particular photographs published, you are, I'm afraid to say, being hypocritical. It wasn't all that many weeks ago that you complained about the fact that the Human had the temerity to post without including a pic of you. And I agreed. So, it's hardly fair or proper that you're now complaining that the Human has included pics of you in today's post. 

Spitty: Are you calling me hypocritical? ::incredulous:: So, like, I guess that your "10000%" is really only 9995%? Is that what you mean when you say 10000? 'Cause, now, how can I really trust you again???

The Human:  Exactly, Megan. Exactly. Thank you.

- You couldn't behave in an undignified way if your life depended on it. You are a King. It follows, by definition, that everything you do is regal - and dignified. You are worrying about the wrong stuff: today's pics are delightful.

Spitty: Why, thank you, Megan! I had not quite considered it from quite this angle! Perhaps it's like when Richard Nixon was being interviewed by David Frost and Frost asked him, "Would you say that there are certain situations - and the Huston Plan was one of them - where the president can decide that it's in the best interests of the nation, and do something illegal?" And Nixon answered, "Well, when the president does it, that means it is not illegal." So, no matter WHAT the heck I do, it's all good. In fact, it's Royal. And thereby both dignified and delightful.  Thanks, Megan!

The Human: Nice role model, Spitty.

- People do need things to cheer them up. And kitties are the things designed for exactly that purpose. Indeed, that's why the internet was invented: so that kitties would have much wider scope for getting themselves 'out there', cheering humans up no matter when in the world they were. Carry on the good work

Spitty: Will do. It's my mission.

The Human: Oh, please.

- Where did this entirely arbitrary goal of 300 posts per year come from? There are 365 days in the year and, to be honest, I think you've set the bar very very low if you're aiming for only 300 posts. 365 per year would be reasonable, and 400 a good 'stretch' target for 2017 - surely there's so much you want to share with your readers that trying to squeeze it all into 400 posts per year would be a struggle. Let it out, Spitty.

Spitty: Again, thank you! I look at 365 as the minimum acceptable number of times per year to vent my spleen instruct my People regarding the proper relationship between Royal Felines and Human peons. Really, without my daily reminders, some of those felines might do their Human's bidding, and frankly that's just appalling and dangerous.

The Human: When you are paying the rent, Spitty, and when you grow the thumbs, then (maybe) your opinion will count.

See ya tomorrow ('cos it's not too late to make a last-minute pitch to achieve 400 posts in 2016, you know).

Spitty: ::eyes light up::

The Human: ::dissolves in gales of hysterical laughter::

Megan
Sydney, Australia

The Human and I Disagree

Now, here's the thing, Kitties. Yesterday was Post #299 for 2016. I say, We have 

19 days more to reach our 300-post goal for the year. What's the hurry? There will

be lots and lots of opportunities that don't involve pictures of Me, King Spitty I,

flailing about in a most undignified way on the dining room floor.

But, "Nooooooooo," says the Human. "We need to get #300 in the books 

and then I won't have fret about it or listen to you complain about it

every single day." Besides, she says, I look funny and people and kitties alike

need something to cheer them up in these stressful times, right?

Well, maybe she's right. But I think she just wants a good excuse to skip a lot 

of posting days. And please, don't laugh loud enough for me to hear. 

I do have feelings, you know.

Sunday Selfie: Did You Hear?

Grass is legal now!

What do you mean, It always was?

I'm practically sure that back in the day, some Humans and Kitties went to jail for it, right?

Now I don't have to grow mine in the closet anymore and hide from the PoPo, right?

C'mon now, don't lie to Spitty. I mean, I've been around the block! I didn't just fall off the turnip truck.

Right?

Caturday Playtimes

Oh! Oh! OH!

Kitties, 
Look! Oh just Look! At what came for me in the mail today from the multi-talented Ms. Stacy!

Do I not look even *MORE* handsome and alluring than I am in real life? Is that not Raven herself perched on my own little heady?

This is the best thing that has come in my mail since . . . since . . . since . . . well, since EVER, that's when!

We just don't even know how to say Thank You, 
but we'll work on it. And believe it or not, this was not the *only* thing in the box. But tonight, this glorious image of Yours Truly must needs stand alone!

Heat Worship

The Human ruthlessly cut the Radiator God (at right, just beyond the frame) out of this photo, as He is messily painted and the tray underneath quite dirty.

I hope it does not make the R.G. angry enough to withdraw his blessed warmth. I'm sure she meant no offense.

For Once, We Is Prepared for Secret Paws!

So she says. She still has the crucial Post Office step, and she doesn't like the Post Office much.

Tunnel of Desirable Objects

                                     You should *see* what I find in here sometimes. Mrrrrrow.

Calling David Copperfield!

Anybody got a
saw?








Wait--maybe I didn't really mean that.

I See LondonI See FranceYou See CinnamonUnderpants

I was warm and a-seeping very deeply, so she Took Advantage.
But really, I look so good, I don't mind at all.

Wishing My Friends Sammy, Easy & Fiona Safe Travels

Godspeed, my friends. We'll meet again on the other side. Love, Spitty

Playtimes in Pink

Bast! I love chasing things! And killing them, too.

Spitty Is Mad

So, she had tried to grab me up off the bed when I was relaxing, and you all *know* how irritating that is, so I bolted. And then she chased me around for like 10 minutes. And then I took a little baff and she even filmed THAT. She needs to get a life. Seriously.
You can see how quickly I turned around and listened to her when she started talking to me, too.

Make It Stop!

Geez, the Human accidentally took a "burst" with the camera on her new (and first-ever smart)phone  and decided to see if it would upload to the blog. It did, but now I'm all yellow and seasick. Please get me out of here!

Sunday Selfie: A Pause for Paws

I could have filed a complaint with the Union about interrupted sleep time, but my paws are pretty cute so I let it slide.

I May Be A-Sleepin' But My Tailio's A-Sweepin'

The Tailio never sleeps.

Well, he does, but not so much when the Human is prowling around and I do not has a roof over my head, as I do in my cozy little house, where she is less liable to snatch me up for forcible cuddling.

Turkey Talk, Redux

Here it is, a day after Thanksgiving and is there any leftover turkey for the Kitty? Why no, there is not. She went out! Honestly, could she not have asked nicely for a tiny to-go bag?


[Little does he know: There *is* a tiny taste awaiting him. I mean, I'm not a monster. -Ed.]

Let's Talk Turkey

We hope EveryHuman and EveryKitty has something to be thankful for today.

We know we do, not the least of which are our Feline, Human and Other friends in the Blogosphere. You make every day better! 

No matter if your dinner is turkey, toonas, tacos or turnips, we wish you a day filled with love and gratitude.

Spittola Investigations: Private Eye Extraordinaire"If You See Me Coming, You'd Best Be a-Running"©

On.My.Way.

Katie, Austin! Heads up, Hussies!

Why, Yes! Yes, I Am Comfortable! Thank You for Asking!

I mean, surely you can't expect me to nap in my new beddy all the time, what with my head klonking down on the table like that.
Can you?

And besides, I need a comfy place to play with my furry red ball. A little fur on your pillow won't do you any harm. Honestly, if you don't want the kitty to fur up the pillow, make the bed, Princess.

On Second Thought . . .

it really should have come with a pillow.

Snuggly & Cozy Warm

But what is this annoying dangly bit? Honestly, it looks like I have a rose tucked behind my earsicle or something. 
I mean--don't get me wrong: I love a new beddy every so often. Even if this one is kind of a tight fit.

It was "On Sale" she says. 

It figures.

********************************************

Late-breaking addition:

All righty, then. It's comfier than I originally thought.

Friday Feetsies

I seem to have extra feetsies today. Or perhaps they're simply misplaced!

They Wouldn't Send It If They Didn't Mean It, Right?

The Office . . . No, Not That One

The above pictures would look much better if I were in them, of course, but here I am tonight, tacked on at the end like a tired old postcard. 
There is quite a strange story about why and how that wonderful kitty appeared on the Human's wall, but we will just call it a Miracle and leave it at that.

J'accuse!

That's a sourdough roll, isn't it?

I see you haven't prepared a small crustless slice for me, carefully torn into wee, easily managed pieces.

As you know I would enjoy.

Sunday Selfie: Yes, I Do Need the Whole Bottom Half of the Bed

There won't be any room for your feets, none at all.

No, not even right next to the window. I need that for my tailio.

You go take your nap someplace else.

What are you doing sleeping in the middle of the day anyway?

I'm Ready for My Mani-Pedi Now

                 But if you wake me while you're doing it, 

                 I hope you have the blood bank on speed dial.

                    

                 Now you can do the other one. What? 
                 No? Well, I suppose you know best. Heh.

Our Special Veteran

This is the Human's father Bill, a Marine captain who for four years fought in some of the fiercest battles that raged in the South Pacific during WWII. After that, he was sent to occupy Nagasaki for several months after The Bomb was dropped.

He left the military at the end of the war; he never felt he'd done any more than his duty and believed those on the other side had done the same. He lived the rest of his life as the generous and peace-loving man he was, and though he died more than 30 years ago, the Human thinks of him often and knows she could not have had a better father.

Is It Safe to Come Out Now?

Well, Kitties, The Human is still acting a little strange
(I know, I know--how can I even tell?) but it seems
some of the weeping and wailing and  gnashing of teefs
has subsided, and perhaps it is safe to leave my little fort.

Maybe the clear sight of my noble profile will brighten
her day and bring good cheer and the return of optimism
that has been sadly absent for the past 48 hours.
Time to venture forth and Carry On.