The Afterglow

Secure in the knowledge he cleaned up that mess in D.C.*, Spitty prepares for his press conference and then a nice nap. Anykitty have a cigarillo he could bum?


* When he left them last night, they were on a good path. If they mess up now, he washes his paws of the whole affair.

Faster than a speeding bullet . . .

. . . more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!


You've had your chances, Humans. Step aside now, and let Spitty get 'er done.

Poor Spitty Has No Furniture

Nope, nowhere to perch, nowhere to hang out, nowhere to chillax, nowhere to nap, nowhere to play.

Your Hammick was being washed. Your Blankie was moved (temporarily) from the freaking dinner table! 

Cased closed, Buddy.

--THE MANAGEMENT

*     *     *     *     *

Oh. Nevermind then.  Zzzzzzzz.

Where's.My.Hammick?

Ordinarily, in this space just to the right of the Human's desk is my pawsome black-and-white pawprint hammick:

But, Kitties, do you see such a hammick? No, you do not. No, what you see here is a catloaf-on-the-carpet, attractive enough in its way, comfortable even, but Not My Hammick. I want it, dammit!

*     *     *     *     *

P.S. There was a dinner guest last night, so guess what else has disappeared? Yep, you got it in one: My Soft Brown Blankie has vanished. How much can a Boy be expected to tolerate?

Wordless Wednesday

The Doom Room

Behind this innocent kitchen door, Kitties, lies a dreadful secret shame. You will note that the Flashy Box has been strangely absent from The Room of Doom our back porch. (As you can see, SomeHuman, sometime, cut a convenient little cat door just for us kittehs!) Follow me now, right this way . . .

As you can see, things are pretty hopeless out here! The Human likes to let others, her friends and relatives, the building manager, her neighbors, catsitters---and yes, even you, my Faithful Readers--believe that she is a neat and tidy person. Well, ha ha ha ha ha! Just LOOK!

And what's worse, Kitties, is that this is just one tiny corner of the Giant Jumble of Cr@p that exists in this little 6'x8' space.  It's a disgrace is what it is!
(Please note: *I* do not appear to best advantage in this picture. However, I set aside my vanity for the sake of exposing this horrible truth.)

Mancatly Fevver Love

Why hello, Kitties! I was, uh, doing some, uh, quality control testing with this fevver toy. Yeah, that's it! Just making sure it's up to snuff, because....uh, because.....oh all right, then!  because it's fun, that's why!
Never mind. Excuse me now, I'm, uh, kind of busy.

Deep in the Forest of Chairs

Spitty-the-Kitty, safe from the prying lens of the Flashy Box, releases his inner goofball. 

Wait--what? 

Click!

Yada yada yada

So the Human decided to try to expand her Photoshopping skills today.  

::Sigh::   

Tomorrow I'll probably have three heads 

Happy Caturday, Kitties!

 

The Haunted TV Stand

A couple weeks ago, the Human decided it was time for something shiny and new to put our shiny new TV atop. Never mind that that there was a perfectly good & sturdy brown wood table under that TV already. Noooooooo, she needed to go throw Green Papers away on an unnecessary 'upgrade'. (Recreational shopping! I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked!)

So, anyway:

Yeah, I know. Seems harmless. But you know what, Kitties? This thing is haunted! Yes, really, it is. I don't like to go near it. For weeks, I refused to go through even if going around delayed my progress. But the other night the Human captured me using the shortcut. I walked really, really fast so that it could not suck me into the vortex of Hell itself, and I managed to navigate the passage unharmed. But I don't think I'll want to risk it often.

Do you have any scary furniture at your house?

Recovering

Last night I got all overexcited and fainty and the Human sent me to lie down for a rest in my cozy tent.

Do you know why, Kitties? Well, let me tell you. Suddenly, as the Human and I were making our evening rounds yesterday, we happened upon THIS.  

Kitties, Spittola was unprepared for the vapors that overcame him. Yes, I confess it: This ManCat was gobsmacked! 

It may take me the rest of the week to REGAIN MY WITS.

Almost Wordless Wednesday with the Cyclops

♫ It was a one-eyed, one-horned nibblin' Panther Leafy Eater...♫

♫  Sure looks good to me!

Cat Appreciation Day?

Wait--What? Did I miss something? I know I felt a tremor in the Force and yet...and yet...there was no acknowledgement from the Human of any such occasion.

Just in case, I am sharpening my claws and flattening my ears. I want to be ready to RETALIATE  if I find the Human failed (as per usual) to buy me a gift or cook a special meal.

Did other kitties get "appreciated"?

 

P.S. Check out yesterday's post @ the Florida Furkids & Angel Sniffie.  Because, you know, I think the rest of us kinda got gypped!

Mancat Monday

Hello, Kitties! And the Winner of the Secret Prize is. . .Simba (well, and Audrey too)! They were first to correct identify Nagini as the Ssssssssnake of Lord Voldemort (who, as Ms. Stella pointed out, comes to rather an unfortunate end, which *I* have no intention of duplicating).

Anyway, here it is Monday, and the Human has returned to work full time for one week. I find this pretty much unacceptable as I have become accustomed to round-the-clock service and entertainment and expected it to continue for at least a few more weeks. Alas, she must go be Summer School Principal while the REAL principal is off cavorting at a cottage by a lake.

Oh, Hello Human! Yes, I see you there with the F.B., diverting my attention from proper snoopervision of our street. Say, aren't you supposed to be getting a new one? What happened to that plan? Huh, huh, huh? A sudden attack of  laziness & inertia, er, thriftiness?

P.S. Spitty did not mean to scold, no-no-no he did not! He was looking forward to giving away his secret prize to the first kitteh to mention Nagini and was flummoxed when Nokitty did! In truth, the Human is an almost-total pop-culture FAIL herself, except in the rather limited category of Harry Potter, MOL!

It's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Well, Kitties, the picture speaks for itself, eh?

In other news, here's a nice shot of my inner paw and my cunning little pawpads, cleverly indicated by the red dots.

P.S.  Kitties! I am disappointed, disappointed I tell you, by the sad failure of my thousands of readers (yes, there are too thousands [I don't think so, Spitty. -Ed.]) to comment upon the timely significance of Spitty Nagini (7/15). 

Perhaps I need to offer a little PRIZE to the commenter who rewards me by identifying the reference. But honestly, Kitties, you need to study up on pop culture or you're going to fail the final. Muuahahahaha!

Forget Your Caturday Crossword!

Instead, play this new game! Kitties, Can you label Spitty's body parts in 30 seconds or less?

Formerly Feral Fur-riday

Long Cat

is l---o---n---g.

Hello, The name's Nagini, Spitty Nagini.
You can make me a nice dry Niptini.
Shaken, not stirred.

P.S.  Status report: The Soft Brown Blankie (hereafter, SBB) was freshly laundered just for me on Wednesday. Mmmmmmmm. Nice.

But the Human is having "Dinnnnnnner Guesssssts" on Caturday so *I* have to wait till Sunday to have said SBB restored to its rightful place atop the dining room table. Like *I* am not the top priority in her life? As if! *I* say *they* could eat on the coffee table! Or in the kitchen on that pink counter, MOL!

The Kitteh's Revenge

Hello, Kitties!

In a radical departure from our usual practice, I am going to allow The Human to tell you a story as part of our friend Mr. Puddy's "Don't Mess with Your Kitty" collection. After the story, I *may* have a comment or two.

*     *     *     *     *

On New Year's Day, 1990, only a few weeks after BooBoo crossed the Bridge at 19, Mr. Teeth turned up as a stray at my best friend's house in the South Bay where I was spending the holidays. They already had five cats, and I was momentarily catless, so it seemed natural that Mr. Teeth should fill the gaping hole in my life left when BooBoo departed. He was the Sweetest Boy Ever, a big, soft, gray bundle of love, about 10 months old.

Because he was so gentle and compliant, and because he always tried to dash out the front door, I decided he might be the perfect candidate for a leash. He took to it like a duck to water, and we began to take daily strolls around the neighborhood. (I met more neighbors than I had in the previous ten years, as he was apt to drop to the sidewalk, expose his belly and BEG for affection from any passerby).

I mean, just LOOK at him:

It all sounds idyllic--right?  Well, yes & no. I began to realize I was unknowingly creating a Monster. He took to standing by the front door, meowing loudly and insistently for his "walkies," even moments after we returned from the previous walk! He possessed a LOUD and DEEP voice and seldom tired of using it.

One day, I was, ahem, "doing my business" in the human litter box room, clothing puddled at my feet. The door was open, only feet from where Mr. Teeth stood, raging at the front door. My lack of response must have tipped him right over the edge, as he meandered into the bathroom, cocked his head at me, turned his back, wiggled his furry butt--and PEED on me: my ankles, my shoes and my clothing. Satisfied, he strolled out of the room and took up his station at the front door.

By the time I gathered my clothing and my wits, he had given up and was settling in for a nice snooze with his little sidekick, Clarkie. I spoke rather sternly to him, which did not prevent future wailing at the front door, though he never repeated that other particular offense. Perhaps he felt he'd made his point. . . or maybe I just remembered to close the bathroom door!

*     *     *     *     *

So, Kitties, that's our story for today and purrsunally I think it's a darn good one. I haven't done this yet myself, but it's an idea I can add to my repertoire when the time seems right. Heh heh!

Rearranging My Furniture

Sometimes, the Human has her uses.
For example, I awoke the other morning to a whole new furniture experience. What had once been a tunnel and a cube, each entertaining in its own modest way, had transformed into an exciting new playground.
Just look, Kitties, look!

I think I'll call it the Cubbel.

And you know what? The Human told me the cubes came two to a package! Just imagine the possibilities!!

P.S. I have NOT forgotten my blanket though. Further reports to come. Stay tuned.


P.P.S.  The Human wants to thank all the kitties and Humans who said nice things to her yesterday about the quitting smoking. She's soooooo transparent! I mean, you KNOW she put that up there (on MY blog, mind you!) fishing for compliments, MOL! But you and your Humans really came through for her anyway ;-)

Up Periscope!

I love my cube. Sometimes I like to act out my own little version of Das Boot. You might not think it to look at me, but I have a really good imagination.

*      *      *      *      *

P.S.  Thanks to all the beautiful LadyCats who came over yesterday to play fevvers with me. It was spectacular! You wore Spitty out, MOL! And a few of the guys even dropped by later to chillax with some Nip. It was a good day. 

P.P.S.  Today marks two-Count-'em-TWO-years since the Human had a cigarette. She hardly ever bites my little head off anymore, or at least when she does, it's not because she's jonesing for King Nico--much.

Buh -- Bye

Now

ManCat Monday

Kitties!

Am I having fun, or what?

 

All you LadyCats? Who wants to come play fevvers with me?

(If you biggify the picture you can get a better view of my mighty manly arms--you know, just in case you're still trying to decide whether or not you want to come over.)

Easy Like Sunday

Oh it's so easy and pleasant just sitting here, la la la, thinking about how nice it was to get in a good scratching session. 

I wonder what I should do next.....?

Oh! ♥ ♥ ♥ Admiral  ♥ ♥ ♥! You're early!  

P.S. Kitties! We hadded "company" and the Human said we could not possibly let Visitors think the kitteh had a nice soft brown-blanket-beddy on the DINING ROOM TABLE!  Well, honestly, why not? She said it like there was something WRONG with it! She has packed the soft brown blankie away in a little wicker basket with a LID. She thinks I have forgotten about it, but I.Have.Not.

P.P.S.   My friends Shaggy, Scooby and Scout said I should be worried about the basket with the lid. They raised the horrible specter of that poor little woofie Toto! Now I'm both resentful AND scared! I dunno, Kitties, what do you think?

 

Where's Waldo?

Okay, not really. But where's my soft brown blankie, dammit?

Sigh. I guess I'll have to snooze in my hammick till Blankie comes back. And the Human's not saying when that will be.

All Right

Petting may commence. . . .

in 3. . .2. . .1. . .Now.

 Ahhhhhhhhhh.